Page 36 of Stripping the Sub
When Michael got home he immediately headed out for a run to clear his head. It was still hot and humid, but he didn’t care. Being in his apartment made him feel confined; he had too much energy running through him to sit still and concentrate on anything.
He didn’t often go running, he really had to be in the mood for it, and today was definitely one of those days. It hadn’t escaped his attention Lexie didn’t share what her story with the others had been. He assumed it was too personal. Or maybe too upsetting. Although he was willing to bet Patrick now knew the details.
Were the details something he needed to know? With the others, no… it didn’t seem to affect them the same way whatever had happened to Ellie still affected her. With her, considering her hard limits, she was still dealing with the impact. Which meant it was probably really, really bad.
Michael’s leg muscles burned as he pumped them harder, running faster, as though he could outrun the rage and feeling of helplessness assaulting him. It took him a moment to also realize he was a little upset Angel and Lexie obviously knew more about what had happened to Ellie than he did.
He’d known Ellie for longer, dammit.
Slowing his pace, because his lungs were starting to burn and his legs felt like they were on fire, Michael forced himself to take deep breaths of the muggy air - which wasn’t easy. This had to be one of the worst evenings he could have chosen for a run; the air was so thick he practically felt like he was trying to breathe in water.
He knew it wasn’t personal. Lexie had even said Ellie had probably only opened up because the others had. Michael didn’t have any kind of life experience that really compared. Before, he would have said he could imagine what life was like for women, but… he hadn’t. He’d never even known how Angel had gotten into teaching self-defense classes.
Which made him think about what Lexie had said about being out for a run. He looked down the street in the dimming light, with all the cars passing. Some of them already had their headlights on, some of them didn’t. He tried to imagine what it would be like to have the cars honking at him while he was trying to run. To have someone hanging out the window at him.
To have someone pull over their car to talk to him.
He considered himself an aware kind of guy; he knew he ran a bit of a risk going out running alone, especially after dark, but overall he wasn’t scared when a car stopped. He just assumed someone needed directions. What would it be like to be petite, lightweight Lexie, and have a car stop… she wouldn’t know if they were looking for directions or her number. Whoever was in the car was likely larger and stronger than her.
Self-defense moves could only count for so much. Michael had helped out at the class final exams before, letting himself get beat up by the students… but he was always covered in pads which made him move slower and he definitely never used his full strength. Which, now that he thought about it, might not have done them any favors. Although Angel always said a big part of self-defense was confidence.
Sweat poured down his face as he slowed to walking, his damp hair getting in his eyes and he pushed it back impatiently as he brought his water bottle up to take a drink.
He was seeing the world through a slightly different lensand he was not a fan.
The beeping of his phone distracted him and he unzipped the pocket on his runner’s belt, thankful for the distraction - especially when he saw it was an email from Ellie. A grin spread across his face. She agreed to everything in the club contract and was looking forward to signing it tomorrow.
So there was something to be happy about.
Just that response lightened his entire mood. This was really going to happen. It might only be a tiny baby step for him, but he was coming to realize it was actually a huge step for Ellie. He had her trust.
And he was going to do everything in his power to make sure he kept it.
******
Dr. Amy’s office never changed.
Ellie had been seeing her for years, although now she only went once a month unless she felt like she needed to come in sooner, and the office had remained exactly the same. There was something soothing about consistency, and Ellie always wondered if that’s why Dr. Amy didn’t bother updating.
There was a big desk and computer, which Dr. Amy only sat behind at the end of the appointment when they were making a new one. Two couches in an L shape with a coffee table in front of them and a comfortable armchair set across from them provided plenty of seating for any number of people, just in case there was family counseling. Before Ellie’s parents had moved to California, they’d come with her more than once.
Her mom had been concerned about her lack of relationships and the fact Ellie had been seeing a therapist for such a long time and still wasn’t “fixed.”
Sometimes Ellie didn’t like her mom very much.
The couch Ellie was sitting on was dark brown leather with huge, soft cushions. She always sank right in and felt immediately comfortable, one arm resting on the arm rest to her left. She liked the corners of couches, especially big ones like this. They felt secure.
“So, you’ve gone from avoiding Michael to now agreeing to a kind of relationship with him,” Dr. Amy said. She looked relaxed in her armchair, wearing navy dress pants and a blue and silver blouse, her dark hair pulled back in a loose bun, with her legs crossed and her hands resting on her thighs. Dr. Amy never took notes, although Ellie assumed she must write things down after the session, but during the session her attention never wavered from Ellie. Sometimes it felt more like a conversation than a therapy session - well, other than the leading questions. “Why do you think that is?”
“Because I trust him,” Ellie said. “I trusted him back in high school, and I’ve seen how he is since he started coming to Stronghold. He hasn’t changed.”
Dr. Amy had heard all about Michael even before he’d come back to Stronghold. Since he’d come back into Ellie’s life, she’d kind of avoided talking about him at therapy for the most part, but this conversation had been inevitable. She needed to talk it through with her therapist. Especially after last night.
“Why not a real relationship then?” Dr. Amy asked, her hazel eyes far too astute. Ellie found her own gaze skipping around the room, something she knew she did when she was feeling uncomfortable with the current topic.
“I’ve told you before I don’t really feel comfortable in those. Not just because of my past but… I mean, I feel like I wouldn’t even know how to be in one.”
“But you’re already stepping into a relationship with Michael, even if it does have boundaries,” Dr. Amy pointed out. “He didn’t put a time limit on it.” Ellie had already given Dr. Amy all the particulars, so her therapist knew the answer, she was just making a point.
