Page 85 of Love Resurrected
Only, maybe worse.
A new wave of grief washes over me as I get an inkling of how he must have felt. And a better idea of how Remi and Lexie must have felt.
I can’t go through that. I can’t.
I head to the nurses' station and wait for someone to be free to talk to me.
“I’m hoping to get an update on Sadie Stone?”
The nurse checks the computer. “As soon as the doctor is able, he will come out and give you an update.” She smiles, but it’s bleak and discouraging.
I return to our seats. Ethan looks up at me, hopeful, as I approach. I shake my head, letting him know there’s no new news. I sit down in the chair next to Brad, and my body feels heavy and uncomfortable. I lean my head against the wall behind us with a thud. Brad turns to look at me, eyebrow raised, and I reach up to rub the back of my head in response to his unspoken question. He pulls my head down to his shoulder with his good hand and allows me to rest it there. Ethan stands and resumes pacing.
Minutes turn into an hour. I try to cling to the hope that no news is good news.
Ethan apparently feels the same way. “It's got to be good it’s taking so long, right?” Ethan says it more as a statement than a question. “They’ve got to be giving her blood, which takes a while. She’s type AB, so they have plenty on hand.”
A doctor comes down the hall, pulling his surgery cap off as he approaches. “Sadie Stone?”
Ethan rushes to him. “How is she?” Brad and I crowd around him, hoping to hear something good.
“We’re doing everything we can but are having a difficult time getting the bleeding to stop. I’m afraid our only course of action at this point is a full hysterectomy. I need the okay to proceed. That isn’t a guarantee we can stop the bleeding, but it is our best chance.”
“Yes, fine, whatever you need. Just save her, please.”
“What about the baby?” I ask.
The doctor runs his hand through his short, greying hair, mussing it. “The baby went without oxygen for a while. She’s on her way to stable, but we don’t know yet how this has impacted brain activity. We have our top pediatric surgeon coming in, and I will know more then. Now, if you don’t mind, I need to get back in there.” The doctor turns to walk away.
“Hey, doc?” Ethan calls after him.
He turns back and looks at Ethan quizzically.
“Sadie is the priority.”
I can’t help the gasp that escapes. Ethan turns, giving me a harsh look, while the doctor nods his head and leaves. Brad puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes.
“Don’t do that, Tenley,” Ethan says. “We can have another baby. I can’t get another Sadie.”
“Ethan, they are taking her uterus. She can never have another baby.”
It seems to hit him then, the magnitude of the hysterectomy. He stumbles back against the wall and slowly slides down until he’s sitting on the floor, where I join him.
On some level, I feel helpless. I know Sadie would want me to help Ethan, I just don’t know how. It seems like every time we turn around, the news gets worse. I wish I was more of a praying person, because I would pray now with everything I have. But do higher powers grant the prayers of those who only do it when in need?
Brad sits down Ethan’s other side, placing his good hand on Ethan’s shoulder in an awkward show of support. I take Ethan’s hand in mine and hold tight. I wish I had something to help us pass the time, but everything seems so trivial. The only satisfying act is staring at the wall, forcing myself to go numb. I know I’m failing Sadie by failing Ethan, by not helping him through this more, but I can’t stop myself. I’ve had her longer than he has. I’m going through my own shit dealing with the possibility of losing her.
I think back to when she and I first met, during one of my stints in public school. Sadie saw I was alone at lunch and asked if I wanted to sit with her and her friends at lunch. The next day, we realized we lived in the same neighborhood as we saw each other walking home. That started what has now been a twenty-five-year friendship. I have no way of replacing that if she dies.
Ethan had the right idea earlier by pacing the halls. But pacing isn’t my style. Still, I need to move a bit and offer to go get us all coffee. When I return, Ethan has resumed pacing. I set Ethan’s coffee on a small table near the waiting area and gesture to it when he sees me. Then I take a seat by Brad, handing him a cup and sipping at my own.
“Did they have a breve latte?” He smiles.
“No.” I laugh. “But they have lots of cream and sugar, and that will do in a pinch.”
He taps his temple as though storing away the information. I lean my head back on his shoulder and start counting the number of times Ethan walks back and forth in front of us.
I finish my coffee as we settle into hour two of our wait and start coming up with ways I plan to help Sadie once she gets out of here.
