Page 90 of To Resist a Scandalous Rogue
The group trooped out of the room, but Finlay didn’t watch their departure. He couldn’t look away from Charlotte’s face.
“Char, this is my chance for happiness. For in you, I’ve found everything I want. And all that I need.” Drawing closer, he lowered his voice so only she would hear. “I love you, Charlotte. I love how you’re stoic and proper one moment and sipping whisky with a stranger the next.” As he’d hoped, she giggled. “You challenge me, force me to consider a world outside of what I’ve always known. As much as it hurt when I thought you’d betrayed me, the real pain came from the thought I’d lost the best friend I’ve ever had.”
She clasped his hand tighter. “I didn’t want to do it. But…but Fin, you know any association with me could ruin your chances to win a seat in Commons.” She touched his cheek. “You’ve worked so hard to write your own narrative. I would hate myself if I stood in your way.”
“Stand in my way? There is no way if you’re not by my side.”
“Oh Fin,” she whispered, tears slipping down her face. “I was trying to save you, but you’ve saved me, instead.”
“It was my proudest moment, you should know.” His heart felt light when she laughed. “Will you marry me? I don’t want to face any challenge, any celebration, any sunrise or sunset without you.”
A dull light glinted in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” He swallowed. “Do you not want to marry me? I know you loved your first husband terribly. Is it possible you might have some love for me?”
“Oh Fin, you foolish man.” She pressed her lips to his, her fingers finding purchase in his hair. “I would be the luckiest woman in all of England to be your wife.” She pulled back, but her fingers continued to stroke his jaw. “But you know I cannot. I’m still Jewish, and you’re still Anglican.”
“H-how did you marry Roderick?” he stuttered.
She met his gaze. “He converted. We married in the synagogue.”
Finlay felt his mouth drop open. Roderick was proving to be a paragon of virtue. Recovering, he scrubbed a hand over his eyes. “Another source of contention with the Townsends, I’m sure.”
“Naturally.” A wrinkle marred her brow. “But you can’t convert, or you would risk losing—”
“Everything.” He exhaled forcefully.
Charlotte turned her head to stare out the window, and Finlay allowed himself a moment to simply admire her. The contours of her face. The sweep of her sooty lashes. The pillowy lips pursed in thought. He loved her so much. That she couldn’t be his was not an option.
There had to be a solution. She had sacrificed her freedom rather than exploit his scandalous secret, and he now knew his dreams were colorless and hollow without her in them. For, Charlotte had rearranged the puzzle pieces of his heart. They would never again fit together without her forshewas the matrix that aligned them.
“What if…” she hesitated, licking her lips. She slowly met his eyes. “I convert?”
He shook his head. “No. I won’t ask you to do that. You’ve sacrificed so much in your life, and to ask you to convert seems appallingly unfair.”
Without a word, she threw her arms about his neck and kissed him. Fiercely.
After several long moments, she pulled back. The color was high in her cheeks, and she looked achingly lovely. “And that is why I’m willing to do it. Roderick had been in a different situation than you, Fin. You might not think you’re entitled to or even deserving of your father’s title, but I know you are. Marrying me could kill your political career, but I won’t let it destroy your birthright as well.”
Fire raged through him as he attempted to order his thoughts and emotions. When he’d managed to subdue his strongest instincts, he cradled her jaw in his hand.
“I visited with Rabbi Davidman after I left your flat that morning. I wanted to marry you even then, but I knew this would be an issue. The good rabbi said you can convert in name only, like Esther did. And like her, your sacrifice will not be in vain, for as the future Countess of Rockhaven, you will be in a position to help those who need it most. We can champion causes together, while we practice the customs privately. I will help you observe as much as I can.” He grinned. “And I expect you to raise our children within the faith as well.”
“Truly?” Her eyes were bright with unshed tears.
“Of course. I want them to grow to be as courageous, generous, and loving as their mother.”
“And you will fight to ensure they can openly observe their faith and customs, whilst still participating in public life?”
“Absolutely.”
Charlotte considered him for a long moment, and Finlay thought he’d surely expire from the tension. “If you consent to me practicing in private—”
“I would practice with you”—he dipped his head—“if you consented, of course.”
“I would be honored if you did.” She pressed her palm to his cheek, her smile crooked. “If you are determined to throw your chances at Weobley and threaten your standing with theton, I am willing to convert. Because I love you, too. So much.”
And those words were a salve on an open wound. He drew her into his arms and buried his face in her hair.
