Page 60 of Love Resurrected
“How?”
“Now, Bradley, a woman cannot share all of her secrets, can she?” She winks at me as she says this, and I laugh in response.
“Okay. I trust you.” I haven’t said those words to someone in years. I also would not have meant it before now. But there is something about Nessa that makes me believe she will do what she says. If she plans to handle it, then there isn’t much left for me to do. I take a deep breath and let it slowly, trying to relax my mind before we get there. It’s not that I’m nervous, per se. It’s just that we kissed last night. I haven’t kissed anyone in over three years and now I have to see her.
Fuck, I guess I am nervous.
I turn into her driveway and head up the steep incline. Before I know it, I’m helping Nessa out of my truck and we are at Tenley’s front, door ringing the bell. Memories of last night flood through me.
Walking her to the door.
Turning to say goodnight.
Her lips brushing against my cheek.
My lips meeting hers.
Kissing.
I step discreetly behind Nessa and adjust my dick. He’s the only one out of the two of us that is excited about seeing Tenley again. I mean, I like her, I’m attracted to her, but I can’t have her getting the wrong idea as far as what the kiss meant, or where she and I might be going. The one and only answer to that is nowhere.
The door opens, revealing Tenley, and the air whooshes from my chest like I’ve been hit.
Fuck.
I can’t do this.
I can’t keep working with Tenley. I can’t run into her or see her regularly. I have to separate myself from this as soon as possible.
Kat’s voice rings through my mind. “Promise me you’ll move on. Find another love.”
Fuck.
Not that there is any love between Tenley and I, nor will there ever be.
Despite what my grief group thinks, I can’t imagine ever having any kind of love for someone again. But I made a promise and I owe it to Kat to at least make a bit of an effort to keep it. I can reimplement my practice plan and use Tenley to my advantage. Keep my emotions in check, and more importantly, my libido. Make sure nothing gets out of hand.
That’s what I need in my life—containable ardor, controllable people, and for no one to have a hold on me. Someone right in the middle of my emotional spectrum. I can take her or leave her, but still enjoy the company and the sex. If I lose her, I won’t be devastated, but being with her won’t be taxing.
It’s a perfect plan, and I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before. Moving on will be easy as long as there’s no risk. As a result, everyone will leave me alone about this dating and finding someone new shit. If Tenley has any crazy ideas about she and I, my muted behavior will shut that up right away and soon everything will go back to normal.
It’s perfect.
“You don’t need to fix anything, Nessa,” I say as we step through the doorway, my voice low. “I got this.”
* * *
The inside of Tenley’s house is amazing. There are windows everywhere, with views that go on forever. All her furniture is man-sized, comfortable for a guy like me. It’s not too girly or cluttered, and it’s inviting, in a non-threatening kind of way. I love it.
We take a seat in the dining room, at a large natural wood table that has beautiful lines and knots in the top. I’ve never been much of a woodworker, but I can definitely recognize fine craftsmanship when I see it.
“This table is incredible, Tenley,” I tell her.
“Thanks,” she says. “The guy who makes them sells out of the Farmers Market on Sundays in the square. He has all kinds of stuff already made, or you can special order about anything. They are all unique and well-built.”
“I’ll have to check him out,” I say.
“Let me know when you go, I may join you. I want to order more pieces from him,” Tenley says.
