Page 78 of To Tempt a Scandalous Lord
She was in no state to see her husband. Her feelings continued to fluctuate, from anger to shame, dejection to bitterness. Niall might have occupied all of her waking thoughts, but seeing him in the flesh, hearing his deep tenor coast along her skin, made her want to flee, on foot, to his Highland home.
Swallowing, she managed to flash Murray a brief smile before grasping her skirts and slipping through the front door. The sound of mumbled conversation drifted from the direction of the drawing room, but Alicia turned away from it, instead dashing up the stairs to her chamber. Once inside her room, she sagged against the door, a hand pressed to her chest as she desperately tried to catch her breath.
Which was when her eyes alighted on a stack of papers perched on her cover pane. Her brow puckered as she approached it, reaching out a hand to lift the first page.
Child Labor Act 1834
Her breath stuttered in her chest as she sank onto the mattress, her gaze greedily skipping over first one page, and then the others. When she read the last word on the last page, her vision was blurry, and she clenched her eyes shut, ignoring the tear that rolled down her cheek.
The language was bold. Direct. Unapologetic. Fierce in its demand for better working conditions and age restrictions.
With a hiccup, she recognized many of her own arguments in the words. The practical part of Alicia knew the bill as written would never make it to a vote, let alone out of committee, but more importantly, Niall knew it. Yet he’d written it anyway because someone needed to. Just as she had told him.
Alicia didn’t know how long she sat there, reading and rereading Niall’s words, but at some point, she reached for the pen and ink pot on her side table, and scribbled notes and ideas in the margins. When the door to her chamber opened some indeterminable amount of time later, she didn’t look up.
“I know I should have changed out of these muddy shoes when I returned, but I was a tad distracted,” she tossed out to Jane.
“Do you suppose the mud will come out of that leather?”
His voice stilled her scribbling and stole her next breath.
Niall stood with his back pressed against her chamber door, his guarded gray gaze fixed on her. All the things he said to her the night she fled came rushing back, and Alicia averted her gaze. Her hands had curled unconsciously around his draft bill, crinkling the edges. Sucking a breath through her teeth, she willed her hands to ease their grip.
“Jane has been able to clean them every day, despite complaining that I’m doing my best to ruin them.” Alicia glanced in time to see the corner of his mouth quirk up.
“You’ve never struck me as a woman comfortable outdoors, but Flora said you’ve gone hacking out every day.”
“I like being outside just fine.” She sniffed as she set down her pen. “But I also know better than to turn down a ride with a trainer of the great Asad.”
Niall’s chuckle was intoxicating. “Very smart of you. She’s been singing your praises since I arrived, so I’d say you’ve won her over.”
Swallowing down an inconvenient lump in her throat, Alicia darted her eyes about, anxious to introduce another topic simply so she could hear his voice. She had missed it. Missed how it filled the air about her and drowned out every other sound as inconsequential because from the beginning his words, his thoughts had been important to her.
“You’ve read it, I see.” Niall jerked his chin toward the papers in her hands, gaze intent on her face. “And it appears you have several thoughts about it.”
Alicia traced the swooping swirls of her handwriting with her eyes, a dry guffaw slipping past her lips. “Just a few.”
He linked his hands together and nodded. “I’d love to hear them.”
“Truly?”
“Of course.” The jerk of his head was forceful. “Your opinion is the only one that matters.”
Anger flared, heating her skin. “And did you realize this before or after you learned of my alter ego?”
Niall stared at her, his complexion draining of color. “I’ve always known it.” His Adam’s apple bobbed. “But I allowed my insecurities and the stress of the situation to send away the one person I’ve come to rely on.” He took a careful step toward her, his gaze steady on her face. “When I think back to that night, I feel such shame. Shame that I trusted Matthews for so long. Shame that I thought I needed his approval to succeed. But more importantly, great shame that I offered you no grace. Even after coming to know you as I have, coming to know your generous spirit, I had no faith that your motives were sincere.”
Unable to hold his stare any longer, Alicia dropped her gaze to her ink-stained fingers. “It was I that had no faith in you. I should have told you about the tracts…but I knew how you felt about the author. I thought that before I told you, I could use my essays to boost your candidacy—”
“And hasten child labor reform,” he added.
Alicia lips twitched. “That, too.” She sobered. “But when you revealed Torres was searching for the writer’s identity, I grew fearful that any explanation I offered would be for naught.”
The draft legislation was still in her hands. Holding it reminded her of all the children whose lives would be made better if it were to pass. It reminded her of the helplessness she had felt as a girl with no one to turn to for aid. And for that young girl, Alicia finally raised her chin. “In the end, I was right. You sent me away, Niall, without allowing me to make amends. You rejected me, just as every other man in my life has done.”
The betrayal was like a cut that would never scab.
Alicia released the papers and buried her face in her hands. She didn’t care if she appeared weak in front of Niall. Shewasweak. Every moment she had spent with him, every thread of sparring banter they shared, every time he ran his hands over her body and made her toes curl in pleasure, had left her weak. Because she loved him, and when he sent her away, he’d shown that her love was one-sided.
