Page 45 of Love Undiscovered
Chapter 12
Remi
He’s acting different tonight, but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is that’s not the same. Regardless, I’ve got to step up my game, otherwise I’ll never get four weeks of dates, and I can kiss my Louboutins goodbye. And literally watch them walk down the street away from me.
He places our order with the waiter and orders us both another round of drinks. There’s a small part of me that likes this ‘take charge’ side of him. Like I know that I can sit back and relax, he’s going to handle everything. I don’t have to worry at all. I’m safe and cared for. It’s a feeling that completely freaks me the fuck out and that I crave intensely at the same time.
My parents had me late in life. I was an accident. There’s fifteen years between my next closest sibling and me. So, not only am I not close to my brother or sister, but my parents didn’t appreciate the disruption that a baby caused to their lives. They’d built a successful business together and once they sent my older brother, their youngest, off to college it was supposed to be time to travel and take time for themselves. Not raise a three-year-old.
So, they put off the travel until it was acceptable to send me to boarding school. And that was it. I rarely saw them after that. And I definitely never saw my brother or sister. They took their cue from my parents. If I wasn’t worth my parents’ time, then they definitely weren’t going to take the time to get to know me.
Which makes the idea of someone taking care of things for me completely foreign. The same with being cared for or loved, outside of Kat and Lexie. The three of us met in grade school before my parents sent me away, and we connected immediately. After I left, we all stayed in touch via letters, and shortly after that, email. Kat and Lexie were my only connections to the outside world and I valued that so completely even if I didn’t admit it. I craved it like one craves oxygen after being under water a few seconds too long for comfort.
My parents were extremely generous in that I never had to worry about getting a job in high school, college, or grad school. My tuition and living expenses were always paid for, and I was given a liberal allowance. What I didn’t get from them were birthday celebrations, holidays at home, or any kind of emotional connection whatsoever.
I don’t blame them, not anymore. But it took me a long time to get to that kind of acceptance where they are concerned. I wasn’t in the plan, plain and simple. Though why my mother didn’t just abort me or put me up for adoption, I’ll never know. I’m grateful for life, don’t get me wrong. But even I’m self-aware enough to know how fucked up it’s made me.
Which is why Chance makes me uncomfortable when he’s nice. When he cares. The bickering I can handle, that’s easy. In fact, the worse we get along, the better it is as far as I’m concerned. But even in the face of such dissension between us, there’s still something that intrigues me. I’m not bored with Chance Bauer yet. And I don’t know why.
I bring my attention back to the table when the waitress brings our cocktails.
“Where’d you go, gorgeous?” Chance asks.
“I was just thinking.”
“About?”
“Nothing even remotely important,” I say. “Hey, how about a toast?” I direct that at the whole table. Harley and Alex stop talking and look at me.
“You know, a toast? To blind dates clearly working out,” I say as I gesture toward the two of them with my glass.
“Well, and back to the two of you clearly working out,” Harley says. She’s so cute in her naiveté that I snort just a little bit when I laugh.
“What? I saw you two on the dance floor. There’s a connection there. You may not see it yet, but I do.” She smiles sincerely.
I scoff at that and look at Chance to see his reaction, but he’s a little more thoughtful than I’d anticipated. I backhand him in the stomach to get his attention. “That’s funny, simpleton, this is where you laugh at the absurdity.”
He looks at me. “I’m not so sure it is absurd,” he says softly.
I look at him skeptically. “What do you mean?”
He hunkers down closer to me. So close that I can smell him, he smells woodsy and clean.
“I don’t think the idea of the two of us together is a bad one.”
“Shut up!” I laugh and backhand him in the stomach again.
He doesn’t move.
Doesn’t change his expression.
“Are you serious?” My eyes widen.
He nods. “I am.”
I swallow what I’m sure is my heart in my throat as I try to digest what he’s saying. I mean, I know this was the plan all along, at least for me. I get him to date me for a month, I save my shoes, and I’m done. But that plan involves me convincing him to date me, not the other way around.
I mean logically I know he, or any guy for that matter, has to want to date me to go out with me. But that’s me pursuing him. And this, well this feels like he’s pursuing me. And I don’t like that feeling. I’m the one in control here. I’m the one who is deciding our fate. I’m the one who is saving my shoes.
