Page 12 of Love Undecided
I can’t believe he still keeps track of my appointments. I mean, I know he’s still listed as my cancer caregiver in my medical file, so he gets the auto-notifications by email. But the fact that he actually pays attention, and then follows up with me, blows my mind.
I text him back a thumbs up emoji and turn my phone off. Not wanting to get too wrapped up in texting him back, and more importantly, too wrapped up in thinking about how his text makes me feel.
How his texts always make me feel.
Like I matter, more than anything else. When all I usually feel is completely alone and unseen.
Which makes me think about him. And miss him. And no matter how many times and how many ways I try to get him out of my head and out of my heart, he just stays.
No matter how much I drink, or how many nameless drunk fucks I bring home, and how many times I let them fuck me in the dirtiest, most debasing way possible, it isn’t enough.
I still wish it was Brad every time.
