Page 30 of The Snag List
‘Who are you?’ Lindy squinted at him, trying to reverse engineer this kid’s brown curls and freckled upturned nose to link him back to any of the Sports Casual Dads or Athleisure Mamas. ‘Never play with my kid, please.’
‘I’m Malcolm. I’m just helping – don’t be a narc. Are you always agitated like this?’ He quizzed Ailbhe further. ‘Cos if you’re not, the agitation could be a sign you’re OD-ing.’
‘OK, this cursed child is not helping. Be gone,’ Ailbhe commanded.
‘So were you arrested or fined or what?’ Roe asked.
‘Yeah, fined.’ Ailbhe swung around to them to block Malcolm from the conversation. ‘We were flying home at the end of my J1. It was a really early flight so we’d decided to stay out all night. It was deadly. Except for the Ket bit. Never take that stuff. We’d gone to a house party and I spent the entire time in a K-hole, staring at this guy’s pet iguana, which never seemed to move. Then it turned out he was a taxidermy enthusiast so that was probably not the Ket. We lit out of there then and got a taxi to the airport. The whole time going through security I was convinced that everyone was staring at me. I started completely freaking out. Then I realised at some point in the night I must have covered my entire face with my pink lipstick. I was kind of relieved because at least I wasn’t hallucinating the staring. People reallywerestaring. Anyway, then I noticed that I was holding the iguana. It was about that point that the police turned up. Apparently walking through JFK with your face painted pink, clutching an iguana was a searchable offence. Fucking bullshit. They found a couple of “questionable” pills and fined me on the spot. I think I was kind of acting out a bit. I don’t really remember. Anyway, joke’s on them because I got on a plane about an hour later. And obviously never paid the fine. My old roommate sent on court summons stuff that had showed up when I didn’t pay. But I was, like, “Fuck you, America!” So I wasn’t arrested but when I didn’t pay the fine I suppose there was a warrant out for my arrest? Maybe? How did I even get on to this story?’ Ailbhe nervously checked the door. ‘Here, my face looks normal right now, yeah? It’s not pink, right?’
‘Yeah, your face is grand, bit clammy but grand,’ Roe reassured her. ‘But, Ailbhe?’ Roe’s tone was serious. ‘You’re supposed to be flying to America in four weeks? If there’s a warrant out for your arrest, that’ll be a problem, no?’
‘Oooh, that’s not going to be a good look,’ the boy muttered.
‘Ail-veee!’ The unmistakable sound of an American grappling with an Irish name interrupted them. All four turned as one. Tom Russell was waving from the doorway. ‘Tilly! My girls! Surprise, honeys!’
Later that night, Lindy sat in her dressing room browsing the various life-coaching courses on offer. They pretty much all started in September, which was only a few months away. She requested the PDF brochures from two that ran their workshops remotely and promised certification in twelve weeks. That would leave her able to start seeing clients in January. She texted the Snag List group:
LINDY: Looking at some options for my Snag List idea. We’ll fill you in properly @Ailbhe, but basically I was talking to Roe earlier about doing something with that ticking off the life to-do list idea. I bought TheSnagList.com earlier and I’ve been looking at courses to become a life coach. I have a couple of months before they start so I’m thinking I could get the business all set up and looking really slick and then I’ll be ready to hit the ground running in January. It’s perfect – everyone’s FULL of regrets in January! Roe’s gonna be my guinea pig @Ailbhe! Her choir – the Life and Soullers lol – are putting on a musical and she is finally gonna try out! Aaaand there’s a reality show involved too which will be brilliant for the testimonials page on TheSnagList.com! So if you think of anything you want to tick off, Ailbhe, let me know … Bout to chat to Adam.
Lindy heard Adam come into the bedroom and froze. She hated bedtimes at the moment – every night it dragged her back to the night of the wanking. Also it was the time of day when the awkwardness between them was most palpable. They were more or less never alone together the rest of the time. She stood up and tried to shake off the apprehension. She wanted to step down as CEO, and she knew if she didn’t set things in motion she could very well lose her nerve.
‘Hey,’ she said as she walked out to the bedroom.
‘Hey.’ He was pulling back the covers. ‘My head’s gonna be in bits tomorrow. Might order a Hangover Helper!’ Her smile was taut and he sat up. ‘What? Is something wrong?’
Just get it said, Lindy. ‘I have a business idea and I want to pursue it. It’s kind of a life-coaching service for people with regrets.’
‘Uh-huh,’ he replied, and she surveyed his face for any sign that he himself might be harbouring regrets about sneaking around behind her back.
‘I want to step down as CEO.’
‘O-K.’ His eyes darted as he processed this. ‘Ehm, I guess that’s doable. Jamie’s definitely qualified to step up though there’d be financial implications. We’d be paying him more and you not at all.’
‘Yeah. I know.’ Lindy moved to her side of the bed. She resisted the urge to sayit’s the least you can do, you cheating scum. Instead she kept her voice calm. ‘Surely we could take the hit. For a little while. I could try for a year, see if I can build it up. I just think it’s time I did something else. Something for me. And it mightn’t be a bad idea to have something lined up in case the whole internet goes tits up. I can still be on the board.’ Adam nodded at this, though truth be told the board was a bit of a joke. They called it a ‘board’, but it was in no way official: it was just them.
‘So, this is exciting …’ Adam said, sounding not remotely excited, but Lindy decided to try and give him the benefit of the doubt. She had to. Even though she still had no idea what to do about their marriage, she needed them to stay united for Max.
She checked in on the Snag List group before going to sleep. Roe had answered her.
ROE: Go Lindy!!! Hope the chat went well. I’d say we won’t hear a peep from @Ailbhe for days! Last I saw her, Tom was trying to coax her down from the coffee table at Rachel’s.
10
‘AILBHE?AILBHE?’
Ailbhe jolted upright as her mother’s voice pierced her cocoon of sleep. Ugh. Her head felt hot, her tongue was swollen and her neck was killing her from sleeping on … Oh! … The couch in the downstairs living room? Fuck. What was she doing down here? Where was …?
‘Tilly! Mam! Where’s Tilly?’ Ailbhe’s grogginess instantly evaporated as she feverishly raked through the last memories of the previous night. All she could grasp were fractured moments. A child telling her she was paranoid. Lindy and Roe looking uneasy. Tom arriving. Fuck. Adrenaline shot through her veins. She jumped up, ignoring the pounding that had started at the base of her skull.
‘It’s OK, Ailbh, she’s fine. She’s fine.’ Concern marred her mother’s features, along with a shadow of something else … disgust? The hammering in Ailbhe’s chest calmed instantly. Thank God. Eileen picked up Ailbhe’s boots from the floor where she’d kicked them off the night before. ‘Tom’s taken her for a walk. I wanted to get you up before he got back. You should go and get yourself together.’
‘Yeah, Mam.’ Ailbhe tugged on a smile. ‘Sorry I was so tired last night. I must’ve—’
‘Just tired, was it?’ Eilers cut in sharply and Ailbhe was caught off guard. Eileen was usually pretty easy-going. How bad had she been last night? The hammering of her heart resumed – had she said something about Tilly?
‘Mam—’
‘Ailbhe, that was a bit much. Lucky the Snag List girls were there to help with Tilly. But Tom was shocked.’
