Page 45 of Dirty Quinn
David.
Daria.
Mack.
Quinn.
How I ever got into the FBI to begin with is a mystery to me now. Unless their standards are so fucking low that they’ll take anyone with a clean background check and no other qualifications. I mean, fuck, how many things do I have to miss before I concede that I suck as an investigator. Things close to me I should have caught before.
Fucking failure.
Why Quinn wants me, if she still wants me, is a fucking mystery. She’s better than that, better than me. But if she does still want me, I’m keeping her. I don’t care that she’s better than me. That’s why I want her. And if she’s foolish enough to think I’m worth it, I will take full advantage of that. I’mthatmuch of a selfish prick.
“We can get through, you?” Jen turns to me and asks. Her face is grimy and sweaty. It might be the first time I’ve heard her speak. Her voice, like her appearance, is soft and delicate. The complete opposite of her abilities and actions. But it’s that soft and delicate that brought her Daria’s way to begin with. And then the newfound abilities help to save her.
I’ve developed a newfound respect for Daria and what she does. When I first spoke with Viktor, he made it appear she was a hired gun. But as I’ve picked up things here and there, I realize that she’s really more of a rescuing guardian angel. A superhero in her own right.
I take stock of the gap and figure I can make it if I suck my stomach in and squirm my way through. “Yeah, I’m good.”
“Mack?” she asks.
“I’ll be fine,” he says.
We head back to get the others. Alyssa still hasn’t had luck with getting a comms device to work, but I’m confident that once we are past the pile of debris, she’ll be able to pick up a signal once again.
I gather Quinn in my arms. She stirs a bit this time as I pick her up, turning toward me to cuddle into my chest. I don’t even think she realizes she’s done it, but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying it all the same.
A rush of emotion floods through me. I feel so very grateful that she’s alive. I don’t think I realized just how much I cared about her until I found her down here. I can’t lose her. I get it now. Why Mack would risk everything, his entire FBI career, to protect Daria and her extracurricular activities. It’s the same thing I would do for Quinn.
Let’s be honest, the chances of me going back to the FBI after this are slim. For one, they allowed a known Russian Bratva to dictate my career. My career with the bureau, no less. Two, well shit, two doesn’t matter. One is more than enough. Because the bureau isn’t out for truth, justice, and the American way. They are a business, just like any other business, that needs a bottom line and profit margins.
I’m sure that Viktor Limonov paid handsomely for my services. Which begs the question, what the fuck did he want me to do where Andrei and Ronan were concerned? Maybe my check-ins with our day-to-day activities were enough regardless of how inconsequential I thought they were. Shit, that’s probably how he knew to come here today.
Which means offing me was part of the plan. It’s not like he gave me a warning before he attacked. If itishis men up there doing all this, which I’m assuming it is. I’ll have to deliver a special thank you to him once I get out of here. Hopefully, in person. Something along the lines of my fist in his fucking face.
28
Daria
I’ve long since given up any hope that Ronan is coming to help me. And it’s a humbling reality when you realize your own limitations and mortality. Everything I love is in that building, and I have no way of getting them out.
I don’t know if they are alive or injured, dead or captured.
Our comms have failed. The compound is only half standing. Bodies litter the grounds. The brute strength and force that my father put behind this attack is astounding. Which is why it’s so surprising that he doesn’t even know that Ronan isn’t here. I mean, that was his whole goal in the first place, to bring Ronan down.
So why come in with such a show of force and lack of remorse, putting so many lives at risk, when there is no guarantee on the one you genuinely want to eradicate?
I wish I had an answer to my own question, but I feel as though the strategic part of my brain is still rattled and in pieces from the explosion. I’m missing something in all of this, I just don’t know what it is.
I try to reach Mack again on the comms. Then Alyssa. Neither answer. I knew they wouldn’t, but I also can’t sit here doing nothing while I wait for Ronan to come to my rescue.
During a time where I want to feel that surge of adrenaline that catapults past the point of pain and into action, all I feel is helpless and forlorn.
Tired and weak.
Stupid and naïve.
There was a time, recently, when I would never have been in that tree before the explosion. Because I would never have allowed myself to put feeling and emotion ahead of planning and operation. Is it wrong that I’ve allowed myself to care for others and, in turn, let them care for me?
