Page 194 of Let the Game Begin
My conscience poked its head out, seconding my instinct’s proposal that we make a quick escape. I raised my torso up but Neil didn’t pay me any mind because he had decided from the beginning that he was going to go with her. Even if I’d done everything I could to seduce him.
If there was one thing I was sure of, it was that my walking disaster wasn’t going to let a woman choose. He was the one who chose, always. And in this case, he had deliberately chosen Jennifer so that I could bear witness to another one of his obscene performances.
When Jennifer opened his fly and unzipped him, rubbing him through his black boxers, I immediately got up from the bed. I needed to leave before he got inside her, before she started screaming, and before I got sick for real. The two of them must surely have heard my high heels clattering across the room, but he didn’t stop me. He didn’t even give it a token try. So I went out the door and slammed it shut behind me.
I hated him. I hated him with my whole being.
I ran down the hallway, allowing tears of rage to stream from my eyes. I wasn’t crying for him but for what I had let him do to me. I would never be able to join his world, to share him with other people, to accept the inexplicable perversions that drove him.
I could no longer tolerate the power he had over me, the vulnerability he exposed in me. I could no longer tolerate the jealousy I felt toward womankind in general because of the fear that anyone could at any time take him away from me. Because he wasn’t mine; he didn’t belong to me. He didn’twantto belong to me.
“Selene.”
I halted, bumping into a firm body that was suddenly in my way. I looked up into the blue eyes of an unmasked Luke. His finely drawn features werecreased in a perplexed expression. A black track suit covered his slim, athletic body. It was nice but less impressive than Neil’s. And then I cursed myself because, once again, I was comparing someone else to him.
It was the same story every single time: I couldn’t think of anyone the way I thought of him; I didn’t believe there was anyone out there capable of measuring up.
“What happened?” he asked with a serious expression as he grasped my bare arms.
“Does this have to do with Neil?” he asked incisively. “Come on, let’s get some air,” he suggested. After retrieving my coat to protect myself from the brisk night air, I followed him out the exit. I still wasn’t sure how much I trusted him, considering that he was part of the Krew, and if he hung out with those people he was likely similar to them in some ways. His vibe, however, felt anything but dangerous.
We sat down outside on a wooden bench, also decorated with fake cobwebs, while nearby a group of people talked and smoked. The fact that we weren’t in a particularly isolated or secluded place calmed me down a bit.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” Luke brought a cigarette to his lips and felt around in the pocket of his jacket for the lighter. I took the opportunity to really evaluate him and realized that he wasn’t a bad looking guy at all. I’d even go so far as to say he was hot, just like that sleaze bag Xavier, with the main difference being that the latter was, in fact, a sleaze bag…
Luke had a masculine yet angelic-looking face. His blue eyes shone bright even in the dark, gloomy night. His blond hair was all ruffled and fell over his forehead. His nose was straight and proportionate and he had the lean body of a male model.
“Your friend is depraved with no empathy or respect for other people,” I snapped automatically, and he burst into laughter.
Well, I was glad to see someone was having fun, at least.
“What did he do this time?” He exhaled smoke into the air. I still wasn’t sure if I was confiding in the right person, but at least I knew his friend’s dirty deeds would come as no surprise to him.
“He took me into a bedroom where he knew Jennifer was waiting.” I wrapped my coat around myself more tightly and squeezed my thighstogether against the cold. I saw Luke’s eyes flicker briefly down to my legs before returning to my face.
“And he suggested a sex game, right?” he asked, smiling. He might have found the situation amusing, but I was just disgusted and disappointed.
“He wanted Jennifer and me to play. Whoever was better at seducing him got to…”
“Fuck him,” he finished for me, taking another drag from his cigarette. I looked at him again, and the longer I analyzed him, the less I saw him as a friend of Neil’s or a member of the Krew and the more I saw just another nice, normal dude.
“I think he probably wanted to show you how different you are from the rest of them,” he explained.
“Luke, he kissed me and a few days ago we…” I paused because I wasn’t entirely comfortable telling him that kind of thing about myself. I bit my lip and fell silent, hoping he’d figure it out on his own.
“He definitely likes you, that’s for sure. But I think he sees you more as someone to be protected than someone who could actually be a part of his life.” He took one last drag and put out his cigarette, looking back at me. My brow furrowed as I tried to follow his reasoning, and it occurred to me that he might be on to something.
Neil did like me, but he also thought I was a girl—too naive and inexperienced to be with him. I sighed, and as I watched the cloud of frozen breath slip from my lips, I thought about what Neil was doing at that moment up in that room. I wondered if he was done already or if he was just starting. Did he enjoy it the way he’d enjoyed it with me? Was that bitch Jennifer happy that she’d finally got what she wanted?
“You need to stop thinking that someone like him might change. People like us, we don’t change,” he declared firmly, looking first at my eyes and then down to my lips. I felt a jolt of electricity at his powerful, plain, and, above all, truthful words.
Luke was probably waiting for me to argue his claim, but instead I just dipped my head and accepted that uncomfortable truth within myself.
“But you, Selene…”
He tilted up my chin with his index finger, and his voice turned gentleand understanding. “You’re so beautiful and so smart. Do you realize how much better you can do than him?”
I appreciated the attempt to make me feel better, but I needed to close this Neil chapter of my life. The chapter about the screwed-up boy who, with just the sound of his voice, could reach places inside me that I hadn’t even realized existed.
