Page 89 of Love Resurrected
I lift my legs and wrap them around his back to give him better access. He leans down and takes my nipple in his mouth and tries to push himself up with his elbows. His right elbow slides off the bench seat and he falls, with little grace, on top of me.
“Oomph.” I grunt.
Attempt number two ends with the same results.
“Sorry.” He pushes himself up with his good hand and sits in the passenger seat. “Get on top.”
I scramble over and sink onto him. Its perfection. My nipples are practically at face level, and I have the use of both my hands to work myself up and down using the seat back to assist.
Brad moans, loud as he bottoms out in me. My god, I love the feel of this man. I begin to move, and he thrusts up each time I come down. The force of the connection hits me in exactly the right place.
“Ohmigod, don’t stop.”
He bites at my breast through my top, trying to pull it into his mouth.
“Brad,” I breathe, kissing my way up his neck. He groans in response and works his good hand between us to play with my clit. It hits me like a freight train, bowling me over with such impact, I lose my breath. Lights explode behind my eyes; the tension right before the ultimate release.
“Oh, god, I’m—” My orgasm takes over and I’m lost in a void of pure pleasure. With one last thrust, he follows closely behind. It’s quick and intense. I rest my forehead on his shoulder to catch my breath, and his chest lifts and falls with slow breaths.
“That was incredible,” I tell him. He nods, his head still beside mine. I’m almost afraid to look him in the eyes. I don’t know what to say or do. I’ve never felt this way before, about sex or otherwise. This moment, right now, I feel more connected to this man than I’ve ever felt with anyone before. Like we belong. Like a missing puzzle piece that’s finally found. Whatever theitis that everyone talks about, I know without a doubt that this is it.
His body jerks beneath me. At first, I think it’s the after-effects of his orgasm.
I take more than a minute to realize he’s crying.
32
Brad
I try to hold in the emotion I’m feeling.
I can’t.
What starts as a few tears turns into something more. My body shakes as I try to get it all out. It’s been a crazy emotional day, but it’s not just that. There was a moment, just now with Tenley, where I felt joy again. True joy, not because I orgasmed. And different from how it felt with Kat, but just as powerful.
In all honesty, I don’t know how to feel about that. On the one hand, I’m tired of being angry and sad all the time. On the other hand, Kat is gone so how can I possibly feel any other way.
And the third emotion weighing in is my feelings for Tenley, which I’m starting to have. She brings a level of comfort to me I haven’t experienced for years. How can I possibly have feelings for someone I barely know? A woman I didn’t even think I liked. It’s too fast.
“Are you cry. . .” Tenley starts.
I have no idea how to answer. I bury my head in her neck as my dick softens completely and tries to slip out of her. She moves to get off me, but I hold her tight and shake my head. I can’t let go yet. I need something to stabilize me, emotionally and physically. Right now, that’s Tenley.
I’m so tired of feeling so up and down all the time. Mostly down.
“I don’t want to be sad anymore, Tenley.” I surprise myself by saying it aloud. That wasn’t my intention. My voice is muffled by her neck, but I can tell she understands by the way she wraps her arms around me and holds tight.
“It’s okay to be sad.”
I know she’s right. It doesn’t change that I just want to go back to the person I was before. Before what, I’m not sure. Who I was prior to meeting Tenley, because there’s comfort in the routine of constant misery. And just as intensely, I want to be that man who existed before Kat passed. The one who only knew the pain of a temporary split, not an infinite one.
Tenley’s hands run up and down my back, and the motion is soothing. It makes mewantto relax, but it doesn’t make me actually do so. I hate that I’m so angry—at the world, at Kat, at myself. How do you explain that to another person without them trying to make it all okay? And is it acceptable to talk to the woman you just had sex with, about theotherwoman you’re still in love with?
Despite the despondency of my thoughts, my tears subside and my breathing returns to normal. “We should go,” I whisper. She nods in agreement and pushes herself off of me. It’s a loss I feel immediately and have to stop myself from pulling her back in. It’s like I’m drowning, and I know how to swim, but I just can’t get my body to move with the right motions.
I hand her some tissues from my glove box so she can clean herself up. When we’re both situated, with our clothes back intact and in the right seats for driving and riding, I start the truck. My hands grip the steering wheel tightly. I can feel I’m on the precipice of losing control and I don’t know how to rein it back in. The problem is, I’m not sure what it is I’m in control of. Me? My emotions? My life?
Definitely not.
