Page 29 of Let the Game Begin
I did, however, close my eyes, because surrendering to him hurt like a dagger to the heart.
“Except everything makes sense, and we can’t upend our whole situation,” I answered hesitantly. I wish I had the strength to reject him outright, but no matter how hard I tried to resist him, I was overwhelmed by the emotions he generated within me.
“My bed smelled like coconut this morning,” he whispered beguilingly. I could feel his breath on my lips. It smelled of tobacco and popcorn. I had to admit it: he knew what he was doing, and he had a talent for manipulating a woman’s mind. But that didn’t excuse my own weakness.
I opened my eyes and put my hand over his as I chewed on my lower lip.
“Stop,” I begged him, trying not to give in to this temporary madness that had already cost me so much just the night before. I was just one of many for Neil, and he likely didn’t have any of the same feelings I had. More importantly, he completely ignored my pleas, too focused on bending me to his will.
“I want to kiss you…” He traced the contour of my lower lip with his thumb, hypnotizing himself with his own movement. I saw the flicker of desire in his eyes and flushed.
“No,” I said with a decisiveness that I didn’t feel. I kept trying to put up a wall that might protect me in some way, but our commingled breaths battered it down.
“I wasn’t asking for your permission.” In a wild, impulsive motion, he pressed our mouths together. I went rigid, putting my hands on his chest with the intention of pushing him away. But my desire was obvious to a man like Neil. The sort of man who could make me feel completely naked without ever undressing me and who could read my every thought.
My lips moved slowly against his in a silent, teasing dance. I couldn’t catch my breath; my heart was pounding—I felt so alive. When our tongues intertwined, the kiss became something divine: powerful and magical.
He climbed on top of me and pushed me into the sofa, positioning himself between my legs. All the while, his hot and hungry mouth continued to tease me. I could feel his body’s reaction to mine. I sucked in a breath when I felt his erection rub between my thighs, giving me unimaginable pleasure. Secretly, I felt nothing but satisfaction about how excited I had gotten him.
I gave a moan of pleasure, and he smiled, pleased with himself. I dug my hand into his hair and kissed him passionately, blushing as a tiny gasp escaped his plush lips. I was fully aware that I was making another mistake, but I had already made a decision in my own mind: I was never going to getback together with Jared. By that point, I had realized that our relationship had always lacked one crucial element: love.
I hooked my legs around Neil’s hips, and we groaned together. Neil began to rock his pelvis slowly against me and my breathing got heavy. Even when I was completely at the mercy of these physical sensations, I still couldn’t help but marvel at how comfortable I felt with him.
So comfortable that I dug my nails into his powerful back and clung violently to him. All my muscles tensed and my knees trembled, but the pleasure merged with the guilty feeling. Though I intended to more firmly break things off with Jared, I was currently going further with someone else than I’d ever considered going with him, so I dug deep and tried to find the strength to put on the brakes.
“Please, stop,” I begged, panting as I broke our kiss. Neil’s face hovered a few inches from mine, looking both aroused and upset. For a moment, he looked at me like a child who had just been told he couldn’t have an ice cream cone. Then, he adopted the expression of a seducer so skillful that he could make heaven’s most devout angel commit the worst of sins. He licked his pink, swollen lips slowly, savoring the taste of me there.
“Why do you keep trying to reject me?” He stood up, and finally I could think clearly again. I felt hot and disoriented, but above all else, I felt…unsatisfied. I wanted him inside me again, and this time, I wanted to remember every single second of my transgression. When the full realization of that thought dawned on me, I turned red, ashamed of myself.
“Because of Jared!” I cried, my voice heavy with frustration. Neil shook his head, scrubbing a hand over his face.
“Fuck!” He turned his back on me, furious. Was he mad because I’d rejected him or because I’d brought up Jared?
“I’m different from the kind of girls you’re used to…” I began, though my recent behavior suggested that wasn’t at all true. Was that the kind of person I had become? I used to have principles. Now, though, I didn’t even recognize myself.
“Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare judge me. You don’t know shit about me!” Neil burst out menacingly, turning back around and advancing on me. I retreated. His stare had become dangerous. His anger seemed to comefrom somewhere far away, some other world. I caught a glimpse of something that dwelled in the depths of his soul: a monster that needed to remain undisturbed.
I kept silent; talking would only have made the situation worse. Instead, I looked at him. At all of him: the rumpled hair, the straight nose, plump lips, the sharp jawline, and then there were his eyes. Sometimes the gold of honey; other times as dark as coal. This was all their fault. What kind of spell had they cast on me?
“Neil!” Someone called out in the entryway. A moment later Jennifer, with her slender legs, curvy body, and flowing blond hair entered the living room, swaying her hips. What was she doing here? Was she always underfoot?
“Babe, I forgot my phone in your room,” she said, not sparing me a single glance. Then she threw her slim arms around a motionless Neil’s neck with the devil’s own shamelessness.
“How did you get in here?” he asked her, not moving away.
“The back door wasn’t locked. Sorry for sneaking in, but since I left my phone here, I couldn’t exactly call you,” she said coyly. “Will you take me upstairs to get it?” she continued in a suggestive whisper. She moved her body sensually against him, purring and rubbing on him like a kitten desperate for affection.
The Cheshire grin on Neil’s face told me that he was prepared to give her his full attention. They would undoubtedly be having all the phenomenal sex that I, in my stubbornness, had just talked myself out of moments ago.
“Let’s go…” he told her, taking her upstairs with him. They hadn’t even gotten to the first landing before my cell phone rang, Jared’s name appearing on the display. I felt a stab of anguish. I should have answered him, but instead I just stared blankly into space.
I felt like a ship adrift on the ocean and I could see the storm on the horizon, but I couldn’t seem to change course. What would become of me? Would I survive?
Or would I sink below the waves forever?
8
Neil
