Page 93 of I Did Something Bad
“Hetrustedyou,” she says with a quiet rage that gives me chills. “He’d tell me,No, May, she’s different. She understands.Which I guess you did, right? You understood exactly what you needed to do to get a shiny magazine job. He risked everything he had and helped you cover up amurder—” She hisses out the last word. “—because he believed you were a good person. And even afterthat,you still kept upthat cruel board of yours, still kept trying to find a malicious scoop so you’d get ahead in your career. So excuse me if I don’t care that you felt like your job was all you had left. You’re not some fresh-faced intern looking to break into the industry. If you were actually good at your job, you’d know that a good story doesn’t come at the cost of exploiting someone’s trust.”
She sounds like she’s started crying. I know I deserve every word that she’s said, but that doesn’t make the pain easier to bear. “You’re right,” I say. “Everything you just said is all true. I fucked up, okay? No one has fucked up harder in the history of fuck-ups. But all I’m begging for is a second chance. I’d decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to publish any of his secrets,waybefore he found that stupid whiteboard that I’d completely forgotten about. I’m telling the truth, I swear. I’m only asking for one more chance, please.”
There’s another long pause. Finally, she speaks one word: “Why?”
“Because,” I say, dropping my forehead to the windowpane. “I have seen him at his best and his worst, and I can tell you right now that nobody will love him the way I do, as much as I do. I wanthim,May. I want him right now while he’s at the top of his game and he’s turning down Bond.” May’s scoff makes me flinch, but I continue, “And I would still want him if the whole world turned against him tomorrow, and I’ll still want him when nobody remembers his name. I don’t wantTyler Tun. I want justhim.”
I hold my breath. I don’t have anything else left to say, no pleas left in me. And I meant what I’d said: I’m not calling Tyler until—unless—May forgives me first. If I really know him, if I truly care about him, then I should care about what May thinks, too.
“He’s there.”
I straighten so quickly that I lose my balance and stumble a few steps. “What do you mean he’s… there? Or here?Herehere?”
“He flew back a few days ago. Surprised Jess for her birthday.”After a beat, she says, having checked, “It’s today, actually. Her birthday. They’re having a party at his apartment.”
“What? He’s been here this whole time?” I feel like someone pushed me onto a merry-go-round that’s going a hundred miles an hour.
“Like I said, he wanted to surprise his sister for her birthday. But if I’m being honest.” She hesitates for a few seconds. “I think it was also because he missed you.” Another pause. “He showed me the draft.”
I can’t tell if my heart rate has accelerated or flatlined. “He… did? Wait… what? How? How did you—”
“Clarissa forwarded it.”
“She… did?” I ask, unable to remember any words that contain more than one syllable. “Why?”
“Beats me. She just wrote something like,Thought you should see this.” Of course that’s all Clarissa wrote. “You didn’t include it. His retirement, I mean,” May states as though she’s testing my response to see if this is yet another one of my tricks.
“No.” I swallow. “I couldn’t. Even if I never saw him again, I needed him to know that I didn’t print any of the things he told me in confidence. That he didn’t meannothingto me. Almost the complete opposite, really.”
She lets out a frustrated sigh, the sound of someone accepting a reality they’ve tried to change at every point possible, but has chosen defeat. “He misses you. He’s like a teenager who’s fallen in love for the first time. Hard, fast, can’t-eat, can’t-sleep shit. It’s honestly verging on pathetic. I’ve caught him staring at your name in his contacts list for several solid minutes. He listens to this one Taylor Swift song on repeat. That one you guys danced to,” she clarifies, but she doesn’t need to, because I already knew which one. My mouth stretches into a grin. “You know how I said Tyler doesn’t know what he wants?”
I nod. Realizing she can’t see me, I mumble a soft “Mm-hmm?”
“Well, he wants you, Khin. I’ve never been surer of anything when it comes to him. But I need to make sure that this idea of you, this idea of a relationship with you that he wants? It’s actually who you are and what you can give him, and not just an idealistic dream that you’ve planted in his head so that he’ll put his guard down.”
“It’s not,” I promise. “Idolove him. Please, I need to talk to him.Ireread my own draft last night, and, well, it turns out it’s pretty obvious that I’m kind of pathetically in love when it comes to him, too.”
May chuckles. “Well, last time I checked, you had a carandhis address.”
“Should I… wait until the party’s over?”
“If I know Tyler as well as I think I do,” May says, and Iknowthat she’s smiling this time. “He’s not going to want to wait another second to see you.”
Tyler’s doorman instantly recognizes me and gives me a wave.
“Here for the party?” he asks as I wait for the elevator.
“Yep,” I respond with my biggest party-ready smile.
Even if I hadn’t already known it was the last apartment on the left, the muffled sound of people and music would’ve given it away. I stride over, ring the doorbell once, and wait. And wait. I ring it again, twice this time. More waiting. Still no one. Finally, I press down on it for four seconds and, to make sure, knock on the door once, twice, thr—
It opens.
It’s not Tyler at the door, but I place the face immediately. She’s more muscular, and she’s grown out her hair and has a full face of (stunning) makeup, but it’s her. “Jess! Happy birthday!” I say, clocking the white-and-goldBIRTHDAY GIRLsash slung across her. “I don’t know if you remem—”
“Oh my god, Khin!” Jess throws her arms around me. “It’s beenages. What are—”
“Hey, who’s at—” comes a voice from beside her, and the door opens slightly more.
