Page 69 of Love Resurrected
“So, you’re saying this is just another stage of grief for Brad?”
“Brad will be feeling as though he’s cheated on Kat, if that makes sense.”
I nod and wait for her to continue. As I do, the server brings my shot and Nessa’s martini. I down the tequila with barely a flinch, enjoying the burn that spreads down my throat and throughout my chest, then chase it with a long draw on my fresh margarita. Nessa sips at her drink before resuming her thought.
“People need love in their lives, Tenley, it’s a basic human desire. We crave it. And so, when we lose a partner, that basic desire is no longer met, but the need is still there.”
“I get that—”
She holds up her hand to stop me. “That’s the part that is common sense. But what a lot of people don’t understand—unless they’ve experienced it for themselves—is that still trying to meet that need, is the memory of the person who once filled that space.”
We both sip at our drinks again while someone clears the plates from our table. The sounds of laughter and slightly raucous behavior bounces around the room. Glasses clink, utensils meet plates, music plays and songs are sung. It’s almost funny how such a serious conversation can be held in such a festive environment.
“Think of it like this,” Nessa continues, taking an empty glass from the table and shoving a napkin into it. “The glass is the desire. The napkin is the partner filling that need.” She pulls the napkin from inside the glass and wraps it halfway around the outside of the glass. “I can take that napkin out of the glass and put it on the outside. You can still see it there, but it’s not doing anything, filling anything. It just floats here on the outside. But from the right angle, the glass might look like it’s filled with the napkin.”
She looks at me to make sure I’m following. And I think I am.
“Brad can see the glass is empty. He knows Kat used to be in the glass, and he knows she’s now on the outside. But he also knows that sometimes, when he looks at the glass, it appears Kat is still inside. So, he has this need to fill the glass, in direct conflict with a false belief that the glass is already full. Does that make sense?”
“I think so.”
“And if the glass is full, if Kat is in the glass, then anything he does outside of the relationship, to him, is cheating.”
“So, he feels like he just cheated on Kat?”
“Yes.”
My chin drops to my chest and I play with the condensation dripping down the sides of the margarita glass. “What do I do now?”
“What do you want to do?”
I look back up, meeting her kind eyes. “Well, I mean, I’m not typically the kind of girl who confuses sex with emotion or really anything outside of it just being sex.”
“I sense abutcoming.”
“It would be nice if we could be friends.” I’m lying as I say the words. What I really want is more than friendship, but I didn’t realize that until I saw him vomiting in the alley. My first instinct was to help him, especially if he was sick. And even though I’d decided to get Nessa instead, I think that was nerves. Feelings of insecurity interrupting true intentions, until it occurred to me the reason he was sick.
“I think you both would benefit from being friends.”
My heart sinks. The disappointment that pierces through me at the idea of my relationship with Brad remaining platonic is sobering.
“You want more than that?” she asks softly.
I nod. “Is that stupid?”
“No. I haven’t known either of you long, but I think I know you well. Under the right circumstances, I believe a very compatible relationship could be had.”
Compatible?
My face drops.
“Brad is broken, Tenley. And I don’t know how long it will take him to heal or if he can. I don’t want you to get your hopes up thinking this might turn into something more than it is anytime soon.”
“Why am I even thinking this way?” I shake my head to clear it. “I’m not this girl that romanticizes shit. I don’t even believe in relationships. I don’t care if this ever turns into anything.”
“Did I ever tell you that William passed long before any of my girlfriends lost their husbands? I mean, most of them still haven’t.”
“No.”
