Page 79 of Stripping the Sub
He glared after her as the others filed in behind her, heading towards his couch. As Adam passed, Michael glared at him too. “You need to beat her more often.”
“Probably,” Adam agreed. He looked Michael up and down, raising an eyebrow. “On the other hand, in this instance I think she’s got the right idea. But we won’t make you start talking till she gets back here or we’ll never hear the end of it.”
Having people in his apartment gave him something to do, and he took everyone’s coats and got them something to drink while Angel used the bathroom. He alsoset out some cheese and crackers, which made his stomach grumble again. Since there was only space for Angel left on the couch, Michael grabbed a chair from his table and dragged it over to sit across from them, muting the television. Being the only one on this side of the coffee table made him nervous so he grabbed some cheese to eat. Whenthe flavor burst on his tongue he suddenly realized how hungry he was. This time his appetite didn’t go away immediately. Maybe because he was distracted by the way Patrick and Adam were studying him like a bug, or the way Lexie’s leg was jiggling anxiously as she stared at him.
“Have you talked to Ellie?” he asked her, too desperate for information not to.
Lexie shook her head. “She’s not picking up her phone either.”
His breath caught in worry. Should he call her? Would she even want him to? Probably not, but maybe he should try anyway…
He just didn’t know what Ellie wanted him to do and being so unsure was making him insecure. Very unlike him, but he didn’t know how to fix it either.
“So what the hell happened with you and Ellie?” Angel asked as she came back into the room, obviously having overheard his question to Lexie. She plopped down on the couch next to Adam, across from the chair Michael was sitting in, frowning fiercely at both Michael and Adam when they tried to lurch forward to help her lower herself down. Eventually, she was going to have to give up some of her independence and allow herself to be helped, but apparently today was not that day. “Tell us everything.”
Too defeated to try and put up a fight, Michael did as she ordered and told them everything.
How he’d been pushing her the last month - which they knew. How he’d noticed her uncertainties and anxieties, but kept pushing anyway. How Sunday night he’d let himself be lulled into a false sense of security, thinking things had been going really wellwith them. How he’d thoughther drunkenaffectionate openness had relaxed his guard, thinking she was more comfortable with him than she turned out to be. Howhe’d slept over - really without meaning to - without her permission. How upset she’d been when she’d realized he’d done so.
And the worst of it.
He stared at his hands rather than look at any of their faces, his guilt and helpless fury rising up again and making the cheese he’d just eaten feel like it was curdling in his stomach.
“I should have kept in better touch with her, I shouldn’t have just let her drift away like I did, I should -”
“Whoa, whoa,” Angel said, stopping his recitation of growing guilt. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her try to lean forward and then growl in annoyance when her ever-expanding belly didn’t let her. She waved her hands, trying to catch his attention, and, reluctantly, Michael looked up at her. Strangely, she looked more confused than anything else. “What do you mean you should have kept in touch with her?”
“When I left for college,” Michael explained, his shoulders hunching against the regret hounding him. “I should have kept in better touch with her. If I had, she would have never -”
“WHOA, hold up,” Angel said, a lot louder this time. “Are you saying you think it’s your fault she was raped?”
His mouth opened and closed. He looked at the others. Lexie looked aghast. Patrick and Adam were frowning in consternation, but neither of them were looking at him with anything like judgment or recrimination.
“I mean… If I’d kept in touch with her, she might not have fallen for Lawrence’s lines… I could have talked to her about him, I could have told her-”
“Stop. Stop right there.” Angel pointed her finger at him. “It is not your fault. Not in any way shape or form. Even if you had kept in touch with her, she might not have told you about what was going on with him, and she might not have listened to what you had to say. How can you even think that?”
“Well, Ellie does,” he said, even though his brain perked up a bit, feeling that Angel had a point, even though it didn’t soothe the raging flood of guilt which had been running through him the past two days. “She even said it, I left and then she ended up dating Lawrence. I knew she was vulnerable. I knew she had a crush on me. And I just let things drift away because being in college was more interesting than a high school girl with a crush on me, no matter how cute she was. But we’d been friends and I should have -”
“Nope, stop.” Angel waggled her finger this time and a new emotion finally poked through Michael’s self-reproach. Annoyance. “You left for college. People’s high school friendships rarely hold through the first year of college. That’s normal and natural. It was notwhyshe was raped any more than being at a party or any of her choices were why. The only reason she was raped is because Lawrence was a rapist. Period.”
Michael wanted to flinch every time she said ‘rape’ and both Patrick and Michael looked uncomfortable too. Uncomfortable and slightly murderous, so at least he wasn’t alone in his feelings.
“I agree with Angel,” Lexie said. “And I am ninety-nine point nine percent sure Ellie absolutely does not blame you. She blames herself.”
“She didn’t do anything wrong!” Michael snapped, glaring at Lexie. Only for a second though, because Patrick shifted closer to his girlfriend, giving Michael a warning look. Feeling a little ashamed, Michael looked away, although at least Lexie didn’t look upset at his outburst.
“No, she didn’t,” Lexie said serenely. “But she feels like she did and it messes with her… sound like something you might be able to relate to?”
When Michael didn’t answer after a long moment, his head tumbling through the points Angel and Lexie were trying to make to him, Angel clapped her hands together.
“Okay. You’re going to shower and shave, while we make dinner for you, because I can hear your stomach grumbling from here, and then you’re going to eat. After that,you’re going to call Ellie, and hopefully she’ll pick up for you when she hasn’t for any of us.”
A mutinous response was on the tip of his tongue, but one glance at Adam and Patrick and he swallowed it down. It was pretty obvious what army Angel was going to use to enforce her will upon the proceedings, and Michael knew he would definitely be the loser in that two-on-one scenario.
******
When her phone rang and it was Michael, Ellie almost picked up.
