Page 68 of A Rogue's Rules for Seduction
“Oh, she knew me.” His mouth twisted. “Savile Row clothes and boots by Hoby couldn’t hide that I was still the same hulking brute who’d murdered her boy. She didn’t say anything, but she looked into my eyes, and hate continued to burn there. I tried to give her all the blunt I had on me, but she walked away and the pound notes fell to the pavement. A crossing sweep grabbed them.”
“Ah, no,” Willa said on a long, mournful exhale.
“I thought about going to the law, confessing what I’d done,” he said, stony. “But I worried what would happen to Celeste, to my da—especially toyou—when the scandal broke. Magnate Ned Kilburn’s son, a foul murderer. It would destroy everyone’s lives, not just my own.
“That’s when I knew,” he persisted. “Marrying you was impossible. It wasn’t only Tommy’s killing on my conscience. I’ve done other things, bad things. I’ve thieved and cheated and lied, and I’m not worthy of happiness with you. Andyoudidn’t deserve to be shackled to such a vicious beast for the rest of your life.”
There was another stretched-out silence that was like being drawn and quartered. Any minute now, she’d shout or weep or throw him out into the storm. But there was only sadness in her eyes, as if she bore the hurt that he’d carried for years.
He stared at her for a long time. “Ain’t you disgusted by me? Horrified by what I’ve done?”
“I’m sorry that you went through that,” she saidat last. “I’m sorry you’ve borne so much pain. But you don’t disgust me, Dom. You don’t horrify me.”
“I’m amurderer,” he insisted. “The foulest creature known to man.”
“Perhaps you did have a hand in his death, or perhaps you didn’t. It’s impossible to find blame—and I think you’ve endured your share of suffering as a result.”
He dragged his hand across his eyes as if he could wipe away the mix of compassion and distress he saw in her face. “I thought you would be revolted by what I’ve done. I kept it from you—didn’t want to see you look at me with loathing.”
“Dom.” Her voice was a breath. “You truly thought that an accident from your youth would make me hate you? And that’s why you pulled away before the wedding?”
At his jerky nod, her throat worked, and her eyes suddenly gleamed with moisture. The sight cut him as though he’d swallowed glass.
“When you left me like that,” she finally said, her voice ragged, “I think there was a part of me that was expecting it.”
“Hell, Willa,” he rasped, hating the hurt she’d had to endure.
“I’d treated you like a wolf on a leash, and you treated me like a princess, and so we weren’t being genuine with each other. Even so...” She moved to sit on the settee, and her gaze was distant. “I wondered if I was the kind of person anyone could love.”
A strangled noise escaped him. His mind had long been filled with tormenting thoughts of what it must have been like for Willa, to have him jilt her, but he’d always believed that that pain was better than what she would have suffered in becoming his wife.
What she described, though, was far worse.
She turned her damp but angry black eyes to him. “I feltbroken.”
At once, he was on his knees before her.
“I’m sorry,” he choked. “So incredibly, deeply sorry. I hurt you, betrayed your trust, and will spend the rest of my cursed life regretting what I did. It was never you,” he continued urgently, his hands bracketing her. “I should’ve told you. I should’ve trusted you.”
She pressed her hand to her chest, and there was regret in her eyes. “We didn’t trust each other.”
“The lioness figurine,” he said lowly, “the one I carved for you. Did you keep it, or throw it into the fire?”
She looked faintly puzzled at this abrupt change of topic, but answered, “I kept it.”
“You’d every reason to destroy it.”
“You used to buy me so many expensive presents,” she said after a minute. “They were beautiful and costly, and they all felt as though they were from someone else,forsomeone else.”
He recalled a few of those gifts. Pearl earrings from Asia. Enameled boxes directly from Limoges.Jeweled pins of Baltic amber and finely woven Indian shawls. Offerings to a goddess, not a woman. Nother.
“Should have given you sharp knives for throwing,” he realized, “and humble pebbles from the paths we’d walked together and books about lady pirates sailing the globe.”
“I don’t know if, back then, I would’ve appreciated those things,” she murmured, soft and sad. “I don’t know if I was ready to receive presents from therealDom to therealWilla. But now... the driftwood lioness... it was a gift ofyourheart tomyheart. That gave it a value beyond measure. I couldn’t throw it in the fire, any more than I could throw my heart into the flames.”
His chest swelled. “Willa—”
She stroked her fingers along his jaw, and her eyes were as deep and profound as the vastness of the night sky. “We’ve spoken all there is to say, Dom. Take me to bed. There’s been enough pain. All I want right now is pleasure.”
