Page 28 of Frost Like Night
I hurry after Rares, expecting him to lead me to the training yard I saw out front so we can dive into the sort of training I know I’ll need against Angra. When he takes me into a room not far down from mine, I hover in the doorway, confused.
It’s small, half the size of my room, with a cluttered desk spilling papers and books onto the floor. Maps cover the walls—maps of Summer, Ventralli, and Yakim; maps of Winter and Spring. Lines trace paths from Abril to Jannuari to Juli to—
“You were tracking me,” I say, breathless.
Rares steps forward. “Once the Order knew Hannah was on the right path, we hoped someone in your line would come to the decision to get rid of magic entirely. I only kept an eye out for you to come into your power. Which you did, here.” His finger goes to Abril on the map. “And here is where you found the door in the Tadil Mine”—he slides down to Gaos—“and here is where—”
“Okay, I get it.” I slap his hand off the map. “You’re a centuries-old magical man who’s been using his sparetime to spy on a teenage girl.”
Rares chortles. “Someone got her fire back! But no, I haven’t been spying—I was tracking. The only thoughts I ever got from you were magic related, and the occasional worry about war. Need I remind you that certain members of the Order have been tracking Primoria’s monarchs forthousands of years, waiting for one to decide what you did.”
I drop into a padded chair, all the others serving as more space for books and papers.
“Well, it’s still strange.”
He shrugs. “I’ll let you take it out on me later. Until then . . .”
I lean forward, eagerness clearing my mind. Yes, training—no time to waste.
Rares takes a seat on the edge of his desk, moving a stack of books to the side. One catches my eye—Magic of Primoria.
“That book!”
Rares glances down at it before shooting me a grin. “You’ve seen this before?”
I nod, my eyes darting over the familiar gold lettering. This copy is just as worn as the one I read in Bithai months ago. The Order wrote it; it makes sense Rares would have a copy.
I shift in the chair, ready, waiting,desperate.
I slept for three days. It’s been four days since Angra overtook Ventralli.
Be calm. I’m here. I’m doing what I need to be doing.
I square my shoulders and look up at him. “What’s the next lesson?”
Rares’s eyes brighten.
My lips unfold in the barest smile. “Have I surprised you?”
He laughs. “Have you surprised yourself?”
His question throws me and I shrug. “I’m . . . tired, mostly,” I admit. “I’m tired of fighting every single thing in my life. I’m Winter’s conduit; I’m Winter’s queen; I’m the only one who can stop Angra and the Decay. Not that I’ve accepted my fate, I’m just done denying it. I’ve spent years analyzing every choice and resisting every change. I don’t like who that’s made me. That’s not the person I want to be.”
“Who do you want to be?” he asks, the one question I’ve been avoiding for weeks.
I didn’t think it mattered. Itoldmyself it didn’t matter so I wouldn’t crumble under how far I was from who I truly wanted to be. But I’ve already come so far, let go of so much, that maybe I can let go of my self-inflicted barriers too.
So I level a look at Rares. “I want to be enough.”
His smile is soft. “You already are, dear heart.Feelinglike you’re enough has nothing to do with actuallybeingenough—you choose whether or not you are.”
Another choice. That eases me back to the matter athand, and I clear my throat, casting off this topic for an equally stifling one.
“The next lesson?” I try again, and Rares waves his hand in agreement.
“Yes, lesson four—do you know what happened to the magic chasm?”
I squint. “Aren’t we ready to move on to magic use?” That’s how Angra will be defeated, after all. He’s too powerful to be taken down with a mere sword—I’ll have to counter his Decay with magic, and block any of my people with magic, and save the world,with magic.
