Page 30 of Love Resurrected
She doesn’t know I’ve already set up an education fund for my new niece with enough money to send her to private and Ivy League schools from preschool to graduate school.
I went to both private school and public school, depending upon my parental situation. My father has always had way more money than sense, which is why it surprised me my mom left us. Most women would have stuck around for the big paycheck. Not her. The sad thing is, I think my dad would have stayed married to her forever if he could. She’s the one that got away for him, and each subsequent wife since has just been him looking for a suitable replacement. Problem is, I’ve never been sure if she’s the one who got away because she’s gone, or because she really was the one.
Which always has me wondering, when you find the one, shouldn’t it just always stick? Like, don’t theynotleave you because they are the one? I guess that begs the question, if a personistheonefor you, then are you automatically the one for them?
Sadie grabs the remote and turns the volume back up. We are watchingSomeone Like Youwith Ashley Judd and Hugh Jackman. Hugh is crazy hot as Wolverine, but I dig him in this movie too. His character, Eddie, embodies everything I want in a man. Sexy womanizer not looking for love, falls for the girl who’s right in front of him when he least expects it. Even though she’s been there the whole time, the chemistry between them is off the charts.
Let’s be real, I only want it because it’s total fiction and doesn’t remotely exist.Sigh.Maybe I’m more like my father than I realize, always wanting what’s just around the corner. The next best thing. The fantasy turned reality.
I close my laptop and focus on the movie with Sadie. It’s right at the part where Jane and Ray—Ashley Judd and Greg Kinnear—admit they love each other. Which is all false since, unbeknownst to Jane, Ray is about to go back to his ex, Diane, played by Ellen Barkin, who is also both their boss. Complicated, I know. But it’s the complicated situations that are always the more interesting, am I right?
Speaking of complicated, the picture of Brad with his helmet over his dick flashes through my mind. That has to be the work of my vagina, because she’s the only part of my body that would even remotely appreciate anything about that man.
10
Brad
Tenley and Nessa are supposed to come by the station today to continue working on the recruitment fair. Nessa surprised me yesterday with a phone call, claiming to have been thinking about me and she felt the need to check in. In her defense, we bonded sort of quickly the first day we met, over similar life situations. She’s easy to talk to and has this calming effect on me that manifests as a truth serum. She makes me tell the truth about my feelings. I don’t know how she does it.
She did it in person when we met, and again yesterday over the phone. I’d been at the boxing gym working out my frustrations on the speed bag, to no avail. Ten minutes on the phone with her did more than thirty minutes of sparring in the ring. Usually, there’s no better elixir than hitting and being hit. All she did was espouse a few more thoughts on the difficulty of living with grief. Somehow, the way she says it, makes it feel okay to immerse myself in it and still move on. As though you can do both at the same time, experience the oxymoron of debilitating grief with the progression of life.
That said, today I feel better than I have in a long, long time. And by better, I mean emotionally. My outlook on the day is positive, and my disposition is, dare I say, happy. It’s unsettling but I kind of like it all the same.
I look up and see the two women coming up the front walk together. Both dressed for the warm weather, Tenley is in a V-neck t-shirt, cut-off shorts, and Converse sneakers. Nessa in a knee-length shift dress and flat sandals and I wonder if I should adjust the air conditioning so it’s not so cold in here. They are standing in front of me before I decide.
Nessa comes around the desk to give me a hug, while Tenley raises a hand in acknowledgment. I gesture to a small table I’ve pulled out from the rec room. “I thought we could set up shop here, if this works.”
Both women nod and head for the table, unloading the things they’ve brought with them. Nessa spreads out on one whole side of the table, leaving the other side for both Tenley and me. “I’m sorry,” Nessa starts. “I know I’m taking up a lot of space. It’s temporary, I just need to get these tasks organized in my mind and then on paper. The easiest way for me to do that is to see them spread out before me.”
“No problem,” Tenley says. I murmur something similar and we each take a seat next to one another, opposite Nessa. It’s a little too close for comfort. When we sit, my legs spread and hit Tenley’s.
“Lovely,” she mumbles under her breath, her tone anything but sincere.
“Would move if I could,” I mumble with the same lack of friendliness in my tone. I’m not exactly comfortable being in such close contact. It makes me feel panicked and excited at the same time, but also sick to my stomach. Will there ever be a time the thought of another woman won’t invoke such chaos in my body and mind.
Coconut and vanilla—the scent I now associate with her—consumes my senses. I’m reminded of how feisty she was both the night before and the night of the auction. I kind of like she has a backbone hidden under that easygoing demeanor.
“The mayor called me with a few additional things she wants to make sure we cover on the fire department side of things. I figure we can split it, then divide and conquer.” She hands me a sheet of paper with a long list of items.
“A few things?” I ask, since the list has a lot more than justa few thingson it.
She shrugs in return.
“So, I take half of these things?”
“No, that is your half,” she says.
“Jesus, there’s like thirty items on this list. I can’t get all this finished besides everything else we’ve already come up with.” My outlook on life is suddenly not so sunny.
“Well, the mayor said that the fire chief assured her you will be on flex time to help with this.”
“Well, lucky me then.” I know I sound like a petulant child, but that doesn’t stop me. Because, in this moment, I don’t want to do this. And not with Tenley. Nessa: great. Tenley: not so much. “Jeez, Tenley, are you sure there isn’tmorewe should put on this list?” I ask.
“No, I’m not,Brad.” She bugs her eyes. “I’m sure that more things could come up. You know, if the mayor thinks of something else or if we realize we’ve missed something. But for now, it’s what we’ve got. If you know of anything else though, please feel free to add it.”
“You’ve already got the entire encyclopedia of things here. I doubt anything else existstoadd.”
“I have to say, I’m impressed you know what an encyclopedia is. Though I suppose, at your age, an encyclopedia was the go-to resource you had to rely on for information growing up. Am I right?”
