Page 140 of Katabasis
Archimedes mewed in agitation. Elspeth scratched the back of his neck. “Hush, you,” she murmured. “I know what I’m doing.”
A small part of Alice lit up with suspicion. Surely Elspeth wanted something. Everyone always wanted something. No magician ever did things out of kindness, or they wouldn’t have gotten where they were.
But there was no guile on Elspeth’s face. Just a sweet, open sympathy. Just kindness.
“But I don’t deserve this.” She deserved none of the favors she had received. Peter’s sacrifice, Gradus’s sacrifice, now Elspeth.What am I to you, she wondered,that you would do this for me?Her mind cycled through the possible tropes: relations of dependence or charity; mother to child; elder sister to younger; mentor to mentee; lover to beloved. But none of them fit, none of them came close to approximating this singular, inexplicable grace.
“Elspeth, why—”
“There’s no why,” said Elspeth. “You don’t have to understand it. You just have to accept.”
Alice pressed her face against the Dialetheia, brushing her cheeks against its petals. It smelled like another world; like a garden in spring, like fresh rain and birdsong.The world used to smell like this, she thought.I used to smell this all the time.
“In any case,” said Elspeth, “I don’t think they’re so difficult to find after all.”
“No?”
“We don’t understand the gods very well,” said Elspeth. “But we should not assume they have the same constraints as mortal beings. King Yama theoretically has control over his entire domain. I don’t think he lets something like a True Contradiction hang around just out of sheer negligence. I don’t think the godsdonegligence.”
“Then you think he left it here on purpose.”
“Rules are so boring,” said Elspeth. “So is infinity. You can’t knock about a closed system forever; the possibilities run out. I think, then, sometimes the gods like to play. Just for the hell of it.”
“Peter thought something similar,” said Alice. “It’s how he interpreted Gödel. There are always exceptions. There’s always something unexplainable, meaning at some level everything becomes possible.”
“That’s a good sentiment to hold on to,” said Elspeth. “Better than the alternative.”
“So you’re going to find another one.”
“Eh.” Elspeth gave her a little smile. “Maybe.”
Realization dawned. “You’re not searching anymore.”
“I’ve held off the inevitable for so long.” Elspeth had a faraway look in her eyes. “And I don’t want to put it off any longer. I’m tired of theNeurath, understand? I’m tired of always bobbing out at sea. I want someone to ferry me over.”
“I’ve seen them,” said Alice. “The ship, the angels. They came for Gradus, and I watched...”
Elspeth pressed forward, eager. “Oh, yes?”
“And it was beautiful.” Alice was so glad she did not have to lie. “Exactly like all the stories promised. They let you board. They let you drink. And then they take you over the horizon, to whatever lies beyond.”
Elspeth rapped her knuckles against her wooden seat. “Then let’s hope they’ll come for me eventually.”
“You’re way ahead of everyone in Dis,” said Alice. “You’ll do fine.”
Elspeth nodded. Alice saw her lips tighten with something—fear, perhaps—but they just as soon gave way to Elspeth’s typical resolve. “Any chance you could tell me how to get out of there quick?”
“You thinkIknow?”
Elspeth chuckled. “Fair, that. Any advice, then?”
“Avoid the citadel.” Alice settled back, gripping the Dialetheia tight against her chest. “The citadel’s a waste of time.”
Elspeth guided theNeurathforth intowaters unknown. They sailed without pitch or tumble, over waters so glassy smooth that Alice would have thought they were sitting still on dry land except for the rapid current of memories sliding away beneath them. Lower Hell shone dimly on the horizon, the fires of Dis growing fainter and fainter until it blinked out into darkness. Then they had only the low flickering light of Elspeth’s ember lamps, catching stray memories in the water. Eventually the memories stilled too, all vanished to inky black, and they were just two souls sitting in the dark, eyes locked on each other’s pale form.
“I don’t know what happens next.” Elspeth’s eyes were huge, frightened against her wan sliver of a face. “I’ve never been this far from shore.”
Alice noticed belatedly that she wasn’t doing anything with the rudder. The punting pole lay still on the deck; the sails were down. TheNeurathglided ahead on its own will, or on something greater’s will.
