Page 146 of Rising Out of the Darkness
Rising from the velvet settee, I placed my hand on his shoulder, preparing to perch on his knee and swing both of my legs to the side over his.
“No,” he breathed, “I want you right here, facing me, Wildfire.”
Oh.
Warm hands slid against the bare skin of my lower back as he tugged me forward. His gaze stayed locked on me as his palms slowly lowered to my thighs. Knuckles brushed a heated path along my sensitive skin, sending decadent shivers down my body. He gathered my gown over my knees, allowing me room to straddle his thighs. Once my trembling body was seated, Dec dropped the beaded fabric and pulled me impossibly closer.
We were so close now, that I know he could feel my hardened nipples as they rubbed against his chest. So close that I could feel every heated breath of his on my face. There was nothing I could do to hide the muscles clenching in my thighs. His breath hitched and his forehead fell onto mine. For a moment, the only sounds were the rapid rise and falls of our breaths.
“I lost myself for a long time, Lena. I blame myself for what happened that day. I didn’t protect them. After everything that they had done for me, I left them alone. I’m responsible for their deaths. It was all my fault…I couldn’t save them…” His words faded to a murmur.
“I vowed that day that no one I cared for would ever be left alone, unprotected.” His strained breaths were all too familiar to me. I began to rock with him, trying my best to calm his intrusive thoughts. “Then Alastor—and all those people I—” He choked down a sob, and my arms squeezed tighter. “I hurt them—what if I hurt our friends?
“It killed me to see the hurt in your face these past few days.” He sucked his lips between his teeth. “To know that I was the one to cause you distress ripped every one of my heartstrings to shreds. Hells, Lena, what if—what if my hands were the ones that took you away from this world?”
Drawing back from his forehead, I met his gaze. My chest heaved at the blast of emotions that must have slipped past his cracked ward. A chill ran through me, full of despair. Tiny needle pricks attacked my skin from the fear and guilt that was written all over his face.
“The only reason I pushed you away was because I thought that I needed to protect you from myself.” He paused as his lashes flickered down. “Lena, I could never live in a world that’s not illuminated by your light.”
Tears began to fall freely now from my own eyes. Gently, I wiped away the ones escaping from Declan’s as I cupped hisface with both hands. Reaching deep into my dynamis, I pulled forward the happiest moments I had and lowered my ward to pass them through to Declan.
All the muscles in his jaw began to relax, and the lines in his forehead became less prominent.
“Do you remember what I said in your mother’s garden when you first brought me here?” I whispered, tipping my forehead to rest against his again. “I told you once that maybe we were meant to be.”
He nodded against my forehead. “The perfect balance of light and dark.”
“Since day one, the pull of attraction between our souls has always been strong. No matter how much we pushed away from each other, life seems to find a way to bring us back. We’ve both trapped ourselves in the darkness for too long, Declan. I believe were meant to be each other’s torches. We were meant to guide each other back into the light.”
His fingers tightened their hold around my body. I leaned into it willingly, because I knew my next words were going to be difficult.
“I understand your fears, and the weight of the world you carry on your shoulders. I’ve carried the same guilt with me for a long time as well.” I spoke softly.
“Lena, I told you before, you don’t ever have to feel ashamed for feeling so deeply,” he said, pulling back to hold my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze.
My lashes fluttered closed, because I couldn’t look him in the eye when I admitted it. Just as I couldn’t when I had told Clara. “I do, Declan. I have a right to feel ashamed.” I sniffled. “My feelings were the reason I couldn’t save my own mother.”
Slowly opening my eyes, I met his own. He stared at me with his dark eyes, so deep a shade of green, it was like I wasgazing straight into the lush pine forests of Ehora. There was no judgment waiting inside them, just concern.
“I could have saved her the night she died, Declan,” my voice shook.
“Lena—”
“I was there,” I interrupted. “I froze, Declan, my physical body paralyzed by the invisible darkness that haunts my mind every day. I let fear consume me, instead of saving my mother. I had a choice, but I wasn’t strong enough to take it.” He cupped my cheek as my body trembled with guilt. “Enough…I wasn’tenough, Declan. I never was, and honestly, I probably will never be.
“I pushed you away because I didn’t feel like I could ever be enough for you. Sooner or later, you would see that I had been pretending to be shining with light, but in truth I’m just full of darkness.”
No longer able to hold the weight of my shame and guilt, I collapsed into him, my head tucked between his neck and shoulder. Tears cascaded out of me as he rubbed soothing circles on my back.
We sat there in silence for a while. The crackle of the fire and the sniffles between the two of us were the only sounds to break it. Everything felt right in his arms as I felt the tug of the invisible string that connected us together.
“You have always been enough for me.” His hushed words warmed my neck. “Perhaps even too much, Wildfire.”
I shoved his shoulder, and both of us let out a few breathy laughs. Declan pushed a few strands of hair around my ear, and I hummed as his fingers brushed down my neck and back up over my jaw. Everywhere he touched my body, ignited a tingling sensation against my skin. Pinching my chin between his fingers, he raised my head to meet his stare.
“What happened to your mother was not your fault, Lena,” he said. My eyes lowered in shame. “Look at me.” His tone deepened. “The fault belongs to the person who took her life.”
Unconsciously, my head denied his words, shaking ever so slightly. His grip on my chin became a little tighter.
