Page 84 of These Divided Shores
“And you didn’t—” Her voice caught. “Why was she there?”
“Elazar did something to her.” Vex’s voice was small. “Drugged her. Same thing he must’ve done to Ingvar, to get her to submit to him.”
“You saw that happen?” She didn’t wait for him to answer. “And you didn’t stop it.”
The pain on her face filled Vex’s whole body with toxic guilt.
“Gods, Vex,” she hissed. “What the hell is wrong with you? What’d you expect to happen when you chose to go into Elazar’s gathering? Don’t you ever think?”
Vex shoved to his feet, needing to expel his self-hatred. “No, I don’t think. I do whatever I want and to hell with everyone else. I’m a good-for-nothing, unaligned heretic and—”
Nayeli squinted. “An unalignedheretic?”
“A raider.” Vex’s face heated. “A useless, unaligned raider. And I—”
“You two—enough.” Edda grabbed Nayeli’s shoulder. “Nay, we’re all scared out of our minds for Cansu. We dideverything we could in a room packed with defensors. You know we wouldn’t have left her there if we’d had any choice.”
Nayeli looked at the floor.
“And you.” Edda swung on Vex. “A heretic,” she parroted.
Vex shoved back, but tripped on Jakes and slammed to his knees. The impact sent a sting of pain up his thighs, his torso, and Vex slumped there, his face contorted.
“Is that what you think of yourself?” came Nayeli’s voice.
Vex closed his eye.
“What voice do you have in your head all the time, huh, Nay?” Edda asked. “Fatemah’s? I’m willing to bet Vex has his dad, or Elazar even, shouting at him all hours of the day.”
“Dumbass,” Nayeli scoffed.
Vex smiled. It rose to a chuckle, and when he opened his eye, Ben was watching him from the back of his cell, Gunnar next to him. Jakes breathed steadier off to his right.
“I know you love us, Nay.” Edda nudged her. “But your heart ain’t in this crew. It’s always been right here with Fatemah and Cansu. We were a way to bide your time till your heart healed.”
“You weren’t a way to bide my time,” Nayeli whispered. She looked up. “You weren’t—thismeantsomething—I may yell at you a lot, but you’re both—”
A weight thudded into Vex’s stomach. He felt wetness on his face. He was crying, surges of tears, all brought on by Edda, weeping, and Nay, weeping, and—goddamn them.
“We love you too,” Vex said.
“I was tryingnotto say it, Vex.” Nayeli scrubbed her eyes and looked at him. Her face softened. “I’ll talk to Fatemah. I’ll get her to let you out, or at least listen to your story and why you didn’t tell her who you are. I don’t know what I can do for your cousin, though.”
A too-familiar wash of dread made Vex shiver. “Just—” He hesitated. “Make sure the people in the tenement are all right. And see how we can... how we can get Teo back.”
Vex looked at Ben, who nodded.
“We’ll give Fatemah time to calm down,” Ben said. “If she is willing, I will speak with her. But I understand my presence here is—difficult.”
Nayeli shrugged without looking at him, her gaze still on Vex’s. “I’ll talk to Lu too.”
His body went rigid. Even if there weren’t bars closing him in, he wouldn’t be able to run to Lu. He wouldn’t be able to sweep her into his arms and make everything better. He was broken, and falling apart, and she hated him now.
God,thatwas what would kill him, the jagged teeth of his failure.
“Thanks,” he told Nayeli, but he knew it was pointless.
She nodded. Edda planted her hand on Nayeli’s shoulder.
