Page 61 of Stay With Me
My head is spinning as I process this information.
Me: I’m nervous. Like really nervous.I want to be confident?.?.?. sexy.
Abs: Luna?.?.?. that man likes you for you. You could sit on the couch in a potato sack, and he’ll find you attractive.It’s totally normal to be nervous your first time.
Pam: I was so nervous that I got drunk. I don’t even remember it.Do not recommend.
Am: Sex with someone is exciting and can be fun, but that first time can always start awkwardly. You don’t know what you like or what they like.Use your voice if something isn’t working.
Abs: What she said.But also, it’s going to hurt.
Pam: It’s not like in the books a lot of the time. But Noah looks like he knows what he’s doing. I think he’ll take care of you.
Am: Agreed. Trust him.The trust will make it easier.
Me: Maybe this is a bad idea.What if it’s so bad that he asks me to leave?
Nerves swirl in my stomach.
This will fully change our relationship.
I’m not mad about it, but if it isn’t what he expects, will he ask me to leave?
I shake my head at that thought. Noah isn’t like that.
Pam: If he asks you to leave, we’ll beat him up.
Abs: He won’t.
Am: We’ll put laxatives in his food if he pulls something stupid like that.
I snort while reading that. It’s amazing how I grew up in a cult called The Family, yet these women are more like family than anyone aside from Jess and Aspen. Without thinking twice, they have my back regardless of the outcome.
Aspen… I need to talk to Jess about her soon.
I make a note to shoot her therapist an email to see if either she or I can see if she knows anything.
I look back down at my phone, and my nerves come back when I think about tonight.
Me: Okay. So safe sex. It’s going to hurt. And be vocal about how I’m feeling. Am I missing anything?
Abs: Ask questions. Knowledge is power.
Pam: If after your first time, you read something in one of our books that you want to try, see if he’ll try it with you.
Am: Luke actually reads the books with me.
Pam: I bet not much reading is done.
Abs: Does that mean you read the SparkNotes instead of actually reading?
Am: Hardy har har. It was at first, but we have a “finish at least two chapters” rule.
We text back and forth for a while as I get some things done around the house. Jess is reading in her room when I peek my head in there. “Are you excited to hang out with Amelia at her farm today?”
She looks up at me and smiles. “Yes, when I was at school the other day, I read a book about the way she farms, and I have lots of questions for her.”
“I know Amelia will love answering all of them.” As I say that, my phone vibrates. I pull it out and see that Am texted.
