Page 140 of Let the Game Begin
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“N-Neil,” Logan stammered, but I didn’t look at him. Instead, I just kept staring at the water, which now reflected my adult self, my powerful body and mature features.
“He, the Boy… He was just here… He was here just a second ago.” I pointed vaguely in front of me, but I felt completely disconnected from reality, shaken and confused.
Where did he go?
“There was no one there, Neil.” My brother sighed and put a hand on my shoulder to get my attention. I turned and the pity in his eyes made me crouch down at the edge of pool, in total surrender
“There’s no one,” he repeated miserably.
31
Selene
People said makeup could work miracles, and in my case, it certainly did: concealer perfectly covered the bruise on my cheek.
It didn’t hurt anymore, but without the makeup, it was still highly visible on my light skin.
Jared was definitively out of my life after that terrible night, and I found myself having conflicting feelings about that: On one hand, I was relieved that I wouldn’t still feel the stress of knowing I needed to reject him. On the other hand, it was shocking to discover that Jared had a violent side. I never would have thought him capable of that.
It did make me feel freer, though, and less guilty. I felt less in the wrong, and now I was free to pursue this connection I had with Neil with no obstacles. Well, no obstacles except the single insurmountable one that was Neil himself and his complicated personality.
I didn’t think I would ever fully understand his mood swings or what caused him to have such sudden and frequently unreasonable reactions. One moment, he could be so passionate and sensual, like he’d been during our dice game in the pool house, and the next he turned angry and dangerous.
Sometimes, he could talk to me and be communicative, while othertimes he turned in on himself and got lost in his own thoughts, like he was living in a world of his own.
I sighed and shut the book I was reading, stretching out my numbed muscles. I was sitting cross-legged on my bed, bored and obsessing over Neil. I’d studied all afternoon before taking a shower and putting on my tiger-print pajamas. I smiled as I remembered the first time Neil had seen me in them, when he made it clear that he hated them and they would never be able to “get a man hard.”
It felt like such a long time since that night.
Two knocks on my door pulled me out of the memory.
“Come in,” I said, watching Logan’s lean figure enter my room.
“I hope I’m not disturbing you,” he said, looking as embarrassed as I was.
He knew. He knew everything, just like Miss Anna.
“Logan, I…”
“I’m not here to pass judgment on you; I just want to talk to you.” He walked over to my desk chair and sat down it, resting his elbows on his knees.
I had no idea what he was going to say, and despite his reassurances, I was still afraid he was thinking horrible things about me.
“Neil is not like other guys,” he began, staring down at the floor as if searching it for the right words. “He went through certain things. Things that led him to develop these ways of acting and thinking that are…out of the ordinary.” He sighed, and I hoped he was about to get more specific. I had long ago realized that Neil was not like other people, but his being different didn’t scare me.
“What are you trying to tell me?” I asked, encouraging him to be more explicit.
“I’m trying to tell you that, if you’re looking for a fairy tale or a Prince Charming or even a love story, my brother is the wrong person for you.” He met my eyes, looking utterly heartbroken. “He’s not an evil person. In fact, I owe everything to him. He sacrificed himself to protect me, but…in doing that, he damaged himself.” His words were like a direct strike to the heart. His eyes were shining and full of the kind of fraternal feeling that I hadn’t experienced and could only imagine. Logan loved his brother deeply.
“His experiences made him who he is today, and I don’t think any one person—or their love—is going to cure him. That’s how it happens in books, Selene, but this is real life. Have you noticed that Neil…” He paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “He easily loses control, he takes countless showers every day, chain smokes, is emotionally isolated and addicted to sex, often acts irrationally, and has confused thinking patterns?”
These were, in fact, things that I had already noticed. The same things that had led me to search the internet for information about his possible psychological conditions.
“Does he…” I wanted to ask, but at the same time, I didn’t want to say something that he might interpret as insulting to Neil. I needed to know, however, so I cleared my throat and took the plunge. “Does he have borderline personality disorder?” I said, my voice little more than an uncomfortable whisper. I hoped Logan wasn’t going to get angry at me or see me as an enemy that he needed to defend his brother from.
“No,” he answered immediately, and I got the feeling that there was a part of him that wished he could have said yes. “I know he’s a good-looking guy, and I know he does well with women, and I know that he likes you more than the others, but I care about both of you. And I’m afraid that one—or both—of you are going to wind up getting hurt in this crazy situation.” He ran an anxious hand through his hair before getting up and walking over to sit by on the edge of the bed.
