Page 68 of Love Resurrected
Brad was throwing up because he had sex, and he’s so disgusted by the thought of it. By the thought of me.
Shame fills me anew.
That’s a first. I’ve got some fucked-up dating stories, but this one takes the cake. I had a guy throw up because he had sex with me.
Great.
I make my way back to the table where Nessa is in conversation with the Gerardo about dance lessons. I slip into my seat, trying to be as unobtrusive as possible. Smoothing down my hair with one hand, I pick up my glass with the other and take a long drink of my water.
“Oh good, you’re back. Tenley. Gerardo was just telling me about the studio he and Lilliana have. They give lessons for many types of dance. I said that I thought you and Bradley did such a wonderful job . . . where is Bradley?”
I fold my hands on the table and take a deep breath, looking first to Nessa, then Gerardo, then Nessa again. Gerardo takes my silent cue and excuses himself.
“Did something happen?” Nessa’s face softens. She reaches across the table and touches my hand. Something about her expression makes me want to tell her all my secrets, pour my heart out to her. Confide in her how sex with me made a boy I like vomit.
I nod, my eyes filling, which is so out of character, I’m not a crier. But something about what just happened makes me want to be.
“We had sex in the bathroom,” I whisper.
Nessa rears her head, and shock blanketing her face. She clears her throat and retracts her hand, slipping it into her lap to join her other. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Me neither.”
“Are you okay?”
I shake my head.
“Is Bradley . . . did he leave?”
“I think so. Last I saw, he was in the alley behind the restaurant puking his guts out.”
“Oh dear.”
“Yeah.” I signal the server for another margarita. I think I need it.
“Tenley, you must understand, this has nothing to do with you.”
A noise of disbelief escapes my throat and my chest tightens. “I think I will have to disagree with you there on that one, Nessa.”
“Have you ever lost a spouse?”
“I’ve never even been in a serious relationship.”
“Well . . .” She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly.
The server brings me my drink. “Can I have an extra shot on the side?”
“I’ll have another martini,” Nessa adds.
“Does he want another beer?” She points to Brad’s empty seat.
“No,” Nessa and I both respond at the same time. The server nods and heads back to the bar.
Nessa reaches across the table again, touching my hand with hers. I open my fist slightly and she curls her fingers in my grasp. “The first sexual experience after the death of a partner can be traumatic. There’s a tremendous amount of guilt that accompanies, and an overwhelming feeling of betrayal.”
“Great.”
“But it has nothing to do with you. It really doesn’t have much to do with anything other than the stages of bereavement. And the emotional well-being of the surviving party.”
