Page 3 of Stripping the Sub
Then he’d gone off to college, and in the days before social media, they’d lost touch. Her cell phone plan in high school hadn’t included texting or calls for a long-distance friendship. Besides, as a college student, would he really have wanted to keep in touch with a sophomore in high school?
Although, if he had, maybe she wouldn’t have made such stupid choices.
As if he could sense the sudden tension gripping her, Michael’s thumb swept over her skin in a comforting manner. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see he was studiously watching the choral concert, but somehow he’d known.
Pushing thoughts of the past away, Ellie focused on the present. It was a pretty good present after all.
After college she’d become involved in the BDSM scene when she’d finally gathered the courage to step offline and try some real, in-person experiences. She’d ended up at Stronghold for one of their open houses and had ended up signing up for an Introduction Scene. One week later, she’d actually orgasmed with another person, for the first time, and they hadn’t even been having sex. And she hadn’t been even a little attracted to the Domme topping her, Ellie could appreciate an attractive woman but she was only attracted to men. Mistress Lisawasa sadist though, and it turned out Ellie was a masochist.
She’d played with just the Dommes at first, without much of a sexual component to her scenes since she was straight. After talking with them, the other subs, and finally feeling completely safe in the club (especially down in the Dungeon where there was always a monitor on-site and everyone could see everything), she’d tried her first scene with a Dom.
The only problem with scening with Doms was they knew she was straight, and so some of them became hopeful something more would come out of scening together. Unfortunately for them, she wasn’t interested. And she didn’t do scenes in private rooms until she met Andrew, and they had only clicked because neither of them wanted a relationship. He’d been safe, emotionally. Fun, outside of the scene.
Ellie had even started to make real friends at the club. She was friendly with plenty of the subs, but she hadn’t been hanging out with them outside of work initially. First was Lexie, the sweet, extroverted receptionist, who seemed to take Ellie’s standoffish demeanor as a personal challenge. Then Ellie had taken the self-defense class with Angel, a pretty brunette who now engaged to Adam – Adam also being a friend of Andrew’s. Angel, unlike Ellie, drew peopleto her and, if she liked them, didn’t let them go. Or, as Angel put it, decided to ‘keep’ them.
Not long after Angel showed up, so did Michael - all grown up and gorgeous, and the only person who called him Mike now was Angel. The first time Ellie had seen him, her past had come rushing back in an instant and she’d panicked.Immediately avoided him, even when he’d try to seek her out. The shame that had welled up inside her hadn’t been anything new, but it had been something she’d thought she’d gotten past.
She wasn’t the same girl he’d known back in high school. She didn’t have the same positive outlook on the world, she didn’t have the same courage, the same confidence. He’d spent so much time her freshman year, helping her build up all of that, and after he’d left, she’d held onto it for a while… until she’d fucked everything up. Now she was broken. She didn’t trust. She didn’t do vulnerability and openness. And she hadn’t wanted him to see the new her. The fact that she was very much attracted to him didn’t help her state of mind either. Ellie didn’tdovery attracted. Ellie did do scenes, but with strict boundaries, witnesses, and plenty of emotional space.
But when she’d tried to start pulling away from Angel, Lexie, and Andrew, somehow she’d found herself being pulled back. At one point, Angel, who was very close friends with Michael, had even told her, “I don’t care what weirdness there is between you and Mike, I like you, so I’m keeping you.”
It had warmed Ellie from the inside out. She still tried to keep herself a little separate from the group of friends, but… she liked having friends. So she’d tried to keep herself separate from Michael. And that had worked.
Until she’d gotten all pent-up and unable to hold herself together. Work had been crazy, being around Michael at the club had been driving her crazy, and she asked Andrew for a scene - which also stressed her out because he’d finally gotten back together with his ex-girlfriend. Not that she was asking for a sexual scene, they hadn’t had one of those in months anyway, but she’d needed the pain… needed the release.
Andrew had agreed, as long as Kate could be there to watch, but he’d also included a fourth party to the scene. Even though Ellie had been blindfolded and the guest Dom never spoke and left before her eyes were uncovered, she’d known exactly who it was. But the blindfold had let her pretend, and it had been one of the most intense and satisfying scenes she’d ever done.
She’d tried to lie to herself that the high of the scene was because having two Doms working her over was an incredible experience, but deep down she knew that wasn’t all of it.
Then, she’d been invited to come to Kate’s choral concert. She couldn’t say no. Not after Kate had been generous enough to let Andrew scene with Ellie. Besides, she liked Kate. She liked Andrew’s group of friends. She liked being included.They were the first friends she’d made that she spent time with outside of the club as well as in it.
Ellie had seated herself in the front row with everyone else, in between Leigh and Sharon and had been enjoying herself, talking about Angel and Adam’s engagement and whether or not they were going to end up being married before or after their baby was born. So far Adam was pushing for before, Angel was pushing for after. Ellie kind of thought Angel might just be pushing for after to get on Adam’s nerves though. She was kind of a brat regularly, always looking for a spanking, and Adam’s gentle handling of her since she’d become pregnant was grating on her nerves. She’d been turning down his proposals for a while too, until he’d finally snapped and taken her in hand. Now that he was back to treating her like glass, she was becoming contrary again.
Then, Jake had sat next to Sharon and she’d taken off, and Michael had taken her place. Sharon and Jake didn’t get along. They were also both definitely attracted to each other, and didn’t want to be - which was probably a big part of why they didn’t get along. Not that either of them admitted to it, but Ellie liked watching people and figuring out what made them tick. She was pretty self-aware about her own hang-ups too, even though knowing what was wrong didn’t lead to being able to fix it.
Which was why, when Michael offered to change seats, seeing how uncomfortable she was, when he said he’d stop approaching her at the club, and stop asking her to scene with him if that’s what she really wanted… Ellie hadn’t been able to answer right away. He’d sounded so sad. The lights dimmed before she could respond, and then Kate led the students out on stage, and Ellie did the only thing she could think of to do - she reached over to take his hand while listening to a choral version ofBohemian Rhapsody.
Okay, maybe there were other things she could have done, but she’d wanted to take Michael’s hand. Even if she didn’t really know what she wanted from Michael, she knew what she didn’t. Maybe it was selfish, but she didn’t want him to stop trying to reach out to her. She didn’t want him to completely give up on her. She thought she’d given up on herself a long time ago, but hearing Michael say he would stay away if she wanted him to… every cell in her body rejected the idea.
The small smile on his lips indicated he was content with her non-verbal response. Which was a relief.
The music swelled as Ellie’s thoughts skittered around her head.BDSM was supposed to be about communication, but, other than explaining her hard and soft limits, Ellie really hated talking. Doms that tried to get inside her head didn’t get more than one scene with her. Inside her head sucked; she knew it, and she didn’t feel like sharing her messed up thoughts with anyone else. She also didn’t like having her boundaries pushed, and she’d known Michael wouldn’t let her get away with that. Even in high school he’d been insightful.
There was so much of herself she didn’t want him to see.
Maybe she shouldn’t have taken his hand.
But she didn’t like the idea of him leaving her completely alone either.
Indecisive much?
Rather than wallowing in her own issues, Ellie forced herself to focus on the music. The singing really was beautiful, and that was what she was here for after all.
******
The feel of Ellie’s hand in his was a familiar one, but at the same time it felt completely different than it had in high school. Not just because they were older, but because in high school she’d been so trusting, so open. Now she was guarded, and holding her hand felt like a much bigger deal - because it was.
So it also didn’t surprise him when she tugged her hand away from his to stand up, clapping along with everyone else at the end of the concert, and didn’t return it. Disappointed him, but didn’t surprise him.
