Page 18 of The Call of Crimson
“I’ve got you, Princess,” Lord Jaeson says quietly, his hand on my shoulder. With sure hands, he reaches out and calls on his Kaminari Gift to light my torch.
“Thank you,” I whisper as he falls back into the crowd.
I reach my torch out to light the ones held by Aurelius, Elijah, and Ophelia. Together, Aurelius and I light my mother’s pyre as Elijah and Ophelia light Layne’s. As the wood begins to catch, I pass my torch to a guard with instructions to light Seamus’ pyre.
For the first time, I am the one to start the traditional Rimorian death hymn. Ophelia joins me a heartbeat later, and together we cry out our grief.
May the mother keep you close
And the father protect you now
The tears that once were shed
Make the flowers grow
When the night is darkest
And the sun has ceased its shining
May you remember
My love for you is eternal
From your first breath
Until your very last
May the gods grant you peace
As we approach the second round, I hear the voices of Elijah and Aurelius join us. By the third, the entire crowd is singing. Voices echo around us, being heard from miles away, as a kingdom laments the loss of its queen.
I don’t remember losing the battle to stand, but I find myself on my knees. Sobs wrack through me as I let the hot tears freely flow. That chasm left by my father and Julian—the one I felt begin to scab over—is ripped wide open again. Not only do Ifeel the loss of my mother, but it’s like I’m reliving the loss of each one that went before her. My body shakes as the immense weight of grief threatens to overtake me.
Elijah’s warm hand takes mine, gripping it tightly. I thread my fingers through his, squeezing as we both cry over the mother we’ve lost. His other arm is wrapped tightly around Ophelia as she cries into his chest.
The familiar scent of warm spices and bergamot envelops me as Aurelius wraps his arms around me. For the time being, I forget I’m angry, let go of the betrayal I felt from his secret keeping, and just let him comfort me. I take pleasure in the familiarity of his embrace, savoring the way his arms still feel like home.
“It wasn’t supposed to be this way,” I say through gasping sobs.
“I know, Princess.” His voice cracks, and I notice the tears streaming down his cheeks for the first time.
“I-I was s-so cruel to her before s-she died.” My sobs are so violent they cause me to stutter through my words. “She d-didn’t deserve that, a-and I never fixed things.”
There are no words that will make this better, so instead, Aurelius pulls me into his lap, cradling me against him and rocking me gently. I gasp, my lungs desperate to take in the oxygen I can’t seem to inhale.
“Shhh,” Aurelius coos. “I need you to breathe, Breyla.”
Another pained sob leaves me as I try to tell him I can’t, but no words come out.
“I’m going to help you,” he says as I feel his Hemonia Gift gently seep into my body, winding its way around my heart. He slows my pulse just enough to make breathing possible again.
Tears still stream down my face, but I take a deep breath, sighing in relief as my burning lungs calm. His fingers windthrough my hair, gently massaging my scalp, helping me to relax.
“I’m not ready for this, Aurelius,” I confess.
“No one ever is. You figure it out as you go.”
I turn to meet his eyes, getting lost in the crimson flecks that seem to shine brighter through the tears. “I’m not her. How am I supposed to live up to her on my own? I can’t even keep my people safe as General, and now I’m expected to lead a kingdom. I don’t know how to do this—and she understood that! Why else would she fight so hard to stay on the throne?”
