Page 6 of How to Ruin Your Ex's Wedding
I never thought Tabatha would be capable of such a thing. Something so malicious, so unkind. She knows how much that camera means to me. It would be like if I took one of her . . . I don’t even know what would compare. But once I find it, I’m going to (BLEEP) destroy it.
“You want a war, woman? You got it!” Pax roars.
Tabatha does not hear the ladder at the window. And she doesn’t see Pax until he’s halfway inside the room.
“How’d you get a ladder?” Tabatha asks. She stands and backs up until she runs into the wall.
“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know?” Pax sneers and advances on her quickly.
“Kind of, yeah. If we owned one, maybe you would’ve been a little morehandyaround the house.” Tabatha tries to dodge his grasp by moving to the right.
“We own a vacuum, didn’t turn you into a decent housekeeper.” Pax is quick on his feet. It seems no matter which way Tabatha turns, he will still be able to reach her.
“How dare you!” Tabatha screams.
“Oh, sweetheart, I haven’t even started to dare.” Pax continues to advance toward Tabatha until the two are nearly nose to nose.
“Get out, Pax.”
“Make me.” Pax crosses his arms over his chest and widens his stance, looking imposing.
Tabatha visibly shivers.
“Are those my socks? You’re cutting holes in my socks?” Pax narrows his eyes as he sees what is in Tabatha’s hands. He turns and opens her closet before she even has a chance to answer. Pax pulls her favorite Yves Saint Laurent dress out and rips it in half.
“Ohmigod! What is wrong with you?” Tabatha cries.
“With me? Oh, I’m just getting started, baby!”
PAX VOICEOVER: I try to think of the most disgusting, most repulsive thing that I can possibly do to her. And then it hits me. Piss and Prada.
Pax grabs her Prada bag next.
“No!” Tabatha yells.
TABATHA VOICEOVER: I watch, with total revulsion, as he undoes his pants, pulls out his (BLEEP), and pisses in my bag, whistling as he goes. Whistling! I lunge for the bag. I have to. I don’t even care if I get his piss all over me. Because, Prada.
Pax turns so his back is to Tabatha, then swivels to and fro as she tries to reach around his sides to grab it. He finishes up, tucks himself back in his pants, and tosses the bag aside. Urine splashes up and around when it lands.
Tabatha takes off her shoes, jumps onto their bed, and throws one at him.
The shoe bounces off Pax’s forehead, nicking his skin.
“Ow!”
“That’s right, you big lug. Ferragamos are fierce.”
“(BLEEP), Tabs! That (BLEEP) hurt.”
Tabatha looks around, as though searching for something else to destroy. She makes a move for Pax’s grandfather’s Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph. An original print from The Battle of the Bulge in World War II. He treasures it. Maybe even more than his cameras.
“Don’t do it,” Pax warns.
Tabatha takes it from the wall and tosses it to the side, like a frisbee. Both watch as it crumbles to the floor, frame and all.
TABATHA VOICEOVER: The minute I do it, I know I’ve gone too far. I see the devastation on Pax’s face and I instantly regret my actions. It’s one step too far. Well, one step beyond the Hasselblad, another that I also should never have taken. But it’s too late to take it back.
“You (BLEEP). Do you hate me that much?” Pax asks.
