Page 7 of Desire and Discipline
Priscilla did have the latter, in some measure, but if she knew about the former, she would never look at him the same way again. He would not be her stalwart husband, her protector. It would change the very nature of the roles in their marriage.
Which was why such activities were better kept outside of it.
Something that none of his family could understand because, even in their perversions, they kept to their prescribed roles.
Hopefully, he would be able to avoid them all this evening. They were supposed to hold to the code of the Society, which was not to speak of such things to outsiders. The liaisons conducted within the Society were utterly secret. But Joseph did not think Evie had made an idle threat. Likely only his absence since he’d been caught with Lady Cross had kept her or one of the others from speaking to Priscilla.
That was why, after supper, he idled on the corner where Hartford House was located, waiting until quite a few carriages had arrived before slipping in with a larger group who entered at the same time. No one paid him a bit of attention, and some of his tension eased as he walked through the rooms.
He had not seen any of his family members arrive, which helped. With any luck, he would be able to find either Lady Cross or another lady willing to fulfill his needs and be gone before they appeared. Perhaps he should consider a man as well. He supposed it did not need to be a lady helping him purge the guilt and dark cravings that dogged his body, even though he did find it far more satisfying to have a lady do the deed.
He was in rather desperate straits at the moment, and Lady Cross was nowhere to be seen. Neither were any of the other ladies known to indulge gentlemen such as himself.
Waiting in the shadows for a quarter of an hour, he’d nearly given up on waiting any longer and was about to approach Lord Morton when he spotted Lady Cross coming down the hall. Removing her gloves from her hands, she’d obviously just walked in.
Letting out a sigh of relief, Joseph hurried down the hall to meet her.
“Lady Cross,” he said, giving her a respectful bow as soon as he was within reach of her. Older than him, she was a stately woman, a widow who had no interest in ever marrying again, but who thoroughly enjoyed disciplining men who desired it. She raised her eyebrows at him.
“Joseph.” There was an odd quality to her voice, almost as though she’d turned his name into a question.
“Are you free this evening?” he asked, doing his best to hold still rather than bouncing on the balls of his feet the way he wanted to as his anxiety took hold. He felt jittery, the guilt warring with nerves, and the urge to hide was growing stronger. The sooner they could be behind a closed door somewhere, the better. This was far too out in the open, where Rex or Elijah or anyone might walk by and see them.
“I am. Are you?” She raised an eyebrow at him. When Evie and the others had caught him with her previously, she’d been greatly displeased by the interruption and with him.
“I am,” he said firmly. The details were his own business. “Though we should lock the door this time.”
Her lips pursed, and she looked him up and down, crossing her arms over her chest, as though she was thinking.
“You have been a very naughty boy, and I am going to punish you very harshly if you go with me,” she warned him. There was a sternness to her that had not been there before. Every fiber of his being ached at the words because that was exactly what he wanted. More, it was what he now deserved. He needed the harsh punishment more than ever, needed the pain to wash away the guilt that plagued him.
He was not sure if he was imagining the judgmental glint in her eye. It was hardly unusual for a husband and wife to seek separate desires at the Society for Sin or for only one individual to be part of the Society. That was why it had been created—to cater to those who could not have their needs fulfilled elsewhere.
There was not supposed to be any judgment, but… Lady Cross had seen Evie, Josie, and the others and how upset they’d been at Joseph for being there with her. It might influence how she felt about him.
Though, apparently, it would not keep her from helping him. Possibly because she knew how much he needed it, and he was grateful for that.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said.
He’d explained to her that he could not call her ‘my Lady’ because that was what he called his wife as an intimate endearment, and she had accepted the explanation. Lady Cross was unbothered by her title when it came to such matters.
Pursing her lips, she looked him up and down again, as if wondering whether it was a good idea. He clenched his hands into fists. Perhaps it was not, but it was what he needed, and he was becoming desperate to have those needs fulfilled. He did not know that he would be able to think of anything else until he did.
“Very well. Follow me.” Crooking her finger, she swept past him, going deeper into the house. Joseph followed obediently behind.
5
Priscilla
From the moment the carriage arrived, the difference between this event and any other she’d attended before was stark.
There were no carriages proudly bearing their owners’ emblems with coachmen in livery. Instead, every carriage that arrived—including the one she was in—was plain black or had fabric hanging over any distinguishing features, and the coachmen were dressed plainly. The occupants of the carriages exited with hooded cloaks obscuring their features and clothing, sweeping up to the doorway where the door opened immediately to allow entrance. Rather than light spilling out from the interior, the entrance was dimly lit, so she could not see if those before them removed their hoods immediately or not.
The curtains were tightly drawn, making the house appear rather empty.
“This feels very…” She could not find the word for it.
“Secretive?” Evie suggested, sounding amused as her husband Anthony opened the door to the carriage and stepped down ahead of them before pausing on the ground to assist them in disembarking. “It is. One of the worst-kept secrets in theton.The best kept secret is the names of the members and when and where they meet. Though most who know about the Society also know that Rex leads it. Whether or not Mary is a member or if she is unaware of her husband’s proclivities is a matter of much debate in certain gossipy circles.”
