Page 73 of Afternoon Delight
“Regret?” I asked, bracing myself.
“Not at all.”
I was in the chair, tying my sneakers, but looped an arm out to pull her into my lap, needing to hold her a little longer.
“Thank you for this,” I said. “It was amazing.”
“It was.” She petted my beard, her eyes level with mine, wearing the same smug, sex-baked glow I probably had.
“Would you do it again?” I asked.
“The butt plug? Or you?”
“Both.”
Her lips parted. I expected something light and witty, maybe a bit snarky, but her expression turned serious. She kept petting my beard, and my stomach dropped into my untied shoes.
“I like you, Zak. I’d definitely keep meeting you like this, with or without the toys, but… I don’t know.” Her gaze flicked from my eyes to my mouth and back. “We should be careful. You need a distraction, and I’m okay being that because I’m not looking for anything serious either. I’m going back to Toronto when Georgia is better. You know that, right?”
I stopped massaging her waist, resting my hand on her thigh. I nodded. I did know. I just didn’t like it.
“Do you feel differently about what this is?” she asked, dipping her head to make eye contact. But I didn’t want her to see how disappointed I was.
“No. I don’t know. You’re right.” I drew a hot, dry breath—like desert air, all heat and grit. “In some ways, I’m numb and just going through the motions. When I’m with you, I feel shielded from all the hard stuff. I feel happy. I like you, too.” So much. “I’m not using you, Meg. I hope I’m not using you.”
Was I?
No. I liked her. Genuinely. She was funny, honest, and had a generous heart.
A really big heart.
I swore, suddenly exhausted. The full weight of Dad’s condition settled across my shoulders, but it was mine to carry, not hers.
“Am I using you?” I asked, pretty sure I was.
“Maybe a little. But it’s okay. It really is.” She curled her arm around my neck and kissed the corner of my mouth. “I consent to being someone you talk to about sex and sometimes kiss and force mind-bending orgasms out of.”
I winced. It sounded very one-sided. “You don’t want more for yourself than that?”
“What I’ve got right now is pretty freaking great. I just made you wait to come until I got dessert.”
“You did.” The sheer glory of eating her until her thighs threatened to crack my skull like a walnut rushed back. When I’d been inside her, I’d come so hard my balls still felt inside out. “I could seriously die happy right now. You know that?”
Her lashes cut down to a saucy angle. “You’re welcome.”
I kissed her grin, and we lingered a little longer before parting with a casual promise to “see you Monday.”
But I sat in my car an extra minute after she drove away, thinking, Am I using her?
No. I wanted more with her. The problem was, my life didn’t have any room in it for dating, living together, or planning a future. It didn’t matter what I wanted. I couldn’t have it.
I couldn’t have her.
So it was good that she was fine with keeping it casual.
It just didn’t feel good to me. Not at all.
Chapter 40
