Page 63 of Let the Game Begin
I looked pathetic and exhausted.
I shook my head and smiled wryly at myself. I lived my life in that state.
I was addicted to anger.
I used hate like a weapon.
I fed on my awful memories.
I was only deluding myself when I imagined there could be a better future and…I despised love.
Because I had been a victim of it before.
I had seen an unusual, aberrant,sickform of love up close. The kind that made an “I love you” into something that could destroy my soul all over again.
That was why I could never love.
That was why the monsters clung to my back.
That was why they whispered to me.
That was why I listened to them.
I was eaten up; I had nothing left to give someone. I couldn’t even take when it came to love.
I was incapable of belonging to another person, and Selene was going to realize that sooner or later.
I was just existing in a detached sort of way.
It was how I lived my whole life.
It was who I was and I wasnever going to change.
16
Selene
I sipped my coffee, trying to get something in my stomach. My mind was still combing over memories of the previous day. I had decided to go to Blanco with Logan. In fact, I’d driven him. I found him in the living room, trembling as he searched for the car keys. All he did was say Neil’s name over and over, and that he should have stopped him because he was dangerous in “that state.” I had no idea what he was talking about until I finally coaxed the whole story about Chloe and Carter out of him.
I sighed and put my cup back on the counter. Too much about that boy still eluded me. I’d watched him beat Carter bloody; I’d seen how incredibly strong he was, and I’d certainly observed the way he lost control. He had even elbowed me in the midst of his rage and didn’t appear to notice. It was like he couldn’t recognize anyone in that moment, not even himself.
My silent musing was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. I watched as Anna straightened her uniform and hurried to the living room.
Chloe was out with Mia, my dad was at the hospital, and Logan and Neil were probably still sleeping. I followed along behind Anna and waited in the kitchen doorway as she opened the door. I held my breath when I saw two policemen standing at the door. They scrutinized the house like a pair of bloodhounds while Anna tried to ask them what they wanted.
“We’re looking for Neil Miller. Is he at home?” one of them asked. The officers were middle-aged, tall, and imposing, and they wore their uniforms with obvious confidence.
Anna started and glanced around, perhaps looking for some way to stall or an excuse to offer. A rush of anxious fear ran from my head to my toes. Surely they were here about Carter. I wanted to jump in and rescue Anna from the awkward situation, but the sound of wild footsteps stopped me in my tracks.
I turned my head and watched Neil descending the giant marble staircase. His brown hair was mussed, like always. His golden eyes were lively and gleaming, and his lips were pressed into a severe yet charming expression.
He walked past me without even acknowledging my presence, and a wave of fresh amber smell hit me, giving me goosebumps. He’d undoubtedly just come from one of his many showers. By now, I was very familiar with his habits and his fixation on personal hygiene. He couldn’t seem to go without bathing multiple times a day, and weirdly enough, I also found that aspect of him attractive. It made me want to leap on him and drag my tongue over every inch of his skin the way I never had before.
I was a contradiction even to myself. I alternated between moments of sheer exhilaration and moments of deep regret. I still hadn’t been able to have a talk with Jared, but I was going to very soon, just as soon as things calmed down for him.
“Officer Scott, what an honor!”
I snapped back to the present moment when I heard Neil’s deep baritone greeting one of the men at the door. All I could see was his broad shoulders and the outline of his back’s musculature.
