Page 145 of Rising Out of the Darkness
I yearned to drag my knuckles across those rosy cheeks, slide my hands into her thick waves of hair and pull her into an all-consuming kiss. Instead, I took a step back, forcing my hands deep into my pockets.
Tonight, Lena would make her own decisions, her own choices. Life hadn’t given her many opportunities to do so, and neither had I. From the very beginning, I’d controlled every situation that involved her. Protecting her had been my driving force, even if it meant protecting her from me.
Two nights ago, I had lost my willpower in the ballroom, giving in to my own needs without giving a second thought to hers. I’d asked her to trust me, then immediately broken it, all because I didn’t feel worthy of her or her love. I’d pushed her away because I felt like she deserved better than me. In doing so, I’d hurt her, and I’d have to live with that crushing feeling in the pit of my stomach forever. Forgiveness was not something I expected from her, but gods, the selfish part of me hoped for it.
A delicate hand pressed against my shoulder, and doe eyes stared longingly into mine. “I think I’m going to need to sit down to have this conversation.” Lena let out a weak smile.
I nodded, and in one swoop wrapped her in my arms. Her breathy gasp whipped against my shoulder as I zephyred her to the safest spot in the castle. My room.
Chapter 58
Elena
The queasy feeling that rumbled in my stomach every time I zephyred thankfully hadn’t appeared tonight, although the feeling of unease fluttered inside of me the moment I realized where Declan had taken me.
“Your room? Really?”
Shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly, he walked over to the bookshelf holding a small bar and made us drinks with his back to me. “It’s the most secure room in the castle.”
Letting out an exasperated breath, I slumped onto the navy settee in front of the fireplace. “Of course it is,” I mumbled, loud enough for my ears only. However, I could tell by his smug smile as he handed me my glass that he had heard as well.
Declan lowered himself into the leather armchair next to me, resting his ankle over his knee. My wandering eyes traced over the way his dress pants tightened against his muscled thighs. They continued to explore up his chest, lingering over the spot of tanned flesh peeking through his tunic that teased me in the most agonizing way.
Declan’s gaze was focused intently on his fingers as they circled the rim of his glass.
There was no stopping the blaze that assaulted my cheeks as I imagined those fingers circling over parts of my body. The thoughts spiraling through my mind right now were enough to make even the gods blush.
A seductively slow smile curved on his lips. Instantly, my body was set aflame, my heart pulsing at the same pace as the apex between my clenched thighs. Declan chuckled, taking a long draw of his whiskey.Hells.
It was almost like the man could read my mind, and he was enjoying it entirely too much.
With all my strength, I broke free of his gaze, focusing on the ceiling instead, desperately trying to stop my traitorous body from doing anything before we spoke about what this was between us. What it could be.
After taking some much-needed deep breaths, I lowered my head to meet heated emerald eyes. My restraint was so thin now that I felt it begin to buckle under his gaze.
Pull yourself together, Elena, you can do this.
My lips parted to speak. Declan interrupted before I got the chance.
“Hurting you was unforgivable, but I want you to know how deeply sorry I am.” He slouched over his knees, elbows resting on his thighs as his hands fidgeted.
“Dec—”
“No, Lena, let me get this off my chest. Please.” His voice rasped, as if each word that left his lips was agonizing.
“I’ve always had a difficult time letting people in, especially after losing two of the most important pieces of my heart.” His throat bobbed, holding back the sob threatening to escape. I rubbed my chest to soothe the pressure I felt building. Even with my ward up I could feel the agony within him.
“My mother…my brother”—he paused—“they were my torches in the darkness whenever I lost my way.”
I reached across and placed a hand over his knee. He placed his own on top of mine and intertwined our fingers.
“In the way they were my guiding lights, I became their fiercest protector. My life’s mission became to make sure no harm would ever pass their way. When I found out they were taken away from me, stolen from this world”—his words were gritted between his teeth as a tear rolled across his face— “I lost hold of my light, and the torch within me dimmed.”
I ran my thumb against his fingers, silently comforting him as he spilled the darkest parts of his soul to me.
“Can you…can you come here?” he whispered, falling back deeper into the chair, patting his lap.
The air thickened around us as I tried to decide what to do. This seemed too intimate of a position for us to be in, considering the heaviness of the conversation that we were having, but when I looked at his reddened eyes, I surrendered all worries. The urge to comfort him was by far stronger than the hurt feelings I had been harboring. Right now, we both needed this closeness.
