Page 90 of Frost Like Night
And that is how Nessa’s death and Phil’s betrayal have changed our lives, I realize: we’re afraid now. If we go into battle with such emotions that the Decay can latch onto . . .
We’ve already lost.
I kick my horse forward, pressing for the best vantage point between the departing soldiers and the remaining camp. Eyes shift to me as I slow my horse to a steady walk,pushing down the line of faces that hold the same fear that chokes the strength from me.
They don’t expect to survive this. One of my own soldiers led Angra’s men right to us—what other betrayals await us still? Who will be infected? Will they die not by an enemy blade, but at the hands of their own brothers or sisters?
I lift my hands over my head, mouth open to call for attention. But how do I address them? It isn’t one kingdom I can call for.
That’s just it, though.
“Angra seeks to unite the world,” I start, my voice ringing out over the murmured farewells. Attention turns to me in a steady wave as I rise tall in my saddle, heart hammering. “We have seen the lengths he will go to in order to spread his control. But I see before me something much greater:trueunity. I see an army of Autumn, Summer, Yakim, Ventralli, and Winter. I see Rhythm and Season side by side, marching together in defense of a collective dream. A world we have never known, but wish to build—one without threat of magic. One where each of us is free to live and love andbeon our own.
“We have all lost something. Homes, loved ones,freedom—and that is why we march into battle at all. But today we suffered an equally great loss—a loss of innocence. You understand how the fight will go, that Angra will attack not only with weapons and soldiers, but withmemories and regrets. The moment we meet him in battle, every pain you harbor, every fear that camps within you, will be used against you. And it would be easy to give in to his attacks.”
My voice catches.
“But we are not here because we seek what is easy. We are here because we know we will achieve victory when we march to that battlefield. Angra wants to darken our world.” I shake my head, grinning so wide that I begin to think I’ve gone insane. “But we cannot be extinguished, and our light will blind him.”
The moment I finish, the crowd roars.
Fists rise into the air. Heads tip back. Shouts and cheers and whoops explode around me, each soldier casting off their fear in favor of this protective coat of belief. They feel it as much as I do—how much better it is to cling to words of hope than tremors of fear.
Not far from where I sit, Mather applauds alongside his Thaw, the smile on his face one of healing, one of hope. All I need is this. Mather, smiling. The soldiers, their mourning forgotten for a moment.
Everyone ready for war. Everyone ready forvictory.
I pull my horse around, plunging into the gathered ranks of our armies to find Caspar and Ceridwen at the front lines. I pass by Dendera and Henn, who applaud with the crowd, Dendera’s eyes glassy and her lips lifted in a proud smile. I tip my head at her, and my eyes flickto the side, pinning on Sir.
He sits straight up in his saddle, nearly a perfect mimic of Dendera, down to the glassy eyes and the quirk to his lips. That he’s applauding would have been enough—but he’s actually showing emotion.To me.Smiling.At me.
I exhale a shuddering breath, refusing to cry again.
I will face this war, we willallface this war, with the only weapons that truly matter: us, our strengths and weaknesses. Good or bad, awful or wonderful, these things have sculpted me, and I will use them to be the person the world needs me to be. The person Rares and Oana need me to be; the person Conall, Mather, Sir, and all the Winterians need me to be.
The person Nessa made me.
I will be Meira.
26
Mather
MEIRA’S SPEECH HADtaken the pain caused by the attack and smothered it like snow kicked over a fire. At least, the pain in the soldiers around Mather—even as he applauded, each clap of his hands thumped against the black grief in his heart.
He took stock of the Thaw without meaning to. Each of them was outfitted with weapons and dressed for fast travel. And each was solemn, applauding only because the energy of the crowd compelled them to ignore their grief for one sweet moment of clarity. But the moment would pass, and reality would crush them again, just as Mather knew it would crush him.
The look on Phil’s face when Conall had stabbed him hadn’t been regret or sorrow, nothing Mather had expected. It had been only anger.
Angra’s magic had done that. Taken loyal, happy Phil and made him . . . feral.
Mather should have seen it happening. He knew Phil had been hurting after the torture in Rintiero, but he had never thought . . . he hadn’t evenconsidered. . .
But he was the leader of the Thaw. It was his job to see such things.
He had failed Phil. He had failed them all.
Mather swallowed as Meira’s speech ended. She pressed past them, heading toward the front lines, and they, as her guards, should follow. But Mather watched William, Dendera, and Henn fall in behind her, and he breathed a sigh of relief that he had a moment to speak with his Thaw before duty swept in.
