Page 81 of Would I Lie to the Duke
“Why not?” the older woman demanded. “His affection for you is clear. And you couldn’t be more plain if you wore a sign on your chest and rang a bell in the midday square. So, it’s established. You both adore each other. Nothing else is relevant.”
“Things are exceptionally complicated.” Which was a very mild way of saying that if Noel knew the truth about her, who she was and what her purpose for being at the Bazaar was, everything would collapse in an unsalvageable heap. If she told him everything, if he understood that she had lied to him throughout their time together, her family’s business could be ruined. Yet if she said nothing, what she and Noel had together would be predicated on a lie. Eventually he would find out, bringing her right back to where she started. He’d be furious. Brokenhearted. Rightly so.
If shewashonest with him, and if by some miracle he still invested in McGale & McGale, she didn’t know if his feelings for her would be strong enough to continue. Could he care enough for her to see past her deception, and past his anger that was sure to come?
She was strapped into an iron maiden, waiting for the spiked door to shut.
“Child.” Lady Haighe took Jess’s chin between her thumb and forefinger in a grip that was astonishinglystrong. “We’ve one certainty in life. Death comes for all of us. It doesn’t care who we are or what good or evil we’ve brought to the world. We all turn to dust.”
“That’s rather grim.”
“Itis. Which is why I’m telling you that when you have a chance at something as rare as love, youtake that chance.” Lady Haighe smiled sadly. “I found love, but because I was a scared girl, and because his skin was the wrong color for my family, I took the safe chance and married someone else, but the one who’d captured my heart...” The widow sighed. “He walked away. Found himself a lovely wife and they’ve gone on to have a beautiful family.”
Lady Haighe released her hold on Jess to wipe at the sheen gathered in her eyes. “He found love and happiness again. And I’ve led a good life, but it’s been one without him. So listen to me, and listen well. You and His Grace have forged a rare bond. Don’t smash it apart because you were too afraid.”
Jess swallowed as gratitude swelled, though she still didn’t know what she ought to do. “Thank you.”
The widow raised an imperious brow. “And if you ever tell anyone I was tenderhearted toward you, I will deny it vehemently. I’ve a reputation to uphold.”
“Naturally.”
Lady Haighe glanced out the window beside the front door. She clicked her tongue. “Are they still loading the bloody carriages? How dull country life is.” The widow opened the door and strode out. “Are we leaving or do we plan on growing roots in the Hampshire soil?”
Jess turned a slow circle as she stood alone in thefoyer. She took in all the details of this room in Carriford, from its wooden paneled walls to the parquet floor, to the portraits of ancestors and several dogs—deerhounds. It was a wonderful house. Some fortunate woman would marry Noel and come here with their children and they’d have golden days and velvet nights.
That woman wasn’t her.
She knew this because she understood that no matter what, she had to tell Noel everything. He deserved it. He might pull his investment from McGale & McGale, and demand that the others withdraw in solidarity, but that was a chance she had to take.
Once he learned the truth, he’d want nothing more to do with her. She would be banished from the kingdom of his heart, and spend the rest of her life in exile, with only the memory of the last few days to keep her company.
Conversation in the carriage for the return journey was minimal. It seemed everyone was worn thin, between the Bazaar and the trip out to Wiltshire.
Jess stared out the window as the carriage drove away to preserve Carriford’s image in her memory.
Her gaze moved to Noel. Tension ripened between them, heavy almost to bursting. But they couldn’t speak candidly in front of Lady Haighe and Lord Pickhill, leaving the air thick with everything unsaid.
She’d bolted last night, and he’d been so open, so vulnerable. She’d repaid his courage with cowardice. But that would come to an end once they reached London.
Jess rehearsed what she would say to him, yet all thewords she grasped seemed too clumsy to express how much he’d come to mean to her. It would be wrong and manipulative to tell him of her deception, then follow up with a declaration of her feelings. Emotions weren’t to be used like weapons or traps, hurting or ensnaring someone.
Noel had donned his ducal mask, appearing as unruffled as if he’d been sitting in his favorite chair at Brooks’s.
Lord Pickhill broke the silence. “Almost forgot that the Season’s still going strong. We’ve a few more weeks of assemblies and balls and God only knows what before we can rest for the duration of the summer.” He chuckled. “There’s to be a ball tonight at the Earl and Countess of Ashford’s home. There aren’t many from the Bazaar who were invited, but you must be, Your Grace.”
“I’m obliged to attend,” Noel said. “Been trying to coordinate my schedule with Ashford and the ball’s the only opportunity we’ll have to speak to one another about a bill he’d like to sponsor.”
“Surelyyouwill attend, as well, Lady Whitfield,” Lord Pickhill pressed. “There will be an abundance of men of marriageable age who will be delighted by a pretty widow such as yourself.” When she didn’t answer, he added, “Youdointend to marry again, do you not?”
She felt Noel’s focus on her, but she kept her attention on Lord Pickhill.
“I am not marrying.”
Silence fell as tight as a knife against the throat.
Finally, Lord Pickhill coughed. “The roads are good this time of year, at least. Don’t you think so, Lady Haighe?”
“No one cares about the state of the roads, Pickhill,” Lady Haighe answered. “But,” she continued, when he deflated, “I’ll be happy to talk about horse racing. The Meloy family’s supposed to breed and train the best horseflesh in England.”
