Page 4 of The Snag List
‘Brilliant, just brilliant,’ she muttered as Finn and Jean returned.
‘What’s brilliant?’ Finn quizzed, slipping into her seat.
Lindy quickly slapped on a smile. ‘Oh, just our new house!’ She was in permanent defensive mode since the plan to move to Monteray Valley had solidified. She couldn’t bear the opinions of others because for the most part she fully agreed with them.
‘Doesn’t it feel a little soulless out there?’
YES!Lindy wanted to shout.
‘It’s a bit isolated, isn’t it?’
It’s not ‘a bit’ isolated, it’scompletelyisolated, Lindy wailed silently. It was easily twenty miles from the nearest Penneys, which was as good a metric for distance as any these days.
‘I wouldn’t want to be so far away from everything.’
No one wants this, least of all me. The suburban exodus is like a tide taking me against my will. I’m married, in my mid-thirties and with a child so it’s thelawthat I must retreat to the confines of a gated town so my wealth can protect me from any unpleasant realities.
Most families moved away from the city for gardens and more space for their children, and it wasn’t that Lindy didn’t want those things. Her aversion to leaving the city was specific to Monteray Valley. At the open day, Esme, the Monteray social director, had emphasised ecstatically how self-contained Monteray Valley was. ‘No one ever needs to leave.’
The high gates kept residents in and the world out.Monteraywas a ‘living experience’ that had originated in California and now had satellite towns around the world. Like a franchise. Monteray Valley was the first in Ireland.
‘That place sounds creepy.’ Finn drained her mimosa and performed a complicated gesture to the waiter, who then returned seconds later with another round.
‘It’s not creepy. It’s gorgeous – you’ll love it. We’ll have a dinner.’ Lindy smiled harder.
‘Linds, we won’t have thetimeto come out there. It’d be more convenient had you and Adam moved to another country.Londonis more accessible than the M50.’ Finn waved vaguely across Drumcondra village in the direction of the airport.
‘We have to move the Maxxed Out operation. We’ve completely run out of space in Orchard Avenue – I’ve told you this. Also, a free house is a free house.’ Though it wasn’t quite ‘free’ of course. They were now under contract to post Monteray Valley content until the end of time. But it was still an unbelievably good deal.
‘Is it really a free house, Linds?’ Jean looked concerned. ‘Are you and Adam stuck for money?’
‘Mum! No! We’re really successful. I keep trying to tell you.’
‘Finn, could you not give your sister a dig-out?’ Jean looked imploringly at her eldest.
‘Mum!’ Lindy waved a hand in front of her mother’s face. ‘I’m rich! I’m the wealthy one. I could digFinnout. I’m a millionaire, like.’ Sort of. Lindy’s face burned with the mortification.
‘Hmmm, but is it all internet money, luvvie? I worry about you.’
‘Mum, Lindy could buy and sell me.’ Finn laughed. ‘Maxxed Out is a huge thing. Dunno how many more times we can explain this to you and Dad. Look.’ Finn unlocked her phone and brought up the Maxxed Out channel. ‘See that number: 1,845,453? That’s how many people have watched this video. Nearly two million people have watched Max and Adam playMinecraft Adventures Volume XVII. So even if a sponsor was only paying 0.01c per view, Lindy is still pocketing a nice chunk of change.’
‘What’s all the words down at the bottom?’ Jean pushed her glass out of the way and leaned in.
‘That’s the bottom half of the internet, Mum. Best not go there,’ Lindy cut in, glaring at Finn who hastily turned the phone away.
‘But I saw Lindy’s name. Show me again,’ Jean demanded.
‘It’s nothing, just weirdos being weird.’ Lindy tried to sound unconcerned. The bottom half of the internet – aka the comments section – was life admin she’d long ago stopped trying to engage with. Unlike the rest of her to-do list, there was no hope of ever getting on top of it. It was a shape-shifting, fathomless morass of opinion from hysterical proclamations of love to the most cutting of condemnations. Adam waded through it delighted with the praise and utterly unfazed by the detractors. Of course, it was easy for him to not care – they didn’t hatehim.
‘Me and Lindy have to get moving, Mum.’ Finn stood and gathered her Chanel shopper and caramel-coloured, butter-soft leather jacket.
‘Of course, sweetheart.’ Jean leaned up to kiss first Finn then Lindy. ‘Love you girls. Thanks for the pre-noon boozing – I’ll be able to tolerate Dad for the rest of the day now!’
On the street, Lindy and Finn made their way through milling throngs enjoying the unexpected March sunshine and turned up towards Finn’s cottage, just around the corner from the house Adam and Lindy were in the process of dismantling.
‘I can’t believe you won’t be able to stroll over whenever you want any more.’ Finn could swing into sentimentality at the drop of a hat and it always made Lindy smile. ‘Remember when you’d just brought Max home from the Rotunda and you’d wheel him over to me?’
‘Yes.’ Lindy grinned, knowing what was coming next.
