Page 60 of Waiting for a Scot Like You
So, he drew a breath and said, “Early in my military career, I would agonize over decisions, and my men would be restive. I didn’t have confidence in myself, so there was no reason for them to feel confident inmy leadership. Fortunately, my paths crossed with an officer who bawled at me to wipe my nose”—in truth, Lord Somerby had snarled that Duncan had to wipe hisarse—“and do my duty by my men.”
“And so you did.” There was no condemnation in her voice or in her eyes because he was not always the assertive commanding officer. What he saw in her gaze and the gentle set of her mouth was something else: compassion.
His heart expanded and grew, pressing against his chest so that it was a physical ache. She gave him so much, and God, he was grateful for it.
Her regard roamed over him, gentle and probing and intimate. “Tell me something you’ve done for yourself since returning home.”
“Twice weekly I take my clothing to be laundered, and I pay a woman to clean my rooms,” he answered. “Oh, and to cook, since I’ve little ability there. But, other than that, I do everything for myself.”
“Meaning, something nice you’ve done for yourself,” she explained, smiling. “Something gratifying, or that you’ve always wanted to do. Maybe bought a whole cake from Catton’s that you shared with no one; it was all for you. Or maybe you went for a midnight gallop beside the Serpentine.”
“But...” He frowned in puzzlement, trying to make sense of the things she described. “Why would I do those things?”
“Because youwant to,” she said plainly, as thoughdesiring a thing and then making it happen was as easy as that.
“The law would frown on thundering around the Serpentine in the middle of the night,” he pointed out.
“It’s fairly harmless,” she countered evenly. “Especially in comparison to something like theft or assault.”
“Perhaps,” he allowed. “But I’d wager there are laws against it.”
“Yet there’s no law against eating an entire cake by yourself,” she said, tipping up her chin.
“Seems like a fairly foolish thing to take to the courts.”
She looked at him with exasperation. “You’re determined to vex me with your literalness.”
Even though it made him a cad, he chuckled. “It’s wrong of me to like teasing you, but I do. A bit of trouble for the troublemaker. But to your point, I was told as a lad not to grab all the cakes at teatime, so I’d never devour an entire gâteau on my own.”
“And you always do as you’re told?” she asked, her question more curious than pointed.
Still, his back stiffened. “If all the people did whatever they wanted, everything would break down, and then no one would get what they wanted because the world would be a smoldering ruin. There’d be no Serpentine to ride beside at midnight, and there’d be no Catton’s and no cakes.”
His breath came faster merely from the thought ofindulging his every whim regardless of consequence. He’d taken well to the army because of its insistence on discipline, and eventually he’d become a damned good officer with the commendations to show for it.
“A gentle touch of anarchy can be good for anyone,” she murmured. “It doesn’t have to be all the time, only now and again.”
“What if—” He fought to find the right words as he tried to understand himself. “What if I like it too much, and then I’m reckless and careless, and someone gets hurt?”
“I promise,” she said with assurance, “you will never carelessly hurt anyone.”
He wanted to believe her, so badly. And yet... “You can’t know that.”
“I knowyou, Duncan. You are a warrior and won’t hesitate to go into battle, but there’s nothing about you that would thoughtlessly wound a soul.” Her eyes held the depth of galaxies, fathomless with utter conviction in him, and that meant more to him than any of the ribbons and medals he’d received.
“Your faith in me is humbling—and ennobling.” His throat was thick, but he needed to speak. “Might never have a title, but after what you just said, I don’t need one.”
She had the loveliest smile when she said, “If you won’t give yourself something that makes you happy, then I will. Name it.”
“I truly don’t need anything,” he said automatically,though the fact that she’d even thought about what would bring him happiness sent a current of pleasure along his body, settling between his ribs.
This is just for now, he reminded himself.Nothing permanent. Nothing lasting.
“There must be something,” she insisted. “You said you’ve been restless, in search of purpose.”
Ah, hehadsaid that, damn it. “Taken care of. My position at Carriford, remember?”
“But what if it isn’t the answer to your restiveness?”
