“Why did you?” I asked him back and he smiled at me…almost sweetly.
“You know what Bukowski said about that?” he asked abruptly, still touching me. I shook my head, and he went on: “If something bad happens, you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens, you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens, you drink to make something happen.” He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled our bodies tightly together.
Feeling awkward, I looked down at his bare chest, which did absolutely nothing to banish the odd feeling of arousal inside me. His knuckles brushed my cheek, so I slowly raised my eyes until they locked on his. All I saw there was desire. I wondered what he was reading in my gaze, but then his lips touched mine for the second time and the real world fell away.
I couldn’t reason; my brain shut down completely. All I knew was theheat of his body against me, my skin presented for his kisses, our hearts pounding together, our tongues chasing one another feverishly.
Neil tasted like alcohol, tobacco, sin, and mistakes. But also like dreams, certainty, experience, knowledge. I was drowning in his eyes. We freed ourselves from our clothing. A mix of pain and pleasure coursed through my body, carrying me away to some other plane. I felt my eyes stinging and moisture on my cheekbones…Am I crying?I didn’t realize it in the moment, but my nails were digging up his back while my body was racked with tremors and sensations I’d never experienced before. I felt at one with him and complete. Bound to this troubled boy about whom I still knew so very little.
We were gazing deep into one another, our bodies hot and intertwined, our minds clouded and dim. We were all irrationality and instinct.
Lust and error.
Reality and dream.
6
Selene
Weird.
That’s how I felt.
I was warm, lying in a soft bed, wrapped up in fluffy blankets.
I was awake, but I couldn’t seem to open my eyes.
I had no idea what time it was, though I knew I had definitely missed some of my classes for the day.
Slowly, I raised my eyelids and stretched my sluggish muscles, feeling an odd soreness in them. I glanced around and immediately spotted a dark wall in front of me, decorated with a poster of a…basketball team? When did my room get such…masculine furnishings? Everything ranged in color from cobalt blue to black.
Perhaps I was still sleepy? Or was this some bizarre hallucination?
I sat up, my head spinning, and discovered that I was completely naked. I sat there staring down at my breasts for an unknown amount of time, trying to reconstruct what had happened the night before. I racked my brain for some reasonable explanation, an excuse that could justify my lack of clothing, but nothing came to me.
I was starting to feel confused and lost when I felt a body moving next to me. I felt like dying when I turned immediately and saw the powerfulshoulders of some guy with his face buried in the pillow. My hands started trembling, and my stomach felt like it was being crushed in a vise. I leaped out of the bed and pulled the warm blankets along with me, revealing the naked form of the boy who continued to sleep unconcerned.
I could see solid legs, buttocks like carved marble, and an expanse of relaxed muscles, all completely exposed. Under normal circumstances, I might have been able to appreciate an Adonis like that, but not when I was inexplicably naked in his room.
“Oh my God!” I shrieked uncomfortably, clutching a long white sheet to my chest. I swallowed down a retch triggered by the disgust I was feeling toward myself. This was an actual tragedy; I had done irreparable damage this time!
Who was this guy? Had I just gone to bed with some stranger I met at the party?
“Mmh…” the boy muttered, burying his head deeper in the pillow. He didn’t seem aware of anything.
I looked around, and from the corner of my eye, I saw a photo on a shelf. It was of Logan and Neil as children at the beach. I reached out to the boy in bed. I touched his disheveled hair and stared at his bent arm, which was marked with a tattoo. Maori style…the same one…
The room began to spin around me as reality sank in.
“N-Neil,” I stammered, in shock. Then, the boy, no longer a mystery, lifted his face up and greeted me in a tired fashion, not even bothering to look at me.
“Hey, whatsyourname…last night was great but you can go now.” He clearly hadn’t yet realized the gravity of the situation but… Wait, was this the way he typically dismissed his conquests the morning after?
“Bukowski got it right…” I pulled the sheet more tightly around me and watched the muscles in his neck tense at the sound of my voice. He propped himself up on his elbows and turned his head toward me. He couldn’t hide the shock that showed in his still-sleepy golden eyes. Probably the same as mine.
“Selene?” he asked, sounding troubled, and I saw a flicker of surprise cross his face as he kept his gaze fixed on me. His lips were swollen, and hishair was a riot. Was I the one who had done that to him? And what about me? What sort of state was I in?
I began to pace the room like a maniac. I didn’t want to accept what had happened. I felt so profoundly soiled and wrong. I wished for nothing so much as the magical power to go back in time so that I could turn this reality into just a bad dream.