Page 94 of Love Unavoidable
“Fine. Who with?”
“A guy name Jason.”
“That you met online?”
“Yes. Stop talking.”
“Sorry.”
“Riddle me this . . . when your profile asks you for your interests, what do you put?”
“I don’t do online dating.”
“I know, but if you did. Or anything that asks for your interests. Applications. Membership forms. Whatever.”
“I put the stuff I like to do, my interests.”
“Right. Not stuff you’d be interested in trying someday, right?”
“No, that would be stupid.”
“That was my date.”
“You were on a date with stupid?”
“Yes. And he said I was fat.”
“I hope you walked out on his sorry ass. As in,do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.”
“I couldn’t. I’d already ordered a drink and a salad by the time he said that.”
“So?”
“He only goes Dutch on the first date.”
“Well, there was no chance of a second date, so it didn’t matter none.”
I laugh. “He got upset because I was late meeting him.”
“How late is late?”
“Four minutes.”
Tenley whistles the theme song to the movieThe Exorcist.
“Right?! Then, when it was time to order, I asked what he recommended, and he said the Cobb Salad. Except that he’d never even been to the restaurant before, so he’d never had it. He just heard it was good. So, I asked if he wanted to share it as a starter and he said, ‘No, I figured you would want that for your meal.’ And when I asked why he thought that, he said he assumed I was watching my weight.”
“No!”
“Yes! Then, he ate it while I was in the bathroom.”
“No!”
“Yes! He said,‘Oh I thought you wanted to share it.’ Then we made small talk while I watched him eat my salad and he made some creepy comment about whether or not I teach pole dancing, so I changed the subject and asked him about rock climbing, since he had it on his profile and all. And that’s when he said he didn’t actually rock climb, it was just something he was interested in.”
Tenley is laughing so hard, her face is red and she can’t catch her breath.
“Wait, I’m not even at the best part yet,” I tell her. “He didn’t finish my salad, and when it came time to order the entrees, he said he was too full from the salad and asked for a to-go container so he could take the rest with him. He even boxed up the dinner rolls with it.” I laugh. Because Tenley is laughing. And because at this point, it’s either laugh at the absurdity, or cry at how pathetic my life is right now.
