Page 23 of Love Resurrected
“That makes no sense. You’re being silly. Which reminds me,” she says, changing the subject, “I saw you dancing with Brad last night. How’d that go?”
I’m not sure how one reminds her of the other. Regardless, Brad is not a subject that I have any desire to talk about.
“What do you mean, how did it go? Good god, I’m not interested in him or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking. And he is definitely not interested in me.”
“I don’t know, I thought I saw a spark there.”
“Hilarious. You definitely didnotsee a spark. In fact, he’s quick to tell me how little he likes me.”
“Why would he tell you that?”
“I think he takes pleasure in seeing how unpleasant he can be. Which is how he was when he asked me out.”
“What?” she screeches. “Way to bury the lead! Out like, on a date? For when?”
“We aren’t. I said no.”
“Oh, why?”
“First, he admitted that he promised Remi he’d ask me out and that was the only reason why he was doing it—”
“Ohmigod, seriously?”
“Oh wait, there’s more. Second, he said he didn’t like meandwasn’t attracted to me, so I was perfect to date aspracticefor when he’s ready to move on.”
“No!” She laughs.
I laugh too. “Yes!”
“Wow, that’s just, wow. Can I tell Ethan that?”
“I’m sure he already knows.”
“I doubt that. Brads been a little weird about talking to him since they put him on desk duty. Ethan has had to work with another guy in the field.”
“That sucks.”
“Tell me about it. Well, hey, maybe one of these department liaison guys will be cute.”
“Not everything is about relationships, Sadie.”
“Most things are, though.”
“I’ve got plenty to keep me occupied without worrying about a relationship.”
“Says the girl who was just talking about growing up and finding monogamy.”
I scoff. “Finding monogamy. Like it’s lost.”
“Or a religion.” She laughs.
“I suppose it could be a religion, depending on how hot the sex is.”
“Oh, god, Ethan tried a position last night that I thought would kill me.”
I tune her out a bit. I can’t help it. I get jealous. I didn’t at first. In the beginning of her and Ethan, I felt sorry for her because she was tying herself down, but happy for her since she was so excited and fulfilled. Then something changed where, all of a sudden, the one-night stands weren’t doing it for me anymore, and I wanted someone I could talk to about things. Spend my days with. Cuddle into at night.
Things I’ve always been resolutely against. Certain I was going crazy, I sought therapy. Turns out, it was just an adult version of growing pains. Everyone around me was settling into relationships and I was envious. I’d told the therapist that wasn’t true. I didn’t believe in marriage. Didn’t like relationships. My mother had destroyed her own when I was young. And my father is divorcing wife number five. Or is it six? It creates a dichotomy in my brain. The desire to have what my friends have, and the knowledge that it will never work out.
