Page 28 of Love Undecided
Chapter 11
Kat
After a nearly sleepless night trying to figure out who the hell is recording my every move, I wake up late and almost don’t have time for my morning meditation. My favorite part of the day is my morning constitutional, and if I don’t get it, I’m a total bitch all day.
I do some light yoga and water meditations in my hot tub, typically first thing in the morning just after the sun has come up. When everything is quiet, and the only sounds I hear are the hot tub on my deck and the waves of the ocean below.
I start this morning, like every other morning, letting my body warm up, then modified yoga poses in the water to stimulate blood flow and positive energy in my body, then a floating soak, otherwise known as my morning meditation.
It’s during the soak that I think I get the most benefit. I can literally feel everything slide off my body, everything that I don’t want to be there. I don’t think I ever realized how powerful the mind could be until I got cancer, started meditating, and recognized the transformation in myself and in my psyche. And so even though it’s hard to do, my morning meditation is totally worth it.
When it works.
Which it isn’t this morning.
Sigh.
Before the cancer, I was a runner, so it takes a lot of concentration and determination to get the same results, mentally and emotionally, from something so sedentary as a warm water meditation. And even though I technically have no evidence of disease once again, I’m still not cleared to do any kinds of strenuous exercise. I know what you’re thinking, but luckily sex doesn’t count as strenuous exercise.
Not even my rough-n-tumble drunk fucks.
I checked.
As it is, I’m fortunate that I’ve been cleared to drive again after the brain surgery, and I just got that a couple weeks ago.
I rush through my shower, then dress quickly in skinny jeans, a loose-fitting low-cut blouse, and stiletto ankle boots. I put my hair up in a messy bun and throw on some silver jewelry. I down my seventeen different pills, supplements, and vitamins for the morning with my coffee, and am out the door.
I pull in to the precinct parking lot at nine-fifty am, pleased that I’m not running nearly as late as I thought I was. I grab my phone to text Brad, wanting that connection with him before I start my day. Then pause because I have no idea what to say.
Of course I want my text to be witty and memorable, but there isn’t anything going on in my life right now that fits that description. And it needs to be something that doesn't give the wrong idea. So I go with:
Me: Thank you for all your help last night. You are a valued friend.
I press Send before I have a chance to overthink it, but immediately realize just how stupid that text is.
Valued friend? Who even talks like that?
Plus, it's such an obvious attempt to friend-zone him. I consider sending another text explaining this text, but that seems like I would be overdoing it. Maybe the text will be memorable because of its complete lameness. Hopefully he considers the source, me, and I head into the precinct with five minutes to spare.
