Page 200 of Let the Game Begin
“Let me go,” I commanded under my breath. And then I turned to look at him with the kind of anger that, for my entire life up until that I point, I had reserved exclusively for my father.
Neil’s expression softened, and he glanced down at my pajamas and then back up to my face with the faintest smile tilting up the corners of his full lips.
“Don’t think that I didn’t enjoy what we had together,” he murmured in a pitiable sort of way.
Why in the hell was he looking at me that way? I didn’t want to feel pity for anyone right now, least of all him. It didn’t matter that my eyes were blurry with tears and my heart was shattered. Traitorous emotions, why did they have to work against me when I most needed to control them?
“Of course you did. You got to use me like all the rest,” I snapped at him.
The instant I said it, my legs went weak and my wrist burned from being trapped in his relentless iron grip. It felt like there would be a brand there, something I would carry with me forever.
“That’s not what I mean…” he answered, annoyed. Perhaps he was feeling somewhat degraded by my accusation? But what about me? How was I supposed to feel?
“And what did you mean, Neil?” I prompted him. “After all, you have always been extremely clear on this point. ‘I like using you, Selene; use me too,’” I taunted, reminding him of his own words.
Because I certainly hadn’t forgotten them. I never could.
“Stop it,” he said in a menacing hiss, his hold on my wrist tightening. But I didn’t care. I didn’t care so much that it wrought a change in me. I began to spew out words, barely even registering what I was saying.
“‘Selene, it’s just sex. Selene, it’s no love story. Selene, you don’t know how to kiss, how to fuck, Selene, you—”
With one powerful tug he brought me suddenly closer to him and I fell silent. His face was just a couple of inches from mine, and from the cruel expression on his face, I knew that his patience was gone.
“Are those the memories you’ll be taking back to Detroit with you?” he whispered, a hairsbreadth from my lips, clearly trying to intimidate me. There was neither lust nor desire in his eyes but something darker and more dangerous that he was struggling to keep at bay.
“Yes,” I lied. I would never have admitted to him how I was going to remember so much more about him, about me and what we had shared with each other.
“Then you really don’t know shit.” He released me roughly and took a few steps back with a diabolical smirk that made me waver on the spot. He stepped away and leaned on the kitchen island, palms down, shoulders slumping forward as though something heavy weighed upon him.
“If I don’t, it’s because you’ve never given me anything of yourself other than your dick,” I blurted out, hoping to provoke him, and he turned to look at me like he couldn’t believe I’d spoken. He perused my entire body attentively, from my colorful socks to my baggy pajamas. Then he smiled the kind of intriguing smile that could have made anyone do something stupid.
“Since when is a girl like you so brash?” Something about his low baritone told me that he’d enjoyed my pathetic imitation of his usual lines, though it was obvious to the both of us that I belonged to a different world entirely.
“Since I met a deviant like you,” I answered in kind.
“Trust me—I kept it as sweet and romantic as I could with you, Tinkerbell,” he said with a mocking look.
“And what would you have done differently? If you were with one of the others?”
Neil considered my question for a few moments, wrinkling his forehead in an expression of concentration that was almost fatally appealing.
Then he laughed sardonically and walked toward me as I trembled. I knew that I should have left, I should have gotten away from him as fast as I could. But something kept me stuck there, at his mercy.
“I would have grabbed you…” He took me by the hair and tilted my head so we could look into each other’s eyes. His tight grip along with the rough tone he used to address me generated only one feeling in me: fear.
“And I would have ordered you to get on your knees,” he whisperedslowly, still weighing and evaluating me with those golden eyes. Inside them, an explosion of emotions showed just how unstable and dangerous his soul really was. “I would have forced my way into here…” His eyes darted to my mouth, and I saw desire painted all over his face. “And I would have made you swallow it all down. I would have emptied myself into your mouth until you begged me to stop.” He clenched his jaw and released me abruptly.
I had to grab on to the kitchen counter to keep from falling to the floor while my heart pulsed so rapidly that I was afraid it would burn a hole in my chest.
“You’re shaking like a leaf.” Neil regarded me from head to toe, studying the reactions of my body. “This is why I’ve always tried to suppress the real me when I’m with you,” he concluded, taking another step.
In that moment, it seemed certain to me that Neil was a demon, wrapped up in gold and black to camouflage what he really was and bewilder my senses.
They say that, in life, we have to make the right choices, but we don’t always have the ability to recognize them. Who establishes right and wrong? Does the right thing really make us happy? Was going back to Detroit really the right decision? The one that would make me happy?
The first rays of sunlight began to peak through the window of my room where I had dragged myself after my fight with Neil. They turned everything they touched into gold, but the peaceful silence of the moment wasn’t enough to soothe my melancholy.
I looked at my reflection in the mirror, and all I saw was a girl in pain—alone, disillusioned with everything, but most of all, with herself. I knew from the beginning what I was getting into with a person like Neil. I knew from the beginning that, sooner or later, I was going to pay the price for what I’d done, but still, I chose to follow my heart.
