Page 41 of Would I Lie to the Duke
She turned to him and smiled—then realized he wasn’t speaking entirely in jest. Disbelief in her voice, she said, “You’d give up countless country estates—”
“Four. No, six. Damn, at the moment I can’t recall.” His first realization that not every boy stood to inherit half a dozen estates had come at Eton. Granted, most of the boys there had come from the ranks of the elite, with their own sizable inheritances, but almost noneof the other students could claim the level of wealth and holdings that he had.
“Half the country’s wealth, and the ear of Lord Liverpool himself?” Her look was puzzled.
He gazed skyward. “It’s the height of churlishness to complain about everything I have. I live the best life a man can have. That’s undeniable.”
At first at school, he’d been so proud of himself, smug in his superiority. But then he’d met four boys in the library who’d taught him that a person’s value wasn’t predicated on their coffers or land.
Thanks to them, he felt the responsibility of tending to his estates and tenants. It was a privilege to have as much—but damn if it didn’t also sometimes weigh heavily on him.
“And yet...?”
“And yet...” He exhaled. “I’ve good friends, men for whom I’d do anything. Beyond them...” It struck him now, the facts of his world, and a sudden hollowness resounded within him, at odds with the lingering heat from kissing Jess. “I’m often alone.”
“You’re seldom alone,” she said gently.
“The throngs you’d find surrounding an animal trained to entertain. There are my four friends—but to most others, I’m a well-dressed ladder. A means to climb higher.” His smile for her was small, but genuine, and the locked cabinet of his innermost heart opened. But it didn’t frighten him. He leaned into it, testing what it was to be so truthful with another. “It’s different with you. I’m not a dancing bear or a way to get anywhere. I’m a man.”
There was no disgust or fear in her eyes, no calculation as to how to exploit the knowledge he’d given her. All he saw was her warmth, and his smile widened. “When I’m near you, I’m very aware I’m a man.”
She looked stricken, then glanced away. “We really do need to return to the others.”
The heaviness in her voice alarmed him, sending prickling concern across his shoulders. “I’ve pushed you too far, made you do things you didn’t want to do.”
“You must not know me at all,” she said softly, “if you believe anyone could make me do something I didn’t want for myself.”
He inclined his head as gratitude and relief surged. “Point taken.”
“I’m merely tired. The day has been long.” Appreciation shone in her gaze. “This morning, you stepped between me and a conflagration.”
“Was that today?” He snorted in disbelief. “Can’t be. It feels as though—”
“As though?”
Noel hesitated. He’d taken a few steps in baring himself to her, but could he take more? Each revelation left him more and more exposed. She could use anything to her advantage. Certainly others in her position might.
But Jess wasn’t like that. He believed that completely.
“No point in prevaricating. Games are things to be played with other people, people I don’t care about.” He drew a breath, loosening his hold on his apprehension. “The truth is, it feels as though I’ve known you forever.”
The column of her throat worked. “It’s mutual, that feeling.”
Just then, he did feel like a human firework, brilliant as it exploded across the sky. He’d given her a piece of himself, and she had treated it with care and respect, not because she wanted something from him, but because to her, it seemed as though he was fully flesh, as vulnerable as anything that walked the earth.
Before he could take her in his arms again, she said with regret, “It’s time to go back.”
There was disappointment that this idyll couldn’t last forever, but he wasn’t a lad any longer. He knew what the responsibilities of the world entailed, including leaving this place, when all he wanted was to stay and stay and stay.
“Of course.” He offered her his arm, and when she took it, he led her back down the winding path. They joined up with the more populated walkways.
She looked skyward. “The fireworks have stopped.”
“For now.”
Chapter 13
Jess took the measure of the drawing room on the final full day of the Bazaar. They’d already seen two presentations and were taking a pause before the last push.
