Page 66 of Waiting for a Scot Like You
God, she didn’t know.
On this journey, she had found happiness with Duncan. Yet for how long could it last, when she could never give him what he truly wanted?
“Here, now,” he said lowly, interrupting her thoughts. “That’s a melancholy look for such a festive occasion.”
Her smile came readily as she gazed at him. “An occasion that you made happen.”
“Itneededto. A country wedding without dancing is like drinking whisky out of a sieve. An incomplete experience.”
She stroked a hand over his hair, brushing the coppery strands. “What a scofflaw you’ve become.”
His brows rose. “On the contrary. By helping arrange this assembly, I followed protocol to the letter. We’ve set things to rights, which is the opposite of violating a law.”
“But in Beaumont,” she replied, “dancing is against the law. So you’ve actuallybrokenthe rules.”
He stared at her, though his body continued to move in the steps of the poussette. Finally, he said, “The law is wrong, and this, I hope, helps makes things a little better for the villagers. The people here clearly want to dance, but the squire imposed his will on them and took away something they needed.” Quietly, meditatively, he said, “At the beginning of this journey, I’d never have done anything like this.”
“Something in you changed,” she said softly and watched the play of thoughts and emotions on his face. An edge of worry cut through her. Would he reject this metamorphosis? Or would he embrace it?
“The outside world has its expectations of me,” he said thoughtfully, still turning her in the dance. “But these last days, I’ve pushed against those boundaries. I’ve discovered something.”
“What’s that?”
“Not what I expected of myself, but...” his brow creased as he seemed to explore his thoughts “...what energizes me. This,” he said, glancing around at the decorated barn, “was a way to give Lou, and many people in Beaumont, what they wanted.”
“And they appreciate it,” she said earnestly.
“I’m glad, but this was also for myself, and you, too.” His gaze held her as securely as his arms. “I can seize opportunities for happiness, for myself and for others, just as you’d advocated. Like this assembly. The villagers needed to dance, and making certain they could do so broughtmehappiness.”
He went on, “Adhering rigidly to regulations is no guarantee... of anything. I followed rules, but why? There areshouldsandshouldn’ts,but I never truly knew who I was in the midst of that. I’ve tried to obey in the way I thought others wanted me to. But their wants don’t matter.”
She searched his face, his voice for signs of dismay or uncertainty, but what she found was strength and anticipation.
“Yougave me the means to question my assumptions,” he went on, his eyes bright and brimming. “All of them. And I thank you for that.”
“I can’t take credit for it,” she said, her throat aching with happiness. “It was entirely you.”
He gave her a lopsided smile that connected directly to her heart. “We’ll share the glory.”
The assembly went on for hours, with the dancing pausing only briefly to allow the musicians a few moments of rest. No one wanted to end the evening. The bride and groom appeared and danced together wearing identical smiles of joy.
Beatrice was torn with the desire to dance untilsunrise and the desperate need to drag Duncan to bed. She wasn’t the assembly’s hostess—that honor belonged to Lou—but she felt a certain responsibility to stay until the last notes were played.
Still... she caught sight of Duncan, paired with Lou on the dance floor. He said something that made Lou laugh. It didn’t come as a surprise that the girl had begun to moon over him. Hell, Beatrice mooned over him, and she was a mature woman.
From leading her out of the wilderness to civilization, and the way he’d organized this assembly, he had been remarkable today. He’d been remarkable every day she’d known him, and all the days she hadn’t. It stunned her at how mistaken she’d been about him, believing him to be easily defined and utterly without dimension.
They had been together all day, yet that wasn’t enough. She needed more of him, to feel his body against and inside hers.
The barn had grown quite heated with so many people within it. After watching the dancing for a minute more, she went outside. She moved across a patch of grass and stared up at the sky. Her mother had been quite fascinated by astronomy and had taught Beatrice how to identify some of the constellations.
There was Cepheus to the north and Boötes to the south, and seeing them again brought a lift of renewed happiness. Though she hadn’t been to this part of thecountry before, the constellations anchored her, making her fully aware of herself.
A smile curved her lips as she looked up to the stars. Mama had instructed her how to find constellations, which was educational, but she hadn’t told her everything, such as the fact that women’s lives were defined by their relationships to others. Daughter, wife, mother.
But now Beatrice was herself, as free as any woman could be. Even at this midpoint in her existence, there was still more to do, more to feel.
And there was Duncan—unexpected in every way. She’d never known anyone like him, and she never would again. Pain sliced through her at the thought of their eventual parting. Because theyhadto part. He wanted marriage and all the sanctioned trappings, but she would not, could not do that again.
