“I think I should go…” Jennifer’s voice pulled me out of my musings. I watched as she got out of the car, and with a heavy sigh, I put my cigarette back between my lips and got out as well. She wasn’t my girl, not my girlfriend, nor even really my friend, but I wasn’t going to let her face Billy alone when he was drunk off his ass. I slammed the door behind me, and she turned to stare at me in shock.
“I’ll go with you. And I’m not asking for permission,” I clarified. I wasn’t sure how to describe what I was feeling. Maybe it was protectiveness toward her, or maybe I just wanted to clear my conscience of some of the awful shit I did every day. One good deed wasn’t going to make me a better person, but even though I constantly used women for my own purposes, the least I could do was protect them from people like Billy. I finished my cigaretteand squashed the butt before walking over to Jennifer, who was giving me a strange look.
“Oh, there you are, sweet pea,” her stepfather slurred, staggering toward her. I could smell the Scotch on him and wrinkled my nose in disgust. Jennifer went rigid and took a step back but Billy was so wasted, he hadn’t even registered that I was there.
“You back now? Your mother isn’t here, and I’m done for the day.” He scrutinized her up and down, spending a lot of time on her thighs.
I, on the other hand, was looking at Billy. It looked like he’d walked straight out of his office without a coat, though the day was cold. His suit jacket was wrinkled, and his pants were stained with who knew what concoction. His dark hair was adhered sweatily to his forehead, and his hazel eyes roamed voraciously over Jennifer’s body. There was at least a twenty-year age gap between the two of them, but he stared hungrily at her, completely ignoring that minor detail.
“O… Okay,” she stammered before turning to me with a doleful smile. “Neil, you can go now.”
It was only then that Billy noticed my existence. He stared at me, tilting his neck back to look me in the face, though he didn’t seem particularly intimidated by my size.
“And who would this be?” He turned back to Jennifer and took a few steps toward her, trying to keep his balance. “If your mother knew you were out with a boy…” he added with a sinister expression.
He licked his lips and made a grab for her arm, but I shoved him roughly away. Jennifer hid behind me, clinging to my side, obviously afraid. It took Billy a moment to process what was happening in front of him.
“Who the fuck is this? Some friend of yours?” he snapped in annoyance. I looked at him with a cheeky smile and thought about how I wouldn’t at all mind breaking this asshole’s face.
“Nah, I’m Santa Claus,” I answered sardonically and his forehead wrinkled up. “You want your present, Billy?” I added, and Jennifer held on to my jacket in an attempt to keep me from hurting him.
“Pick a hand, Billy. Right or left?” I showed him both palms, ready to throw a punch. He must have finally picked up on my intentions, becausehe backed away in fear. He was finally getting it. He had registered my size, my cutting stare, the tension in my muscles, and had decided that facing off with me would not have been the wisest choice.
“Jennifer! Get back in the house, or I’ll make you spend the night out here,” he yelled at his stepdaughter, who was still hiding against me. I turned to stare at her as she came out from behind me to follow him in.
“Billy, let’s just chill out, okay?” Jennifer was using the same voice she used on me when she was trying to get into my pants, and she shot him a beguiling smile. I knew every one of these persuasion tactics well, and though they weren’t working for me, they were definitely having the desired effect on the middle-aged man in front of us. Billy was hanging on her every word, looking at her like he’d never seen a woman before in his life.
Was she screwing this guy, too?
I wasn’t exactly surprised.
I shook my head and stuffed my hands in the pockets of my jeans, turning to leave.
“Neil, wait,” Jennifer called after me, but I didn’t turn around.
“Could have told me you were fucking him before. I wouldn’t have wasted my time.” I took out my car keys and unlocked the vehicle. I needed to stop giving other people the help I wished I had gotten. Everywhere I looked, I saw defenseless people at the mercy of monsters who were prepared to destroy them, but I so often got it wrong.
“It’s not like that.”
“I don’t care. It’s your life; do with it what you want,” I cut her off shortly. I didn’t care about her choices. Jennifer knew how it was between us. We weren’t together. She could do whatever—whoever—she wanted.
“I only fake like I’m going to fuck him to keep him from hurting me. Most of the time, he’s too drunk to know what’s happening, and he thinks I’m doing what he asks, but I’m really not,” she confessed breathlessly, following me back out to the Maserati.
“You don’t need to explain yourself. I really don’t care.”
I couldn’t understand why she was trying so hard. So what if she did? Then what?
It wasn’t like I was judging her. I was getting my rocks off with Matt’sdaughter, despite the risks I ran every time I sought her out, all just to satisfy my own sick needs.
I got into the car, ignoring Jennifer. I had no reason to hang around anymore. Blondie had this one under control.
When you really got down to it, everyone experienced their own form of suffering. And everyone fought against it in their own ways.
And Jennifer was no exception.
22
Neil