Page 10 of Love Undecided
One of the officers stands by me, and puts his arm out in front of me, as though to stop me from moving forward. The other officer approaches the office door and knocks.
"Ma'am? This is Officer Neal with the SSPD. Are you okay? Can I talk to you for a minute?"
The door opens and Kat peeks her head out. "Can you just make him go away please?" she asked, pointing at me.
"Kat, what the hell?" I yelled.
"Sir, please stay quiet," the officer next to me said, as he’d moved from blocking any forward momentum to grabbing my upper arm.
"I haven't hurt her," I said. I tried to shake off his arm, but he wouldn't let go. "I could never hurt her. I love her. She's drunk and she’s just found out her cancer is back. She's trying to break up with me, and I don't want to go. I'm not going anywhere. Do you hear me, Kat? I'm not going anywhere!"
"Why don't we step outside?” The officer holding my arm turns us around and tries to pull me outside.
"No. I don't want to go outside. You aren't listening to me, I'm not leaving her!" I wrenched my arm from his and turned to face him at the same time as he stepped toward me. My hands went up in front of me, an automatic reflex, and I found myself pushing him backward.
I barely got the words ‘man, I didn't mean’ out before he's got me twisted back around, both hands behind my back, and handcuffs locked tight over my wrists.
I heard him say something about assaulting a police officer as he pushed me outside, shutting the front door after him.
"You don't understand," I said.
"I do understand, sir."
"I'm a firefighter with the SSFD, I would never hurt a woman. Especially not Kat,” I said.
“That may be true, sir, but assaulting an officer of the law is a serious offense."
"I didn't assault you, it was a reflex."
He opened the door to the back of the squad car and said, "Watch your head," as he pushed the top of mine down and in, directing my body to the inside of the car.
"This isn't even a real call, this is just Kat being irrational," I said as he shut the door.
The other officer came outside a short time later and shut the door behind him. The two talked in low voices, looking from me to the front door of the house, and back again.
By this time, some of the neighbors had come outside, watching to see what was going on. The blue and red swirling lights acting as a beacon in the foggy night for nosey gossip mongers.
The other officer opened the front passenger door and leaned in to talk to me. "Sir, the lady said that you’ve both been drinking tonight, and I understand that you're both upset. I need you to calm down, then I'm going to give you a couple options for tonight."
"For fuck’s sake. This is absolutely ridiculous! I didn't fucking do anything!" I struggled against the handcuffs, trying to pull my hands free.
The officer looked at me.
"Sir, how much have you had to drink tonight?"
"I went to happy hour after a Haz-Mat training. I had two beers over two hours, I wouldn't exactly call that drinking. So, in answer to your question, not much. Unlike Kat who's had a half bottle of tequila and clearly isn't thinking straight. Can you just give me a minute to talk to her?"
"No, sir, I cannot. The lady has asserted that she is frightened and does not feel safe with you. In addition, my partner says you got physical with him."
"Well, then you're going to have to fucking take me in, ‘cause I'm not leaving her willingly."
"Planning on it, sir.”
And, so, I spent the night in a holding cell, and Ethan bailed me out the next day.
* * *
I check myself, trying to see if I can muster anger toward her, but I just can’t. At least not for the break-up part of it. Intellectually, I know that she was acting out of fear and love.
Fear for herself and her life, and love for me in not wanting me to have to watch her die. I just need my head to remind my heart every so often.
But as far as the decimation of my career? Yeah, that I can still get angry about. And, if I’m honest, I’m still pissed off that she didn’t die. And then the cancer came back a third time and she didn’t die. That was the reason she left me to begin with, because she was going to die. Yet, she didn’t die and we still are not together.
And the time apart has been a total waste.
