Page 1 of Filter This
Prologue
18 months earlier
‘Oh my gaaawd, you guys! The big day has finally arrived. I have been dreaming about this moment since I was a little girl …’
Ali closed the front door behind her and ventured further into the hall. The peppy voice, which was coming from the kitchen, didn’t match their dingy house. It definitely didn’t sound like someone who’d be hanging out with Liv, Ali’s best friend and housemate. Dumping her bag by the hall table and chucking her coat on the stand, Ali peered into the kitchen.
‘First things first, I’ve got to take you all on a tour of the vendors without whom this magical and momentous day would not be possible.’
Liv was feverishly taking notes at the kitchen table in the cramped room, her phone propped against the fruit bowl in front of her.
‘The Aperol Fizz bar has been generously provided by the Cocktail Boys – because we all know mama needs her pep to partay.’ The woman on the screen gave a slightly randy wink to the camera and slapped her own ass.
‘What are we watching?’ Ali pulled up a chair to join her friend.
‘The disintegration of society,’ Liv muttered. ‘AKA Instagram.’
‘Ah, is this essay research?’
‘Yep. I’m thinking there’s actually so much more to be said, though, it may even be enough for a research master’s.’
‘Oh my god, gals!’ Liv was interrupted by the intensely blonde, intensely polished woman in the phone. ‘Would you look at this flower arch made by my fave pal @EmmasPetals – isn’t it ah-mazing? There’s a discount code for all my followers at the moment. Just use “MamasMiniMadams” at checkout for 5 per cent off all orders. And don’t forget to follow Emma – she is just so inspiring.’
‘Whoa!’ Ali laughed. ‘Just to clarify, Emma’s a florist, right? Like, she hasn’t found a way to eradicate thrush or anything?’
‘They all talk like that.’ Liv grinned. ‘Everything is “amazing” on there. Or “empowering”.’
As if on cue, @MamasMiniMadams was back. ‘The amazing team from @EmpowerGrooming gave me my intimate grooming for this incredible occasion. They’re all about empowering women to feel our best and most hair-free on our big days.’
Ali mugged. ‘I do feel empowered when I shave my pits. Love how she hasn’t even mentioned the lucky groom yet.’
‘Oh no, this isn’t her wedding day,’ Liv corrected. ‘It’s one of the mini madams’ First Holy Communions.’
‘Shut up!’ Ali laughed.
‘Seriously.’ Liv picked up the phone to tap back a few Stories. ‘Look, here’s the little bride of Christ here. In custom Vera Wang, no less.’
‘Jesus!’ Ali whistled at the sight of the little girl mincing up a red carpet leading to a festooned marquee. ‘This shindig is mega. It’s likeMy Super Sweet Sixteenonly with more rose gold and selfie sticks.’
‘And sponcon,’ Liv added. ‘Every scrap of this thing is being paid for by brands. It is one long exercise in pluggery.’
Ali held the phone closer, peering at @MamasMiniMadams’ highly choreographed entrance to the party at the top of a sweeping staircase, her white dress managing to be both gigantic and highly revealing. It looked like a fairy tale. She looks like she’s moving through a dream sequence, thought Ali. ‘Why is she so blurred?’ Ali glanced at Liv.
‘Oh, she’s filtered to fuck.’ Liv shrugged. ‘How was work?’
‘Grand, the usual madness. Every scene ran long and Stephan made one of the extras cry. I’d better change – I’m heading up to my dad.’ Ali returned the phone and headed to her room.
Ali sat on a bench at the edge of the car park of the nursing home where her dad lived. She had to go in. She’d been fannying around on her phone for ages, staving off the inevitable. It was so hard to go in there these days. He didn’t know her anymore and answering his confused questions was unbearable.
‘And, tell me, have you worked here long?’ he asked her the week before. ‘I have a little girl who looks a little like you.’
I’m that little girl, Ali wanted to scream, but she’d long given up correcting him. It was futile.
A WhatsApp from Liv dropped in, providing welcome distraction.
Thought you’d like an update on the Super Sweet Communion Extravaganza. The Carter Twins are now doing a set.
Attached was a screen-recording of the Instagram account from earlier.
