Page 90 of Love Undecided
Chapter 40
Kat
I sit there, stunned.
What the fuck just happened?
I stand up, throw a bunch of money on the table, and head for the nearest bar, pulling my phone out to text Lexie and Remi as I go.
Shit. Fuck. Piss. Shit. Fuck. Piss. Shit. Fuck. Piss.
* * *
I find a bar down the street and order a bourbon on the rocks because this is a hella serious situation that is going to require major reinforcements. I know from experience that this, on top of the wine earlier, will not settle well but I don’t care.
I kissed Brad. IkissedBrad. I kissedBrad.
Shit. Fuck. Piss.
What does it mean? Why did I do it? Well, really he did it and I just participated. Right? I mean I don't think I kissed him first. Did I? Why did he have to look SO good today? Why do my hormones have to be so out of control?
I made him cheat on Stacy. Oh God, I’m a cheater. I am a horrible person. And she saw us. She saw us cheating on her.
I finish my drink in one gulp and order another. The heat of the bourbon slides down my body like an elixir.
He felt so good. So right. So right that I can’t even remember now why I ever left him. Only an idiot would do that, clearly. He’s hot, he’s successful, he’s a fucking fireman! He was the cover on last year’s calendar. You don’t leave a calendar cover fireman unless you’re an idiot. Right?
And that’s not just the hormones and the bourbon talking. Or is it? I decide to ask the bartender. The place is pretty empty, I’ll probably be doing him a favor by asking him for advice. I wave him over, my vision is a little blurry, and that’s when I remember that I never actually ate my lunch and now I’ve had three glasses of wine and one and a half bourbons on an empty stomach.
“Can I get some peanuts? And keep ‘em comin’.”
He brings the peanuts over. “You doing okay?” he asks as I shove an entire handful of peanuts in my mouth.
I look at him as I chew, he seems nice enough, and he’s got soft eyes. Mr. Soft Eyes the Bartender, he’ll definitely do until the girls get here.
“I have a problem.”
As I talk, little bits of peanut blow all over the counter in front of me.
“Sorry.”
I cover my mouth with one hand and try to brush the peanut bits to the floor with the other.
“Is it a guy?” Mr. Soft Eyes the Bartender asks.
“Isn’t it always?”
He nods his head in agreement.
I start talking. “I left him, but for a very good reason, but he always kind of hung around and I know he still loves me and I thought I was over him, only now I think I want him back, except I asked him to lunch to break it off for good, but then he kissed me and pretty much rocked my world, until his girlfriend showed up and caught us, so now I’m a cheater and a horrible person and not only did I not break it off for good, but I kissed him, and she saw and now it’s just going to be a mess, and all I can think about is how good he looked and how great he felt.”
I pause and take a big breath. He nods his head in agreement. I keep talking.
“See, I had cancer and he was wonderful all the way through it and we were going to get married and there was going to be fireworks because he knew I had fireworks on my list, and it was going to be amazing, and then the cancer came back two weeks before the wedding and I broke it off with him because it’s not fair to him that he be tied to someone he just has to take care of all the time and who might die or throw up or lose her hair or something else equally horrible.”
I pause again to take a breath, a drink, and a few more peanuts. Mr. Soft Eyes the Bartender slides me a glass of water, looking at me thoughtfully.
“You’re the lady who sees the future and helps the cops, aren’t you?” he asks.
