Page 6 of Desire and Discipline
Lily scooted closer to Priscilla, putting a supportive arm around her before she could ask Josie what she meant. Had Elijah attended without Josie? She had a hard time believing that. For all their constant clashes, Elijah doted on Josie. Priscilla tended to think that their outrageous arguments were part and parcel of their bed play. Not that she should be thinking about such things, but sometimes, she could not stop her mind from going to scandalous places.
“This would give you an opportunity to see the Society without his opinions influencing you,” Lily said. “You may find you have no interest, or even an abhorrence, to what you see, or you may discover a hidden desire. But if Joseph is there with you, you might be too busy watching his reactions to truly parse out what you want for yourself.”
“That does make sense,” Priscilla said slowly as Lily gave her a squeeze and let her arm drop.
While she was curious about the activities her friends had described, if Joseph was there, she would likely not react as naturally as she would without him. She would be too concerned with what he thought of her, of his possible disapproval.
“Anthony and I could act as your sponsors, and we would not leave your side the whole time,” Evie offered. “Which would ease Elijah’s mind.” She shot a look at Josie, rolling her eyes as she did so.
“Do not look at me like that. I do not care what you do, only that it derails my evening when Elijah falls apart because he saw something he did not want to.” Josie wrinkled her nose.
Oh… Priscilla wondered if the reason Joseph had stopped going to the Society was because his cousin had joined. Maybe he was like Elijah, and he’d stopped attending because he did not want to see her. Perhaps he had not wanted other people to see Priscilla.
Perhaps she should go, if only to see what it was about. If there were things Joseph was interested in, at least she would have a better idea of what to expect. And her friends thought she should go. They wanted her to go. If she went, she’d fully be a part of their group, and she would understand better what they spoke of when they talked about discipline, spankings, and things.
“Alright,” she said, sitting up straight. “I’ll go tonight. But… let me be the one to tell Joseph, if I decide to do so.”
“He will not hear it from us, that I promise you,” Evie reassured her with a smile.
4
Joseph
Guilt dogged Joseph’s conscience all day, to the point where he was nearly unable to return home to face his wife once he’d left the house. He spent the morning at White’s, the afternoon at Gentleman Jack’s trying to work off some of his emotions through boxing, and finally snuck back in through the rear entrance of the house, hoping not to be spotted. As the household should be busy with supper, he thought he had a chance.
It almost worked.
“Joseph? What are you doing back here? Everyone is in the dining room.” Diana, his father’s nurse, frowned as she came down the servants’ stairs he was going up. The informal greeting was one he’d become used to. Diana had been instrumental in nursing his father back to health and taking down the traitor who had injured him. During the investigations, permission to use each other’s Christian names had been given by all parties involved. There was no point in standing on ceremony while hunting a traitor.
The casual demeanor had continued beyond the investigation, and now Diana was as much a friend as she was an employee.
“Ah… I came in the back way,” he said, waving his hand over his shoulder. Which was a kind of explanation, though a very incomplete one.
“I see.” There was something in the way she looked at him that made him feel like a naughty child, which was ridiculous because she was only a few years older than him.
“How is my father doing today?” Asking after the Marquis always distracted Diana. If Joseph did not know any better, he would have thought there was something growing between them beyond the bounds of her profession, but that was ridiculous. Diana was a nurse, after all, regardless of any informalities, and his father had never taken a mistress that Joseph knew of. He’d remained faithful to the memory of his marchioness all these long years.
“Very well. We took a walk around the garden, and I do not believe he needs his cane as much as he currently relies on it. He has been moving very well lately.” Diana pressed her lips together, not sounding as happy as she might have. “I believe he will soon have no need of my services, though I am going to mention hiring another valet for him to assist with his daily activities. I am sure he will resist the suggestion, so I wanted to let you and your brothers know so you might lend weight to it.”
“Of course, whatever you say, Elijah, Adam, and I will all back you, and so will the others” Tendre for his father or not, Diana was extremely competent in what she did. She was also very good at managing his father, but she was correct in thinking that he would resist additional help. That his father allowed her to assist him as much as she did was a minor miracle and likely due to the fact she was even more stubborn than Evie.
“Thank you, Joseph.” Her smile was much more genuine now.
“No, thank you.” He smiled broadly back at her and quickly picked up his pace to move beyond her before she could question him further, which was a smart decision. He heard the pause behind him before she continued down the stairs, as if she’d been contemplating calling after him.
Would she tell the others she’d seen him sneaking in the back way?
He hoped not. If she did, he would have to come up with some excuse. Perhaps just that he did not want to interrupt their meal when he was leaving again immediately.
Thankfully, he did not meet anyone else as he quickly ran up the stairs to his room. He changed into suitable attire for the evening as fast as he could, then went back down the back staircase. This time, there was no one on it. As he darted out the back door, he breathed a sigh of relief.
There was enough time to find his own supper at the club before he made his way to Hartford House. He would need to be sneaky there as well. He knew his family did not approve of his matter of handling things, but they were not him. It was all well and good for Elijah to preach about honesty with his wife when he could not keep his own wife honest and under control.
Joseph had almost been trapped into marriage with Josie, and the idea made him shudder. He adored her, as she was almost like a sister to him, but the idea of being married to her was enough to give him hives. She constantly led Elijah on a merry chase, both verbally and physically. She also submitted to him, as a proper wife should, when it was time.
That was the opposite of Joseph’s cravings.
Though he found acceptance within the Society, he was still a man with desires more properly attributed to a woman. There were those in the Society who preferred to live as the gender opposite to what they’d been born to, but that was not him, either. He was a man, enjoyed being a man, but… he liked to be spanked by a woman. He liked it when a woman had sexual power over him.
