Page 16 of Let the Game Begin
I blinked repeatedly as the sun’s rays filtered through the window, lighting up the dark interior of my room. My desire to rise and face another day was nil. It was happening to me more and more often in recent days.
Why me?
It was the same question I asked myself every morning.
I rubbed my temples, throbbing because I’d had too much to drink the previous evening. Then, I glanced down at the bed, where the crumpled blankets beside me still held the imprint of the girl I’d spent the night with. I didn’t even remember her name. Luckily for me, she was already gone.
Lots of guys bragged about racking up women like they were collectible figurines, but I felt nothing but disgust toward myself. I just couldn’t find any other way to release the frustration inside me. That wasn’t an excuse, I knew, but it was what my life had taught me to do.
I got out of bed and grabbed the condom wrapper off the floor and threw it away. I walked into the bathroom, still nude, and halted at my reflection in themirror. The memories rose up again and lit the fuse of my rage, which I knew would blaze inside of me until nothing was left but a pile of ashes and pain.
Why me?
I touched my lip with my index finger and licked the bitter taste from it. Then, I stared at my neck, wearing evidence of greedy kisses; my chest, crisscrossed with scratches. It wasn’t hard to guess how I’d gotten them.
Sex was essential for me. I didn’t just derive pleasure from it; I had an extreme, even sick need for it. Yet I still hated the filthy feeling I got afterward. I hated feeling the residual traces of strange hands or lips on me. Most of all, I hated my body and my face that made me so desirable in the eyes of women.
Was it because of the way I looked? Was that why I had been picked?
I didn’t know, but I was determined to exploit those characteristics to the fullest. I would use them like a weapon against anyone who ever tried to hurt me. Never again would someone be allowed to destroy me.
I brushed my teeth, scrubbing them so hard that my gums bled. Then I got immediately into the shower and used an entire bottle of body wash to scour the memories from my skin. The boiling hot water alternately burned and the soothed the pain. The pain reminded me that I was alive.
I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. Then, unexpectedly, a new and different train of thought interrupted my usual internal torments.
I thought about her.
About Selene.
I remembered the good smell given off by her silken hair. It smelled like purity—the scent of a woman and a girl at the same time. Maybe it was just a figment of my imagination, but I couldn’t remember ever having smelled anything like it before.
No woman had ever drawn me in like her. I wanted to unearth her, provoke her, talk with her…and take her to bed. Selene had become another trophy for me to covet, but oddly, I didn’t just want to fuck her. I wanted to kiss her and lick slowly all over that slender, delicate body. I wanted to touch her hair and suckle her breasts, push her thighs open… I wanted to give her pleasure instead of just receiving it.
Instead of just demanding it.
These ridiculous thoughts made me smile. I quickly got myself together, and decided I would confine myself to just toying with her. She would be just one of many for me, even if she was Matt’s daughter. I could just have some fun without worrying about feelings I didn’t believe in. Feelings I couldn’t believe.
I had known a different kind of love, one that I would never want to push onto another human being. Still, I never knew how to control the impulses, and I felt the lure of the forbidden like a moth feels the flame.
I shut down all that rumination and went back into my room. Voices from outside in the garden caught my attention. Chloe and Logan were down there talking and joking with each other. I watched them from my balcony and felt a warming sensation in my chest.
My siblings were my reason for living.
I decided I would join them, so I put on a clean pair of boxers and some dark pants. On my way to the garden, I passed the kitchen and spotted my mother reading a fashion magazine. I hesitated for a few moments in the doorway. I didn’t want to talk to her, but I knew I couldn’t avoid it forever. I sighed as I walked into the kitchen, praying to whoever might be up there that she wouldn’t immediately start busting my balls with the usual questions.
“Good morning, darling.” She smiled at me, and I smiled in return, noting her severe pale pink suit and the way her blond hair was scraped back in an elegant hairstyle.
“Good morning,” I answered cooly. I poured myself some coffee, hoping both that it would ease my hangover headache and that my mother wouldn’t realize I’d been drunk the night before.
“Sleep well?” she asked, and I immediately noticed a suspicious tone in her voice that put me on alert.
“More or less,” I answered. I sipped my coffee with an indifference that was both affected and calculated. But I knew full well that war was going to break out at any moment.
“So, I saw something strange this morning…”
And here it is, shots fired. This enemy had a machine gun.
“Strange like?” I pretended not to know what she was talking about, but I was only wearing pants so my mother’s sharp eyes had no trouble spotting the incriminating marks on my chest.
