Page 93 of Go Luck Yourself
That word attracts others and piles them in an immovable blockade.Mess. Selfish. Disappointment. Why can’t you do anything right?
I gape at him, feeling the blood drain from my face, fingertips numb.
Loch must realize his own words in seeing my reaction.
His eyelids pulse. “Shite. Kris—”
I walk away, not even sure where I’m going, but I duck around Siobhán and Finn’s group and head into the main strip of festival booths.
Some are prepping food, roasted potatoes and fried pretty much everything, and it makes the air cloyingly decadent. I walk, and walk, until I come to a small green space nestled in an alleyway.
I canna handle another mess right now.
I should na have opened the door to take on you.
My heart races, aching with each too-fast thud, and I rub at my chest but nothing eases.
That’s exactly what I’m always terrified everyone in my life will see.
That I’m a mess.
That I have nothing to offer.
There’s a bench nestled under an arching tree and I scramble to sit—
—and look up at one of his paintings.
It’s been printed on a massive poster that covers the whole side of the building opposite me, complete with info for the festival highlighted over the bottom. This one is two people dancing, done in the same style as the painting in his studio, showing them from the shoulders up, twisted to some mute melody. They’re smiling, a captured, fleeting joy.
I stare up at the wash of colors, purples with pops of red, every stroke in motion.
He really is a talented jerk.
The ache in my chest throbs and a wheeze rattles in.
Fuck Loch. Fuck Ireland. Fuck all of this.
But Ican’t.Not yet.
I pull out my phone, vision blurring until I blink enough to clear it. My drunken text to the group chat is the last one in the thread. I delete it, then start again.
PEEP, MINI CANDY CANE, AND THE BEST CLAUS
You are all cordially invited to come rough it with me tomorrow. Party it down, Belfast-style.
COAL
i’m always up for a party.
to what do we owe the honor of gracing you with our presences?
i assume by all you meant that I can bring hex too
I would never dare part you from your emotional support boyfriend. Of course, bring him.
Iris? Can I pry you away from Easter prep insanity?
IRIS
