Page 16 of The Snag List
Ed laughed heartily, which was not the response Roe had in mind, and when he saw her face he shut up instantly.
‘Ah, Roe, it’ll be so much fun. We won’t fuck up the baby … Unless it’s really asking for it.’
She laughed in spite of herself and circled Eddie’s waist, smiling into his back.We still have fun together. This was why she couldn’t go against Eddie. They fit. They’d always fit.
I’ll stop the pill next month – he won’t know …
‘So,’ he turned to face her, ‘you look extremely sexy in this little slip thing.’ He fingered the soft material of her nighty, leaning down to whisper in her ear, ‘And there’s no such thing as too much sex when you’re tryna make a baby, but unfortunately my mum and dad are actually on their way already.’
‘So punctual – so Protestant!’ She spun away, back to the coffee machine – a piece of equipment so minimalist it looked like a modernist sculpture. She was relieved to be off the topic, at least for the moment. She grabbed their two cups and handed one to Ed. ‘Esther and Philip are going to freak out when they see this place. They hitting service en route?’
‘Yep, they love a new parish. They’ll be creaming themselves over the Prods in Kildare.’
‘So you admit it – we’re not in Dublin!’
‘I’m admitting nothing. They’ll be here around eleven. Mum cannot wait to see the Monteray retail block, so I said we’d do a little tour after lunch. Do you mind getting a taxi to choir? And I can collect you?’
‘Yep, no probs.’
Upstairs, Roe stepped into the shower and mentally scrolled through the Rolodex in her brain of her favourite show tunes before settling on ‘Anything Goes’ to belt out while she washed her hair. By the time she’d finished both the oxygen-denying Sutton Foster version and the slightly more chill Lady Gaga/Tony Bennett one, Eddie had joined her in the bathroom and was trimming his beard.
‘You’re sounding incredible, babe. Breath work’s really paying off.’ He leaned in to the slightly fogged mirror.
‘Cheers.’ Roe towelled her hair. ‘You know, with eighty-five bathrooms in this place you could probably find a mirror that’s actually usable.’
‘They don’t all contain a gorgeous, soapy woman! When do you think you need to give Róisín a heads-up about stepping back from choir? I don’t know any other club that makes its members schedule baby leave!’
‘Well, Róisín takes it very seriously, as you know. But I don’t need to do it until we’re … ya know … preggers.’ She carefully avoided Eddie’s eyes, pretending to be engrossed in scrunching mousse into her hair.
‘Oh my goodness, Roe! You are more of a beauty every time I see you!’ Esther gave her a big cuddle. ‘I adore this outfit.’ She indicated Roe’s white-with-black-polka-dot shirt dress and chunky-heeled Chelsea boots. Her curly hair was piled on top of her head, showing off her massive gold hoops.
‘How are you?’ Roe smiled, returning to her spot mixing Bellinis on the kitchen island.
‘Good, very good. We caught a rousing service in St Ambrose’s on the way over, which was a delight. No offence to the rev. in Monkstown, but service is like sex in a marriage – you need a change up or else it can get very stale.’
‘Oh, absolutely.’ Roe nodded sagely, suppressing a smile.
‘And,’ Esther dropped to a conspiratorial sotto voce, ‘I hear Pat and Maura are coming?’
‘Looks like it.’
‘That’s … nice?’ Esther and Philip were long privy to the attitudes of Roe’s parents and were sweetly protective of her.
‘You’d think so,’ Roe replied just as the door went, signalling her parents’ arrival.
‘Fauxciutto, Pat?’ Eddie proffered the serving platter heaving with hummus varietals, cured vegetables posing as meat and vegan smoked salmon and cheeses.
‘I’d rather faux-shooto myself in the face.’ Pat chuckled nervily, bravely ignoring the scowl Maura shot over.
‘Pat! So crass.’ Maura primly slid a piece of pickled carrot that really did taste like smoked salmon into her tight-lipped slot of a mouth. ‘Just because you don’t agree, don’t make fun of other people’s lifestyle choices.’
‘Oh, not at all.’ Esther waved away Maura’s admonishment. ‘You don’t become a vegan and not learn pretty quickly how to take a joke. So, you two, the house is really something.’ Esther valiantly strode on through the conversational wasteland that was any event with Pat and Maura. ‘I cannot believe all this.’ She swept her arms wide to indicate the massive light-filled upstairs sitting room where they were perched with plates on knees. The couches and rugs were all plush and white with pops of clashy orange and aubergine in the throws and pillows. The large, low coffee table was a sheet of smooth amber-coloured onyx resting on slender mid-century legs. ‘I love the decor. Is that you, Roe? She’s so creative.’ She looked to Maura.
Don’t waste your breath, Roe felt like saying. She knew the way to crack normal mothers was through complimenting their children, but this was not the case with Maura O’Neill.
‘Creative?’ Maura’s mouth pinched into what Eddie and Roe always called her ‘cat’s arse’. ‘She is, I suppose, though true talent is about how youapplyyour skills and I’m not sure Rose’s ever bothered with that.’
Roe could tell from the look on Esther’s face that this kind of cutting response about your own child just did not compute.
